Negative comments from old aunts, etc...
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| Sun, 11-19-2006 - 9:18pm |
Ever since I turned 25, I get tactless comments from my family as to why I'm not married yet, and since my last break-up, have virtually no prospects. Do you get them too? Any good replies to share??? Here are a few of the ones I've been asked...
Aunt Georgia: "Are you seeing anyone?" No, not right now. "Well you have plenty of time, how old are you now?" 30 [Then she had a look of horror on her face and there was a really awkward pause!)
My 12 year-old niece is infamous for asking me about getting married or having a baby and she did this again in the middle of a family BBQ which I attended "with myself": "When are you gonna get married?" To which I replied: "I dunno. Did you get your period yet?" She hasn't asked me since!!! I know it's awful that I said that!
Then my brother-in-law always asks me really loud in front of people almost as if he's TRYING to embarrass me. Then he offers advice "Well have you tried going to..." as if the reason I'm single is a lack of where to socialize...
What's a girl to do??

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I had to let out a laugh at the period comment.
I wish I could find that old internet article of 10 good reasons to give in answer to the question, "Why aren't you married yet?" It's a great and funny article with fantastic comebacks, that include
a) "I'm waiting for Mr. Right." (don't want to settle for less).
b) "Just because everyone is doing it, doesn't mean I have to do it now. If everybody were to jump off a cliff, would you do it too?"
c) "Why do what everyone else is doing? Everybody is getting married, but does that mean it's right or easy? I mean not everybody is a rocket scientist or doing ...(whatever unique thing you are doing)."
d) "It's not in my hands, it's in God's hands." (takes the responsibility off you)
e) "I've got things to do before I get married and have kids." (name a few exciting things, such as wander through Europe for the summer, trek through the Amazon, finish my PhD, etc.)
f) "I don't want to marry the wrong guy too fast and end up miserable and/or divorced" (like so and so, if you want to add)"
g) "Give me some good reasons why I should be married right this minute. What is my life lacking?" (You are so young; I'm sure your life is full of fun and fulfilling things, you can conquer the world at 25!)
Hope this helps - some of these answers work really well depending on the person you say it to! However, it doesn't get any easier, even when 38, like me!
good luck! I'm sure your turn will come!
LOVED the comment to your niece.
I've ben saving an advice column about this. My favorites:
"Why aren't you married?"
"Beats me. Why aren't you skinny?"
or
"That's an intresting question. Now let me ask you one: How much do you weigh?"
As to your old aunt, I know that in my parents' day (they're in their 80s) that you were truly considered an old maid if you weren't married at 30 (or gay if you were a man). It wasn't unusual to get married at 18 in their day, so they just don't get it.
I say keep up the smart-alec remarks. It's SO none of their business!
Sounds like you are doing pretty well handling the comments people make. But here are a few I have heard:
1. Why do you need to know?
2. I don't know, my crystal ball is at the repair shop
3. I'm thinking about becoming a nun
Iri
I would just say. "I don't know, don't you have enough going on in your own life than to worry about what's going on in mine. Oh, never mind, you probably don't." This is the kind of comment I would make to someone who was asking me this question with the intention of making me feel like an outcast or like something is wrong with me because I didn't follow everyone else's pathway and jump on the bandwagon of getting married young.
Everytime I hear a post like this one where someone is being nosey and making you feel bad because of being single it really gets my goat. I think this is why people know better than to ask me a question like that ;-)
I'm angry at the way you have been treated. We love our families but they just don't understand that this joke has gone on long enough at your expense.
Don't they care about you as a person? Why do they do this? And have you noticed that they have no idea, really, how you should go about finding your better half?
I would give them an ultimatum and walk out. If that is all you old boobs can say then I'm outta here.
Think of it, has all this chit chat runined your day? It does mine.
Lou
from my relatives it's usually the question "anything new?" if I reply "not much" then they specify, "dating anyone yet?"
i just feel like everyone thinks i owe it to them to be seeing someone. the next time someone asks me about why i'm not with anyone is i'm going to say, "I'm picky... were you picky or did you just marry anyone?" that should shut them up quick ;-)
I don't get those questions a lot, thankfully...my family is completely the opposite about marriage and kids - they all think I'm too YOUNG to be thinking about getting married.
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