New here w/a vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
New here w/a vent
5
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:38pm
I have now been single for about 2 1/2 months after a 2 yr relationship. Summer is here and before we broke we had talked about things we would do in the summer. Now here I am wondering how was I so happy and had so much fun during the summer before him. I was fine before him - how do I get back to that? I guess it's a little depressing but I'm doing my best trying to make the best of it. Not to mention I meet a guy who seemed so perfect (except he's shy!) and I don't think he is interested in dating - just sex. Which I am a little disappointed but I am quite accepting of the situation. Then I meet another guy who at first I wasn't interested in but we had a great conversation - he hasn't called yet. Dating really sucks sometimes. I thought I was done when I was w/my ex but I guess not! And now I'm here just trying to make the best of the single life again.

Jen

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: jend01
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:05pm
It's always hard at first. I promise, it'll get better. After two years, maybe a dating break would be the best medicine. Get to know yourself as just you, not as a couple. I wouldn't be worried about meeting men right now. That'll come in time. There is SO much to do when you aren't tied to someone else. For example, I'm taking my sister to Disney World in a month. Next summer, I've decided I want to go on a cruise. The summer after that, I'd like to go to Hawaii (I'm getting into this vacation stuff!). If I were coupled, I'd have to worry about a man in the picture. Sure, maybe there will be one by next summer, but I'm not going to count on it. I'll continue to live my life, and if I man interrupts it, then so be it! If he doesn't, then so be it!

Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: jend01
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:20pm
I am in the same boat you are.. I just got out of a 2yr relationship in March.. Dating does suck! BUT just try to have a good time and try not to stress too much right now.. Thats my thing.. I am having a hard time dating because I "pick" too much.. I have met 3 guys in the past month that are really nice.. I thought I was ready to date someone, but in all actuality, it scares the crap out of me :)

Just have fun this summer and dont sweat anything.. Be safe enjoy this time to yourself.. and if you meet someone GREAT!!

I know it is hard though.. especially going from being with someone for 2 years then BOOM you are all alone having to start all over.. Its sucks, but this will pass and soon enough our prince will come along :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
In reply to: jend01
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 10:24am
What you're doing is finding your way back to the things, the routines you had while single. It can be done; you just have to sit down and remember it.

I know how you feel. I just divorced after 16 mos courtship/13-mo marriage, and I was 47 when I married for the first time, so I had LOTS of practice at being single. It was a terrible marriage (drugs were involved, and it was well hidden from me til after the wedding), and ending it was the best thing I ever did. But now, what do I do now that I'm single again?

What I always did was make plans. Sit down and think about things you want to do. I kept a calendar in my kitchen w/big blocks where I could fill in activities and dates--and doing so makes you see what a full life you really have, if you're ever down in the dumps w/"no one loves me" blues. I like live theater, so I check the paper for plays. I also enjoy live music w/new bands, so I look out for new venues. Every Sat was My Date w/Myself, and I'd dress nicely (even if it's jeans, I'd do full makeup) and DO something, ANYthing--even if it was a just a hamburger and a movie. It doesn't have to cost much, the point is to get OUT of the house. The idea is dressing up and physically GOING out; that gets you out of the habit of planting yourself at home.

Right now I'm not doing much of anything, though. On Mother's Day, while I was still going through the divorce, I was in the attic and fell through the floor, dropped 9 ft and impaled myself on a 2-pronged garden trowel! I'm still healing--no bones broke, thank God, and no organs were damaged--but of course there's lot of physical therapy ahead. (To say nothing of the emotional damage; then-DH called some of my friends to tell them, and they told me he LAUGHED when he told them...) That'll keep me occupied for the rest of the year, but in the meantime my new home is keeping me busy (and I SO love my new house; never have I felt so happy and secure, like I never did while married) while my body heals.

Hope this helps you, b/c it served me well before, as I'm sure it will once I'm up and about again.

Ash


Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jend01
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 4:37pm
I'm glad you're no longer with a guy who would laugh at such a serious injury!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jend01
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 5:17pm
Ash, I'm sorry to hear about your accident, but glad to hear you are out of that awful situation and doing well on your own. Good for you for taking the actions you needed to in order to protect your emotional health and well-being once you recognized the truth about your now-ex.

Sheri