Need friendship advice
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Need friendship advice
| Wed, 12-06-2006 - 3:15pm |
One of my best friends isn't talking to me right now. This is why: On Saturday my friend called and asked me if I wanted to go with her and another one of our friends shopping. I said yes. I called my friend "Amanda" to see what time the Christmas party was that night, so I would know what time I should be back. Well after I got off the phone with Amanda I got a bunch of really nasty text messages. She said that it was messed up that I was going shopping with them when she had been saying for weeks that she needed to go. She also said "how do you think it makes me feel that three of my best friends are doing something with out me". Now I know it may seem that we are in high school but we are actually 22 and 23 years old. I understand that she may be feeling left out but I don't think it constitutes her being angry with me. At the Christmas party that night she wouldn't sit next to me, someone told her to scoot over and she said "I'd rather not" and she hardly spoke to me the entire night. I don't understand why she is acting like this. Does anyone have any advice on how I should fix this?? I am hoping that it will eventually blow over but she has been acting like this towards my other friend for a few months now over something just as trivial. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I posted about this very thing on another board several weeks ago except I was the one being left out. Why wasn't she included? Was it just an innocent oversight? How would you have felt if you had been the one left out?
Missing some shopping wouldn't bother me personally but if a group of mutual friends had planned a night out on the town, without me, I would be hurt and I'm 34 years old. She's your friend. You have to take her feelings into consideration. If her feelings are hurt, they're hurt. What may seem like silly trip to the mall for you, may seem like a big deal to her.
As for the way she behaved at the party, it was a bit childish but she IS quite young. I know it sounds strange but I think some people's emotional ages take a while to catch up to their physical age.
All you can do is tell her that you're sorry and you would like to make it up to her. Send her a funny card, take her to lunch or go out for drinks and tell her that hers are on you. Prove to her that your friendship is important. She just wants validation.
--I hope this helps. Good luck!
I was wondering the same thing as bbw- why wasn't she included?
You don't want to impose on the friend who is driving. That is a tricky situation. I would ask her what she would have done. Ask her how you should handle a situation like this in the future.
I don't think you should have to text everyone you know. However, I agree with Shy, if you realize that you've overlooked someone, I would keep the gathering on the DL so as not to hurt anyone's feelings.
Didn't you indicate that she did the same thing to you once? Didn't you forgive her? She needs to extend the same courtesy. While I do think you at least needed to validate her feelings, don't grovel. If you've apologized, take a step back. Give her a little time to come around.
Frankly, I'd bluntly ask her if she's this upset about something so trivial, how is she going to react over big stuff.
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No. And I find it absurd that anyone believes that all activities must include invitations to all parties.