Never been on a date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Never been on a date.
5
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:54pm
I need help... I'm a 21 year old male whos never been on a date, kissed a girl, anything. I feel like something must be wrong with me... this whole part of my life that everyone else has had is missing. I've been talking to this girl online for like 3 months now like the first girl ive ever really talked to but its really starting to go bad and all she wants is to be friends anyway.. I am so tired of being depressed and lonely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 10:02am
Well, you gotta try and stop blaming yourself. You can't base your worth on what others are doing. Not everyone has had a date at your age. Just because they have, doesn't mean they are better than you. Your basing your experiences on how you percieve others think of you. You are individual and you were created to be different. I guess I don't see people as normal, I believe it normal to be abnormal. If someone doesn't want to go on a date with you because you've never been on one, then they are judging you and are not worth being with. You may want to find a counselor, parent, friend, pastor or someone you can trust to talk about this with, someone trustworthy. Remember, people are going to give you advice on their life experiences, and opinions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 11:28pm

I agree with the last poster ... there is no "normal" and there is nothing wrong with you! I know where you're coming from ... I have always felt out of step with the majority, like I do things differently. That's OK. It's makes you who you are, it makes me who I am. I'm in my 30s now and I am so much more comfortable with myself than I was when I was younger ... I know it's hard because you compare yourself to others ... try not to do that (I know that's difficult) -- they have different needs than you do, they do not have your particular purpose in life ... comparisons really make no sense! You'll date, you'll kiss a girl, you'll have a relationship, when you're ready and when it's right for you. Believe me.

I agree too that it might be a good idea to see a counselor if you're feeling really bad ... NOT because there's anything wrong with you, but because it's good to have an outlet for these feelings and someone to give you some perspective on what you're going through.

Also, you might want to try connecting with women through some particular interest you have that they might share (if you haven't already). Something you're passionate about.

hang in there!

carriebgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 6:48pm
This girl i've been talking to... she won't even agree to meet me. last month she said she wanted to and then why i asked her for a final decision a few weeks before so i could buy plane tickets she said no... .it's been downhill since then. I've been told I'm really attractive by her and by other girls so there must be something wrong with my personality. When I went home on leave last week (im in the army) I would go out with groups of people and would go the whole night without them saying a word to me. I always feel like an outcast.. I feel like other people can see something wrong with me. This girl ive been talking to keeps telling me i need to go see a counselor... she must think im so screwed up. My lack of social skills is going to keep me alone forever.. no matter if I really am good looking or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 9:34pm

It sounds like to me your trapped in fear. I had some of those thoughts at your age. What if I said the wrong thing, if a girl dindn't like I blamed myself, etc. Not everyone is going to like and you cannot please everyone. I bet you have personality, but you just don't show it to people. If your tlking to this girl online, etc, man she's not going to see the whole you. It's time to get out, go meet people, be social, this anxiety and fear is the thing that is binding you, it's not you. I bet you, you probably focus on the negative things you perceive about you. I bet you wold drop everything you wee doing to help someone, I bet your caring, sweet, and treat people with respect. If you want to go see a counselor, good go see one, there is no shame and that, and it shows that you a trying to improve, that's all we can DO. I used to be in sales, and I'm glad that I did. Rejection became easier and easier. I learned that people weren't really rejecting me, they didn't need the product, they didn't have the money, it just wasn't something they were interested in. Just becuase some girl may have lost interest doesn't mean it was you. If you've never met, she could be scared to do so, it is pretty scary for women to meet guys off the internet, they are on their gaurd, so she may be scared. The point is, you don't know what is going through her mind, she may never tell you. But I have a feel your basing your worth, on how you believe others see you. If you think your worth is low, your going to believe others see that in you and the cycle continues. Seek the TRUTH and your answer will come. If you start to see the good things about you, than so will others. Your problem is not being popular and girls not liking you, the answer lies within.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 12:50am

Great suggestions, twoscoops76!