Need Some Advice
Find a Conversation
|Wed, 07-16-2003 - 4:23pm|
I have been friends with this guy, we will call him XOX, for about 2 years now. XOX and I had been aquaintances before that for about 7 years(i.e. we worked together). Anyways, over the 2 year span, we have become very good friends. He is essentially my best friend. Well, about a year and a half into the friendship, we slept together. It wasnt anything routine, it just happened a couple of times after which I put a stop to. I dont think that sleeping with him was a mistake, just not a very smart thing to do. He was between girlfriends and I was not seeing anyone, so I guess I will blame it on lonliness.
Anyways, I feel lately our friendship has taken on a very different tone. I am at the point where I am uncomfortable with it. He calls me all day long and we talk on average about 2 to 3 hours a day. It is not out of the ordinary for us to talk all day long. We are very close.
He was dating and recently broke up with his girlfriend. All my friends gave me a really hard time about it because he would call me more than he would call her and see me more than her. I went apartment hunting with him and I was the first person he called when he got the apartment he wanted. I knew all this before his girlfriend. I know for a fact that she didnt know about me or our friendship. I know that if I was in her position, I would not have been happy, especially with the tone half of our conversations took. I wouldnt say that he was cheating, but his heart was definetly not in it. He recently said that he would like us to start our "friends with benefits" relationship again. He is not a cheater (and I have never known him to be) but he said that with me it would be "different". (He cant explain why it would be different, it just would be) I told him I would not as long as he had a girlfriend...two day later, they broke up.
I feel guilty about their break up and feel it was partly my fault. I feel like he is expecting me to start this screwed up relationship again. I dont want to be "friends with benefits". I have told him that. I feel like that is one of those "why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" kinda things. I dont want a relationship with him and he swears up and down that he doesnt want one either. Although I suspect otherwise. I do have feelings for him and he has stated that he does for me too. I just dont think that pursing the relationship aspect of our friendship is a very smart thing to do right now(for other reasons). I know this but I just cant get myself to understand it.
I feel my jealousy is getting in the way of our friendship. We go out together and when he looks at or talks to other girls, I just want to melt but I cant because we are "friends". I have to constantly be strong and put a smile on my face. I cant talk to him about this...I feel it would complicate things more than they already are. I also feel it would screw up our friendship. He is the one person in my life that I can totally count on no matter what. I can talk to him about anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. I have never had anyone in my life like this, not even in the guys I have previously dated.
I guess what I am asking is what should I do? Should I stop being friends with him until this passes or should I risk our friendship and tell him everything. I just dont know that I could bear losing him or his friendship. I am so confused right now and I feel it is affecting me and the relationships in my life.
Thanks for reading this far...I know that everything is kinda all over the place but it is a little hard to put all my thoughts down in words. Thanks for bearing with me.