New here and ending a fwb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2013
New here and ending a fwb
Sun, 05-19-2013 - 5:43pm

Hi All,

I used to be on the boards a long time ago.

Anyway I got myself into a situation that I just need some support on.  I settled for a friends with benefits.  I am so disgusted with myself.  We spoke the other day and I am realizing that I can't even be friends with him.  I put up with some stupid crap.  He will not french kiss me (like Pretty Woman movie) and will not spend the night for fear that it will turn into a relatiionship.  I only have myself to blame. I have known where he stood all along and I am just so stupid feeling like at some unconscious level that he'd change his mind.

You would think at age 47 I would know better.  I am reading a great book "what you think of me is none of my business" which is helping me with my codependency issues as well as I am part of a 1X weekly women's support group and am doing an online codependency grpup.  I say co-dependency a lot here because well that is what I am.  I rely on a man and others to build me up and I need to do that for myself.

Anyway if there is another group I should post this yo let me know.

Thank you for being here.


Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 05-20-2013 - 9:55am

The is nothing wrong with having a FWB.   But there are boundaries.  If you have been clingy that would be a real problem.  First figure out what YOU really want not what some body tells you  or what a book or magazine says, but you yourself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-20-2013 - 10:50am

I think it's clear that this relationship isn't satistying for you so good for you for deciding to end the arrangement.  I think you realized something that is true--if you don't love yourself, then you will settle for relationships with men that aren't what you want just to have a man around & give you some kind of validation.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2013
Mon, 05-20-2013 - 10:53pm

Thank you both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2013
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 9:17pm
Update. I saw him last night. No sex...good thing. I am just mad now. He said if I had met him when he met his last g/f then things may have been different. He was open for a relationship then and now he is closed. It just hurt because I am like why can't he care enough about me to open his heart. I don't feel used. It just is what it is. Thanks for being here