Need advice..Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2010
Need advice..Please
16
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 7:07pm

Hi everyone, i had posted this previous, but I deleted it...I accidently put my name on it... hey you never know. Anyway, I am happy to see men here posting and answering questions, I love that idea, and I hope a couple of you can chime in. I have know this guy i have been sort of seeing for years, however he has 2 kids who are involved in a lot of sports, and there doesn't seem like a lot of repetition in the days he is with them as he and the mom were never married so i dont think they went through any custody battle. He is under the impression i may still be seeing other people as

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 7:19pm
It sounds like you are still in the beginning stages of a relationship (or not). Live your life and let him take the lead if he wants this to be more than a dog walk and sharing TV football.

Expectations are premeditated disappointments as the saying goes. What works for me is if I want something specific from a relationship then I discuss that expect explicitly with the other person. Otherwise, I just relax and go with the flow and not have that as be the focus of my life.

Mark
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2010
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 7:33pm

thank you! I guess I'm worried about having a relationship with someone with kids. I don't want to scare him off thinking that I'm being a possessive weirdo and i don't want to screw it up. So just let him do the contacting and not worry about it? I'm trying!!! thank you

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 7:33pm
I'm kind of in the same situation, but different. I know my situation is just casual (sex) but at the same time it would be nice not to have to work around his kids. I can't keep track of when he has them and when he doesn't, and he doesn't respond to texts sometimes even if they are friendly (like I might have sent before when we were friends). I don't even know where I want it to go, so I'm not worried about talking about it. But at the same time, I'd like to know what he's thinking!

I don't really have any advice, except try not to rush things. Try not to get too ahead of yourself and enjoy it while you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2010
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 7:38pm

Shywon, thank you, does he mention to you that he wants a relationship? I think thats were I am confused. Having known a lot of his past, and from what we have talked about its like he wants a relationship, the most

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 8:19pm
We've never talked about what we want. His actions say he just wants sex, but he spent a lot of time pursuing me before I gave in, and most men wouldn't spend that kind of time if all they wanted was sex. That's why I'm wondering if he wants more and might just be following my lead. We have talked about not sleeping with anyone else, but that's it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2010
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 8:25pm

shywon, yes, I agree, same here, he came after me three years ago, then again now with apologies for the past. Maybe your guy is just afraid to ask? I think guys go with the flow more than we do, and ours seem to be preoccupied with kids so its' got to be tough

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 1:56am

Good news:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 9:57am

If I have it right - you have known him for a few years, you've gone for dog walks and Monday night football, and he doesn't contact you when busy. This sounds 100% only like a friendship based on that and is probably how he sees it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2010
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 11:16am

Yes, there is more to the story, flirted yes, touched yes, kissed yes, and no i don't have any kids, hence looking for the advice. I am trying to find the happy medium of understanding here. We went to high school together, have mutual friends, and he had asked me to the movies a few years ago and it never happened as everything kinda came crashing down on him. Fast forward about 2 years, he emailed me and apologized and wanted to get together. He said he always liked me, blah blah...he spends a ton of time with the kids lots of lax tournaments going on now and basketball is starting. I am perfectly okay with all of this and I teach and coach so i have my own life going on. I am just wondering does it seem from the info i provided that he wants a relationship or a fwb? He told me about a girl he was dating who had a lot of money, she wasn't the type he was looking for and he doesn't care about the money part...stuff that all indicates

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 11:43am

It's so hard to know in the beginning.

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