New crush..what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
New crush..what to do?
Sun, 03-30-2014 - 4:08pm

Hi everyone, it´s been a while. And it is definitely a long while since I had a crush (after that bass player neighbour fiasco about 1-2 years ago...), until now. This year I actually got myself a discounted season card for the icehockey team in my city, their games are held two minutes walk from my apartment. I have loved this team since I was 10 years old and saw especially many games when I was in my teens, but the last few years I have not even seen their games. Very enthusiastic about it all now though, it is great and I am thoroughly enjoying it! Not knowing anyone there and sitting all by myself, I had hoped being seated next to nice people I could start talking to at least, but noone (and there are mostly guys in this section) has bothered even saying hi. And, unfortunately I am seated close to guys who do absolutely not strike me as remotely attractive in any way (quite the opposite, actually), my usual luck. A bunch of guys who have known each other for years of season card membership... Next season I will most likely drop the season card and move around in the seat sections, maybe I am luckier then? Wink Although 6th row is nice!

But, to the point. Ever since the start of the season and following the team on FB (they are now in the national semi-finals and doing really well at the moment - game again tomorrow), my eyes have been drawn to their newest player, he is in fact American and four years younger than me. And, according to an interview last fall, single. He was then, anyway (but things change, and alas, so often to my disadvantage)... He is tall and strong, has gorgeous blue eyes, is very good-looking in my opinion and, best of all, seems like a sympathetic person in the interviews. And I am now thinking, how on earth could I "accidentally" meet this guy? Our city is rather small. We have a mutual friend on FB (even more fan of the team than me), but one does not normally friend people on FB whom one has not even met in person, right? It would seem utterly weird! Not to mention the most unlikely thing for me to do, asking him out via FB when we have not met and he has no idea who I am. Would not want to seem like a desperate nutcase either! I do not know this mutual friend well, or , we have not talked since we were 12 or so....

So the next thing would be to find out where the team (meaning: he) goes outside the hockey. I have started to go to the grocery store next door to the hockey arena, just in case. The season is very soon over here, and perhaps he will not even be contracted for another season....  But I find myself dreaming and day-dreaming about him, pathetic, I know... Having always been single and in just a few days turning 37, hating OLD (it gives me the creeps just signing into those two sites I am a member of, one I am slightly paying for) and never having been a man magnet, the silly daydreaming is my survivor teqnique in a way. As always the true romantic, albeit in vain. But it does not help, of course! Any thoughts? I know it may sound stupid, but this is as close a crush as I have been for ages (= years).

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 03-30-2014 - 10:41pm
I'm not really one to get crushes on celebrities, but I'm thinking that if you really want to meet this guy, you're going to have to be bold. I don't think it's going to happen any other way. It could start with a "Hey I think you're a great hockey player!" Message on FB (you don't have to be his friend to send a message as long as he hasn't blocked non-friends). Just make sure you include something clever that will make him want to respond. I have a crush right now myself. It's complicated bc his older brother pursued me quite aggressively about 5 years ago. I developed a crush, gave in and flirted back, then discovered he is married. I wasn't happy. I'm way past that now, but I think my crush knows (we met through his brother). It could be awkward. Plus, I'm not positive he's the most grown up 34 year old. I definitely don't want to be in the same situation I just got out of. Men. Dating. It should just be easy, right?? It's nice to see you back!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 9:14am

Hey Shy, thanks. Good to be back. BUT! It took me 15 times of trying to sign in before anything happened, what´s up with that?

Well, luckily, these guys are not celebrities! They are normal guys with ordinary jobs (one of their best players and a veteran with his 38 years is a plumber, for instance...) in addition to playing hockey in the national league, they are not big stars or anything. So, they are not professional hockey players as in NHL.... Our national league is not that brilliant. Laughing They even have to ask their employers for extra time off during the semifinals. Smile I have a strong feeling these guys do not think of themselves as celebrities or "important" in any way. Down to earth fellas, which I really like. 

Bold and clever, exactly what I´m not....hehe. Good advice though! Just not sure I am tough enough to do it...

Too should be easy. but it´s not and has never been for me! 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 9:34am

I think a lot of women have developed a crush on someone they see "at a distance" at one time or another. Nothing wrong with a little daydreaming. Obviously, there is something he ignites in your imagination.

You have nothing to lose by meeting him and trying to connect. However, be aware that despite what you see, he could be absolutely nothing like what you imagine. Be aware also that there are probably other women who may be trying to meet him. And finally, you might come across as "stalkerish" to him, which I think would be a big turn off for him (for instance, I would not try to contact him through Facebook). Not trying to rain on your parade, just be aware going in.

And I know how disheartening OLD can be, and I also know what it's like to not be  "man magnet." I know I recommend books lot on this board, but you might want to check out "It's Not You" written by a woman who didn't meet the man she married until she was 39 and had been single a long time. It's not an advice book, and she gives no step-by-step plan to meet a man. But I think it might cheer you up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 3:43pm

Well if he is not a major pro player then you probably have more of a chance.  Is there any place that is known to be a hangout for the team after hours?  Our paper is always reporting on where sports guys are seen, but these are the pros, not minor league.  Also a lot of times, sports teams will be involved in charitable events--you might want to go to one of these things.  I think you have to do more research on team activities, otherwise having a crush on someone you dont' even know and haven't talked to is just a fantasy.  I tend to get crushes on guys I know so I don't think there is harm in it.  My personal life as far as men go is pretty boring so it's nice to entertain myself by thinking of someone good looking and fantasizing that something might happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 4:56pm

Valid points from you all here, which I have been thinking myself (being a rather harsh realist in the midst of all my romantic dreaming). However, my love life is so non-existing that sometimes a fantasy, as this is so far, is really nice to have.

Thankfully, he is no major pro player as mentioned in my post above. Don t know if he works part-/full-time though, as the others do if they are not studying. Our city in the countryside is small, only about 30.000 inhabitants.But with one of the country´s best hockey teams for many years. Laughing So I hope to dig up some info on where they are from time to time. That FB scheme is so not my thing anyway, it would have been very unlikely for me to do that! If I just found out where their "waterhole" is, there are not too many places in this city after all. And like I said, I live a two minutes walk from the arena where they play and work out a lot.

Of course, he might not be at all what he seems like. Isn´t it always like that? Smile

BTW, at today´s game there was this guy in the row in front of me, only a few seats away, who seemed to look at me all the time during the breaks and before the game. At first, I was kinda thinking he was looking at someone further up the rows and pretended not to notice, but soon found out he wasn´t. And he took a good look at me when he left. He was a bit cute as well, and my age. Nice. Smile

Beside all this, hockey makes my pulse go faster! The game tonight almost gave me heart problems, LOL. And they won! It is so great letting the hair down a bit (is that the correct expression?) and let the outbursts and emotions (and a bit of cursing, I am afraid to admit) slip out sometimes! Not to mention all the others around who are a tad worse than me, to say the least! Love the enthusiasm and the game! But, it would be great seeing the games with someone I know. My Dad joins sometimes, but not often. My friends are not interested, unfortunately.. I am a bit proud of myself for being at all those games by myself. I will continue doing that, even without season card next season (very pricey, without the good discount I got from a friend who did not want it himself). Loving it. Tongue Out

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 04-02-2014 - 10:30pm

If the same cute guy that checks you out is there next time, make sure and smile at him for a few seconds. Guys need a green light to speak to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Thu, 04-03-2014 - 6:03am
Will do! I usually do smile to people (including cute guys) who look at me for some reason or the other. Was just somewhat taken aback, so I didn´t. :-) But the season ended last night, as they lost the last semifinal. :-( So, the next hockey game is this fall when the season for 2014/15 starts!