Need relationship/love advice.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Need relationship/love advice.........
3
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 2:47pm

Hey Everyone,

Gee....it's been a while since I've posted here.....I hope everyone is well and that you are all enjoying the single life...... :)

I am a single white female, 31 years old. It's been a difficult winter for me. I am university educated, however, last summer I took a position with a Marketing Agency....turns out that the hours were way beyond what I expected and when I asked them to clarify the business hours I was fired on the spot. My parents reacted very badly....I have a dog (who was staying with them) and my mom said "I don't think you can take care of yourself, much less a dog). One week later I was involved in a major motor vehicle accident, for which I am receiving physiotherapy.

I had given notice on my apartment and as such had to move in with my family (my parents are divorced). I moved in with my dad but he had an argument regarding money (I asked him to lend me a couple of hundred $$ and he basically kicked me out), so I moved in with my mom and stepdad. Unfortunately, because of all the family turmoil I've experienced I am under the care of a psychiatrist. One night when I came home from an appointment with my shrink, my mom and stepdad tried to do an "intervention" on me....which basically encompassed trying to strangle me....the called the local police, who determined it wasn't necessary to intervene.....as such I moved back in with my dad.

Unfortunately my dad is very miserly and he was keeping the heat very low in the house (e.g. I was sleeping with my winter jacket on....it is cold here in Canada in the winter!!). I interviewed for a couple of positions and landed one as an Administrative Assistant. Although it was much less money than I was earning before, I took it so that I could save up some money and move out on my own.......

In the interim, I met a guy. He is considerably older than me (he is 52), however, I do have strong feelings for him. He relocated for business purposes to a town about three hours away and wanted me to move in with him. I was having difficulty working at this Admin job (e.g. back pain, etc.) so I was able to resign for medical reasons. Although I have two weeks notice, unfortunately that employer did not pay me for the two weeks......

Sooo.....I packed up and moved in with "Mr. X". It has been about a month and I was able to get my Employment Insurance back (not an easy thing to do here in Canada) and I actually have a job offer working as an Outside Sales Executive in that town. Unfortunately, "Mr. X" tends to like to drink.......I talked to him about it and he promised he would cut down. He is also a very heavy smoker (I am a social smoker and am trying to basically put the habit to rest).

I was able to get my dog and relocate her to a local kennel, however, my parents (e.g. my mom and stepdad) starting becoming *very concerned* for my welfare and told me to "get my doggie and come home". As such, I got my dog from the kennel and I came home here to my mother's on Sunday.

The situation here, however, is awkward. My stepdad works from home and basically "watches" my every move. As such, I don't feel completely comfortable. I was also sleeping very well in Sarnia, however, since I've been here I'm finding it difficult to get through the night.........

Although I have a strong network of friends, most of them are married and very few have been supportive to me. They basically all told me I'm better off here in the Toronto area, however, I have very little contact with them and none of them have offered to have me stay with them for a couple of months, etc. until I get on my feet.

Everyone is basically telling me (re: "Mr. X") that I CAN do better, however, I am sooo tired of this single life. I know it's not a reason to hook up with someone, but in the few days I've been apart from him, I have realized that I really do have feelings for him.

I have an appointment with my "shrink" tomorrow night (basically the main purpose of my visit home) - she is usually really good at giving me good, impartial advice, but I guess I am wondering what any of you would do in my shoes. I know there are many many people out there who come from divorced homes and there must be a way to cope with all of this......

Unfortunately my dad's girlfriend has moved into his house so it's not really a possiblity of me moving in with him (he also keeps the house very very cold and it's infested with mice). As such, my thinking is that I am going to return to "said" town on Friday and possibly put my dog back in the kennel. I guess there is someone there who is interested in taking her in for a year on a "foster" basis.........

Hmmm.......rather interesting situation I've got myself in here.....btw.....I can continue my physiotherapy in "said" town as well.......

I appreciate any advice you may have for me in this situation......

Sincerely,

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:10pm
Wow, do you have an interesting move about. You seem a bit unsettled to me. I am not referring to your address. Something tells me you are searching yet. Not clear what field you are in, but I think you need to keep looking. This bounce around depending on others to get by is weird. Your answer will not be found in a man, it will be found in you.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 1:59pm

I have tried to respond to your post several times but it seems as though I'm preaching and that is not my intent.

I will just "say" that I think deep down you know what's best for you. Keep working at it and on yourself. As criminalattorney indicated, you seem a bit lost. Be selfish, focus on you as best you can in this situation. Find something that you are passionate about and try to get yourself to a point where you can actually enjoy life.

Be careful where men are concerned. Make sure that they have your best interests at heart and, don't find yourself in a situation where you need them, or anyone for that matter. They should be an accompaniment to a good life not a necessity for a struggling one.

I saw myself in parts of your post, so again, I don't mean to sound preachy. I'm just "speaking" from experience : )

Good luck to you!!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 2:01pm

As I read your post, I was reminded of my older sister.