Need advice for getting over someone
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Need advice for getting over someone
| Tue, 11-01-2005 - 10:04am |
I dated someone earlier this year for almost four months. I completely fell for him and, when it ended, I cried for a month. Pathetic.
It has been four months now since we broke up. I thought I was over him, and then he e-mailed me last week. All those feelings came back to the surface, and I find myself thinking about him all the time and wishing we could get back together. (This was not my longest relationship by a long shot, but somehow I am having more trouble getting over this guy than anyone else from my past).
Ladies, please help me do the right thing and get over this man! What do you do to let go and move on? I really need some solid advice!
Thanks.

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It takes 3 things to get over someone: time, no contact and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you weren't right for each other. It sounds like you haven't reached acceptance.
What helps me with acceptance is refocusing my thoughts. When I start wishing we could get back together, I stop myself, and think something along the lines of, "we're not right for each other; if we were, he wouldn't have ended things. I don't want someone who doesn't want me."
If you practice this every time thoughts of him come up, things should improve and eventually, you'll realize that you have finally reached acceptance. It takes a lot of work and focus at first, but it will work if you continue to work at it.
Sheri
Definitely don't have any contact with him. It took me over 6 months to get over my last boyfriend because I was always seeing him and going to the same parties. Now we are still at the same college but I'm concentrating on other friends so I'm not seeing him as much and when we do end up places together I just ignore him. And I'm much happier as a result. so just ignore his emails and go talk to someone else.
You should also try and stop thinking about how great it would be to be back together because you just start remembering only the good things. Its hard but make a point of thinking of all the things that bugged you about him and all the things that you ever wished were different. Maybe even write them down so that when you start thinking about getting back together with him you can remind yourself of all the reasons you're better off without him-even the tiniest reasons.
And just focus on going out with friends and trying new things and meeting people and enjoying life without him.
Good luck!
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I could have written that, except it's been almost a year for me since our breakup and a good five months since we've seen each other.
hi,
I can see your situation because I was in it just recently..I found time, support from my friends, and guy friends helped. As well, I made sure I had no contact with him at all for a while..and then I allowed my guy friends to make me feel hot and sexy and a wanted woman..
As for advice for when he tries to contact you,and the pain in your heart follows, allow it to happan. But only for a few minutes, then distract yourself with your friends, icecream, movies, work, whatever..and the pain will decrease as you heal..and then you will realize that he's an jerk, and you can actually see the negative things in him!
You will get over him, and you will be able to find another guy who wants you for you..maybe not now, but eventually..and then you will be glad that you got hurt.
It hurts, and as the saying goes, "That's why they call it a crush..bc it hurts".
I agree with what everyone has said. I reminded myself over the past few days of all the reasons my relationship with this guy didn't work (he traveled M-F for work - that was the biggest one).
While there are so many things about this guy that I love, I have to remember that someone else will have those qualities, PLUS the things that I really need - such as enough time to devote to a strong relationship.
I have been casually dating as well over the past few months, and it does help to just have others pay me a little attention. The right one will come along when I am ready!
Thanks again, ladies. :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I know the feeling. I broke up with my boyf of two yrs a year ago and it has taken everything in me to get over him and im not really there yet. He was my longest relationship, were in college together so i had really fallen for him big time. Then he did something bad but believe me even when i know how bad he is for me i still think of him and so i can totally sympathise to how hard it must be getting over someone nice when it is so hard getting over a not so nice person. After my ex and i broke up i moved to a new place to do a masters so i didnt even have friends. So in the end i just decided to get on with it, made myself as busy as possible, got more hours at work and joined the gym, salsa and yoga and by the time i came home everyday i'd be too tired and but still i do find that even if u are busy u still think about him but somehow its not as bad as it is when u are at home alone. Besides i was depressed but was really looking good too, with all the exercises. So if i were u i'd really spend sometime with myself, do things u like get independent again and you never know you may just realise you are better off on ur on. My ex still calls even if he is another relationship but the best thing is that im single and he is apparently dating and yet he feels the need to call me and he can never understand why i so dont call him. Actually stop talking to him for a while becoz when u do u'll never get over him, cut him out for a while. My ex was my best friend and cutting him out was not easy but i did and now i hardly ever think of calling him, but he is on my mind still just not as bad as before and iam definately no longer depressed ofcourse he calls but i dont encourage you to talk to him too much, be nice ofcourse but try to be as general as possible dont talk about the relationship when he calls u. One thing which i believe is that if you are meant to be then you'll be u dont have to force it.
Hey Tallgirl - Getting over someone can be a very tough task ... and don't minimize your feelings because you were with this guy for "only" 4 months. You were together for 4 months and you had a good time with him - most of the time?? - so naturally you are going to have fond feelings for him.
I'll tell ya, i was in an on/off relationship with a guy for nearly 2 years and every time we broke up it became easier and easier for me. But the one mistake that i made with him in the first place... or first breakup ... was that we kept contact. So every time i talked to him... there was that little shooting glimmer of hope that we'd get back together and that things would change and blah blah blah If I wouldn't have been in contact with him from the get go ... things could have been very different and I would have gotten over things a lot quicker - hence saving a lot of pain and heartache.
Breakups are not easy but they happen for a reason so you always have to look at that.... and the easiest way to get over things is cut all contact. It doesn't have to be forever- but it has to happen so that you can eventually get to the point where you CAN get an email from your ex and be completely ok with it. My ex and i have been broken up for good now for about 4 months ( oh thats coincidental!!) and we just started emailing each other again - i found out that he's been seeing someone for a few weeks now and I felt absolutely nothing. THAT was when i knew that it was really ok and that i had moved on. It wasn't easy and it took a while... but i'm glad i finally realized that and it was certainly worth the wait.
I know i've been babbling but we all know what you're going through and coming on this site and asking for help is a great source of "therapy" .... i know its helped me out before. So never hesitate to ask... we all love listening and sharing!! :)
Good luck!
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