Need friendship advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Need friendship advice
8
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 3:15pm
One of my best friends isn't talking to me right now. This is why: On Saturday my friend called and asked me if I wanted to go with her and another one of our friends shopping. I said yes. I called my friend "Amanda" to see what time the Christmas party was that night, so I would know what time I should be back. Well after I got off the phone with Amanda I got a bunch of really nasty text messages. She said that it was messed up that I was going shopping with them when she had been saying for weeks that she needed to go. She also said "how do you think it makes me feel that three of my best friends are doing something with out me". Now I know it may seem that we are in high school but we are actually 22 and 23 years old. I understand that she may be feeling left out but I don't think it constitutes her being angry with me. At the Christmas party that night she wouldn't sit next to me, someone told her to scoot over and she said "I'd rather not" and she hardly spoke to me the entire night. I don't understand why she is acting like this. Does anyone have any advice on how I should fix this?? I am hoping that it will eventually blow over but she has been acting like this towards my other friend for a few months now over something just as trivial. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 8:55pm

I posted about this very thing on another board several weeks ago except I was the one being left out. Why wasn't she included? Was it just an innocent oversight? How would you have felt if you had been the one left out?

Missing some shopping wouldn't bother me personally but if a group of mutual friends had planned a night out on the town, without me, I would be hurt and I'm 34 years old. She's your friend. You have to take her feelings into consideration. If her feelings are hurt, they're hurt. What may seem like silly trip to the mall for you, may seem like a big deal to her.

As for the way she behaved at the party, it was a bit childish but she IS quite young. I know it sounds strange but I think some people's emotional ages take a while to catch up to their physical age.

All you can do is tell her that you're sorry and you would like to make it up to her. Send her a funny card, take her to lunch or go out for drinks and tell her that hers are on you. Prove to her that your friendship is important. She just wants validation.

--I hope this helps. Good luck!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 10:40pm

I was wondering the same thing as bbw- why wasn't she included?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 7:55am
Thank you for replying. I lost my license this past summer so it's not like I could have called her up and said hey want to ride with me to the mall? "Ashley" called me and said hey I'm going to run to the mall do you want to go with me and "Stacy" and I said sure I'll go I have nothing else to do. So when "Ashley" asked if I wanted to go I didn't think that it was my place to call "Amanda" and ask her if she wanted to go. I'm sure I could have said something to "Ashley" and asked if it would be ok to call her. But it seems like lately that no matter what anyone does around here someone gets mad and feels like they are being left out. Another example of this is on Tuesday we went to this Mexican restaurant for dinner and margaritas, well I got a text from one of my guy friends that asked what was for dinner. I said "We're eating at the Mexican restaurant" and he wanted to know who was there. I told him and asked him if he was coming and he said "nobody called to invite me". It was really just me, "Stacy", her husband, "Ashley", and another girl "Kim". It was pretty much just girls and "Stacy's husband". I didn't think that he would want to go. Is there a better way to handle these situations? Am I supposed to send out a text message to every one of my friends whenever I do something?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 7:58am
Thank you for replying. It wasn't that we intentionally left her out, I didn't ask her if she wanted to go because I didn't feel like it was my place to invite her to go when I wasn't the one driving. I understand that she feels left out, I have felt this way before and she knows it. She brought up an incident were I was upset over the very same thing. I honestly wasn't thinking about it in this way. I really did not mean to hurt her and I have apologized. Now that I've apologized and she's still mad, what else should I do?
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 10:21am

You don't want to impose on the friend who is driving. That is a tricky situation. I would ask her what she would have done. Ask her how you should handle a situation like this in the future.

I don't think you should have to text everyone you know. However, I agree with Shy, if you realize that you've overlooked someone, I would keep the gathering on the DL so as not to hurt anyone's feelings.

Didn't you indicate that she did the same thing to you once? Didn't you forgive her? She needs to extend the same courtesy. While I do think you at least needed to validate her feelings, don't grovel. If you've apologized, take a step back. Give her a little time to come around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 3:36pm
If she will not talk to you write her a letter. Maybe she will understand where you are coming from. If after the letter she still will not speak to you she sounds way to immature and maybe she likes to have drama in her life. No one needs friends like that. I hope that your friend comes around. Good luck and Happy New Year
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 1:48pm

Frankly, I'd bluntly ask her if she's this upset about something so trivial, how is she going to react over big stuff.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 1:52pm

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No. And I find it absurd that anyone believes that all activities must include invitations to all parties.