Never been here before but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Never been here before but...
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 11:48am

...I could use a little bit of advice. I hope you all don't mind.

I'm 20 years old and have been single most of my life. I mean, I date but I've always been the type that is much happier flying solo. I'm not sure why. It could be because I'm a little bit jaded about relationships because I've witnessed so many failed ones. Needless to say- I've never let anyone get close enough to even consider a long term relationship.

I started a job a few months ago at a gym/physical therapy clinic. I took it because I needed the extra money, plus I got a free membership from it. There wasn't a single person that wasn't less than 15 years older than me, except for one guy that worked in the PT clinic. After spending a long time awkwardly saying hello every morning, he finally came up and introduced himself. We hit it off immediately, which I'm sure was because I can carry a conversation about sports. To tell you the truth, that's why most of my friends are guys.

Anyway, I didn't know it at first but he ended up telling me that he was married. He was always completely upfront about it-it kind of made me feel like it was because he felt the same attraction that I did toward him. It was probably just because he's a good, honest guy. Despite this, we ended up being friends. I never had second thoughts about being friends-which I'm seriously rethinking right now. Although I'm glad we are good friends I'm starting to feel like I'm thinking about him all the time. I know the difference between loving a friend and being in love and I'm a little sick over the fact that I may be feeling the latter.

I know it's completely inappropriate to have these feelings for this guy. He seems to be happily married and adore his wife. I don't have anything to offer him...I'm a part time community-college student living with my mom and dad and working a minimum wage job. His wife is an amazingly intelligent woman (at least that's what he's said). He's a really good guy. Thinking about this more and more is making me feel amazingly inadequate.

We've been friends for months now and I'd hate to just say that I can't talk to him anymore. Especially since I don't want him to know how I feel. I've never had such an amazing friend but I'm sad that I'm going to need cut it off. It only makes it harder when I try to forget about the way I feel and he texts me or IMs me telling me he hopes I have a good day or something. I've never become so attached to someone-and I can't even see him that often! This is crazy. How can I keep a friendship in tact without letting my feelings come out? Is it even possible? I'm starting to think it's not. Any advice is welcome--thanks if you're actually still reading this nonsense.