Need to get back out there

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Need to get back out there
11
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 3:03pm

Hi there everyone,

Hope you all are well. I haven't been around much lately for work stress and travel and the resulting exhaustion. But now I have over 4 weeks until my next trip and my knee is feeling better and I am ready to get back out there.

The interesting thing is that, for the first time in awhile, I find myself not sure how to approach dating. I have been out of the game since the fall and sort of dread having to deal with it again. Besides, I have done online dating and speed dating and meeting people in bars and at political groups and lectures, etc. I am starting to run out of ideas and don't much feel like rehashing the old ways at the moment. So I am in a position where I want to get back out there but am not sure how to do it.

I am just hoping that I can meet people the normal ways without trying this time around. I am going to give it a month of passive looking to see how it goes.

Is anyone else feeling this way? Anyhoo- hope all is well with my online peers!

Jules

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 3:50pm

HA, I've never liked dating. For the past 6 years I've been lucky enough to have my bf's fall into my lap. Oh the benefit of college and summer jobs combined. Now I'm an adult, with a 9-5 job and all sort of other responsibilities. I'm finding it hard now that I'm recently single to do the dating thing. I went on one date with a guy I met on a dating site, who was completely into himself. I've been dissapointed with all my other matches thus far, or the ones I am interested in aren't interested back. I'm not into the bar thing either...

At this point, all the hassle isn't worth it to me. I guess I'm 'passively' looking too which sometimes works but most times doesn't. So we're in the same boat I guess...isn't it lovely? haha

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 6:04pm
Maybe ask friends and or family memebers to set you up. If all else fails, just go to one of the many street festivals with a friend. The Rib Fest on Lincoln Ave. is always a great place where there will be lots of men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 12:10pm

Hi, Jules! I haven't been on the board much lately, either. Work and house shopping are consuming my time.

I feel exactly the same way you do -- not wanting to actively pursue dating in all the old ways (tried and not so true). I just want to meet someone in a "normal" way as well.

The nice thing about summer is that I have all sorts of activities, concerts, BBQs, weddings, etc., to attend -- so I guess I'm at least out there meeting people. Maybe one of them will happen to be a great guy. If not, I'm having a ton of fun and not falling into my mopey pattern from the winter.

My new approach is to be more approachable in general and just see how that works out.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 1:35pm

House shopping is exciting (and exhausting). And I agree with you that summer is such a great time. There is so much going on and I have fun whether I meet men or not. Picnics, charity events, barbecues, lectures, all of my favorite things.

Good to "see" you around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 6:53pm

Speaking of house hunting, I so wish I was in that market right now instead of just trying to find an apartment. I was walking through the Merchandise Mart today (for those that dont know, its a HUGE building in Chicago and has all sorts of businesses in it, and the main floor is mostly home decor) and was just drooling over the kitchens, bathrooms and lighting. Makes me anxious for a home of my own.

A BBQ sounds like fun! Perfect for socializing

Ruby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 7:05pm
I'm just excited to paint a wall something other than white! :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:31am

Hey, Jules. This brought me out of the woodwork, too, for some reason.
I'm not sure I have a contribution on how to get back out there- or get out in general, for that matter. I guess it's just a matter of making the decision, something I'm no expert on. It's tough for me because it can be a lot of work and it's hard to want to get out there and "work" for something when my head is saying "come on, already, I'm tired of all this work?" :)

Good to "see" you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:37am

Yes, but home ownership doesn't always work that way. I had a great plan for redoing my kitchen and then got hit with a special assessment and now won't be able to afford it for another 5-7 years. Condos are worse for that in some ways - you won't get a special assessment on a house. But, if your boiler breaks in your house, you have to buy a new one. In a condo, the reserve fees take care of that kind of stuff.

My point is this - home ownership is nice but it can be a huge pain. There are days when I feel like chucking it all and going back to renting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:40am

Lesleylou! I have missed seeing you around, girl! I am glad to have brought you out of lurkdom. I hear your frustration. Believe me. But I am making a real effort until I just can't take it anymore. :)

I have a coffee date tomorrow at 10:00am with a guy from match.com and I am going to a singles fundraiser for Northwestern Hospital next Friday. If I have fun on those two things, maybe I can keep the momentum going. If I poop out again, that may be it. It might be the cloisters for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 5:03pm
Try not pressuring yourself with dating and being "out there" jules that just makes things worse, pressure makes everything worse. The passive looking thing is hard to do because you might see someone or meet someone you really like initially and then things get pressured and crazy again but the best way to look at things is you want to meet new friends. Just try to meet people to have conversations with spend time with share common interests and have a good time and wait to see if anything develops, trying to be patient like that is a pain sometimes though I know lol.

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