Need you guys' expertise for a friend
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Need you guys' expertise for a friend
| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 6:34pm |
I posted this on the online dating board, too, but I know there's some posters on here who have good insight, too. I

You can tell her to just to delete his phone number and not answer his phone calls. Tell her to keep her phone away from reach if she feels like answering, and if he leaves a message and she feels like calling him back, tell her to call you instead everytime she feels like contacting him. The only thing she can do that will be of any help to her right now is to have no contact with him and that's tough sometimes for some. All you can do is remind her how miserable he is making her feel when she keeps contact with him and how much longer the healing process will take if she doesn't cut contact. Remind her that he's the one that broke if off and there is nothing she can do to convince him to get back together with him and everytime she does this it's just making her appear more desperate. But the problem is you can tell her all these things until you are blue in the face but she might not follow the advice, and if she doesn't then you have to decide how much you are willing to hear about it from her and take care of yourself first. If it is annoying you to the point that it will affect your friendship tell her that you care for her a great deal but seeing her in pain and having her tell you too much is starting to wear on you and you don't want it to wear on the friendship. Let her know that you will still be there for her and no matter what she decides to do will be her friend but that you can only listen in certain quantities to the dilemma she is going through. Try to be as loving as you can when you say this but let her know that you care for her and want her to be strong enough to get herself out of this mess because she does have a choice in it and remind her that it's hard but you know she can make the right choice. You have to take care of yourself and your own needs too with this so it's about setting boundaries but doing it in a careful manner to where you still relay to her that you are there for her and won't leave but have to take an emotional break sometimes from this.
Thanks, you're so right.
I know how you feel.
Can you spare a couple of dollars? Go buy her the book, "He's Just Not That Into You." Greg Behrendt spells it all out pretty darn plainly. Maybe it would snap her out of it?
I agree with you, she needs to make a clean break ie no contact whatsoever. She's just prolonging her agony. I think it's cruel that this guy is bent on stringing her along for some reason. Maybe he is of the .01% of men out there who REALLY WANT TO BE FRIENDS ; )
As far as conversation, I'd just listen until I couldn't take it anymore, then change the subject. Of course, you could always try reverse psychology. That has worked for me in the past. "Yes, you should definitely call him. As a matter of fact, go call him right now and if he doesn't answer, text him straight away. If that doesn't get a response, email should do the trick. You may want to send two just in case the first one doesn't make it through."
Good luck.
It sounds like you are doing pretty much all you can already. You are being a great friend by giving your honest opinion even though she is not able to take your advice and dump him yet. My circle of friends and I went through a similar situation with a friend whose husband was cheating on her and she kept taking him back. We knew if we bad mouthed him and told her to leave that she would get angry with us. We also knew that the relationship would eventually implode and she would need us to lean on but would be too embarassed to do so. Long story short, we bit our tongues and just listened and supported her even when we didn't agree with her choices.. Just make sure that in your situation you are taking care of yourself and not getting too emotionally involved in her issues. Sometimes people who are nurturers by nature can do that.
Good luck,
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
""Yes, you should definitely call him. As a matter of fact, go call him right now and if he doesn't answer, text him straight away. If that doesn't get a response, email should do the trick. You may want to send two just in case the first one doesn't make it through." "
LOL, but she DOES do that.
"Just make sure that in your situation you are taking care of yourself and not getting too emotionally involved in her issues. Sometimes people who are nurturers by nature can do that."
That's definitely happening with me!
Sometimes, the best support you can give is telling the truth. Because she's never really been through a breakup before, she might not realize that some men will let you linger for years even post breakup - just to have you in the wings.
I think you are well within your rights as a friend to gently (but firmly) tell her that this man is no good for her and will continue to string her along if she lets him. Support her by helping to give her the courage she needs to cut the ties and move on.
AJ, enjoying life with C.