Is this my luck or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Is this my luck or what?
7
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 7:07pm

I went out last night with a friend and 2 of her friends who I had never met before to the local pick up joint/disco for middle aged people--that's what I call it anyway.  I don't really like this place but this girl works a lot of weekends and we haven't gone out or even seen each other in quite a while--we were thinking of going out last Fri & she canceled and I think she felt bad, so I figured what the heck, I'll drive my own car and if it's dull I can go home early.  So the place was kind of empty.  We're sitting around the corner of a bar and she asked if I liked a guy standing next to me & I said no, but the guy standing next to you is cute.  She says "I'll make it so you talk to him" so she starts up a conversation, he ends up talking--next thing I know, she even gets up with her other friend & drags her to go dance so I can talk to the guy alone.  He was nice--he was talking to us for the rest of the night, we even got him to dance.  She was really trying to be a good wing woman, but I could sense that he liked her more than me.  I left earlier than she did cause I had to work today but she didn't.  So she texts me today asking if I would be upset cause he asked her out cause she didn't want to ruin our friendship if it would make me mad.  Of course I said I wouldn't mind--it's not like I have any claim on him.  And there were things that I might not want for a relationship, like the fact that he has 5 kids (older) but he said his marriage broke up cause he was spending so much time w/ the kids that he kind of ignored his DW--oh and he just got divorced last summer.  But it sure would have been nice to get an actual date with a good looking guy.  It's not that I'm really upset about it or anything but seriously, I do wonder when it will be time that I will have some good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 4:20pm
LOL, Cfk! One should think so, but no. Make it about 30-something.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 11:08am

Ruby, "Sorry, you are nice but I like her better"!?!?  What was he, twelve???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 8:03am

Guys never hit on me anyway.... but I have experienced the same. Being out with my childhood friend (and single Mum for two), I end up as the grey mouse no matter what I wear or do. I am quite outgoing as a person, but she is even more. She has long black hair (she is really a blonde), lots of make-up and she is much thinner and more good-looking than me, I wear glasses and have short-ish hair. Last time we were out, two guys started dancing very close to us (neither of us were interested). One of the guys gave all his attention to my friend, and he plainly said to me something like "Sorry, you are nice, but I like her better". Which I understood anyway, doh! It didn´t matter to me , but still it is annoying as it always happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sun, 01-13-2013 - 4:01am

tall is better than short and long hair is better than short hair. Even when the woman is not very thin.

Besides that, I think the more outgoing you are the more interest you get. I never get the better looking guy. It took a long time for me to learn to accept the type of guy that would be interested in me. Many years ago when I was a young 20 something, I used to go dancing with a roommate. At this particular party, she attracted a guy I thought was good looking. The guy that showed interest in me was a not very tall and timid but nice medical student. I was interested in the tall good looking guy that liked me friend (turned out to be lawyer but was going to leave the field to pursue the arts).  I've turned down maybe another guy like him some time later. It took me many years to appreciate the nice and and shy guys but it's too late now.

Some women just seem to know what's good for them. I still don't. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 3:39am
Or maybe your friend isn't this guys usual type and he wants to try something different now that he's newly divorced. I think it was really awesome of your friend to be such a good wing woman and then check with you when the guy asked her out. Most people wouldn't have bothered.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 11:49pm

It's hard to say about the looks.  I have one friend who is absolutely gorgeous--men fall all over themselves when she walks by so when we went to a dance, for example, I knew that if she was standing next to me, guys would definitely ask her to dance first and I might as well be invisible.  I kind of know what I'm in for if I go out with her.  But I guess with the woman last night it would come down to the guys' taste.  I'm very short and my friend is very tall--almost 6 ft. and she wears heels.  She was about as tall as the guy.  She has long hair and she even kind of poofs it up a little which adds more height.  She's kind of medium build, not really skinny.  She was wearing a top that reminded me of the outfit that Olivia Newton-John wore at the end of Grease--that black off the shoulder kind.  So maybe that guy happened to like a tall woman with long hair better than a short woman with shorter hair--who knows?  Maybe he liked it that she was kind of loud and she will swear and say the F word--maybe he found that kind of direct personality more appealing in some way.  I don't swear but I wouldn't say I act like a prude--I'll get up and dance and I'm friendly.  I just think it comes down to who someone likes on first impression and you just never know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 10:29pm

Is your friend better looking than you? It helps if the wing woman is less or the same level of attractiveness. As far as charm and friendliness go, it sounded like you weren't lacking in that dept b/c she did leave you ample time with the guy.

With these brief encounters, looks is pretty much the biggest factor unless the person is a complete social retard, the guy always goes the (perceived to be) better looking woman. That's my experience anyway.  I don't have much luck with guys, even women who have less to offer than me get better guys.

Oh well, can't have everything.