Need some input

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2003
Need some input
3
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 9:04pm
I have been spending a lot of time with a guy that I am head over heels with in the last 2 months or so. We see each other almost every single day. We do lots of different and fun things together. He is wonderful. I have been introduced to his family and am continually invited to family functions. I know, so what's the problem??? Well, he has not made any moves at all and I can't figure out if he is interested in a relationship or not. I haven't figured out how to talk to him about where we stand. I don't know if I should say something or just continue and see what happens cause we are having fun and what's the hurry?

I know that he has been in a couple of relationships that ended badly and I have as well but I am finally ready after 3 years of stupidity to try to start a new relationship but if he's not looking for that I don't want to ruin the friendship that we do have. The other piece of the puzzle is that he will be leaving in September and he will be gone on and off until May of next year for work. So, I'm wondering if he's not making a move because he is afraid I won't be here when he gets back.

So, I guess I'm just looking for a little input cause I am at a loss. I really like him a lot and seem to be falling for him more and more every time I see him....Anyone have any suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: mb20lover
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 9:47pm
I was in the same situation as you are recently. This man I dated took me to ALL his family functions - holidays, dinners, etc., he "dated" me, took me out to dinners and movies with him, and I even spent the night w/him in his bed. But....he never made a move on me. This went on for 9 months or so. I finally just figured that he is impotent or gay, hell, I don't know. I didn't want to ask him. Or, he just wasn't attracted to me. I am willing to accept the fact that maybe he wasn't physically attracted to me. So I told him I was going to date someone else, and left it at that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mb20lover
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 11:42pm
Cut back to seeing him twice a week at most and talking to him twice a week - tell him that you are growing too attached at this fast pace and given that it seems he doesn't want things to progress it's better if you keep things casual. Every day in the beginning is not a good thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
In reply to: mb20lover
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 1:06am
Hi, mb20lover. It really sounds like, after meeting his family and spending so much time with him, that it's appropriate for you to speak up. A good reason for his being standoffish a little is that he is afraid of what will happen when he leaves, like you said. All you really can do, other than question it to yourself over and over, which will only make you crazy, is ask him where you see the relationship going. Just say something like, I know it sucks that your leaving soon but I'm having a lot of fun with you and really want to see where this could go (or something to that effect). The only thing you can really do is ask him straight out. Good luck!