newbie here---advice needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
newbie here---advice needed
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 12:06am
Hey all,

I've been lurking here for awhile and now I wanted to post on a situation I could use some advice on. I have a crush on a coworker (not a boss or anything) and we don't work together very often but lately we have been. Well I was kind of getting the feeling he's been flirting with me. He's been touching me on places like my back and arms and he does this playfighting thing with me. This is all when the boss is not around of course. And a few times today he was standing pretty close to me while we were looking at something, like we were touching shoulders. Now I have two male friends that contend he is flirting but I am not too sure. Most of my experience with guys, their flriting has been blatant and mainly they would flirt in the things they would say to me. But I just wonder if I'm looking for signs that he's flirting that maybe aren't really there just because I have a crush. Another problem I have is I get so tongue tied around him. We do talk but sometimes I get so intimidated around him (I'm a pretty shy person) I just can't think of anything to say to him. So do you guys think he's flirting or am I reading too much into it? And if he is flirting, how can I tell if he's just doing it for fun or if he has an actual interest in me? And last, does anyone have any good flirting tips for me?

Sorry for such a long post, I'm just kind of inexperienced in these matters!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 8:15am
Well, I am no good at telling if a guy is flirting for interest or just for fun, but if he is interested, he'll ask you out. If he's just doing it for fun, he won't. As long as you're flirting back, he'll know you're interested, and shouldn't feel like he'd get rejected.

Don't worry about getting tongue tied. We all get that way for awhile. He probably thinks it's cute!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 6:36pm
You have two choices: forget about it until/if he asks you out. Or invite him out for coffee and find out for sure.

I think you should maybe not focus so much on one person. Practise talking to everyone you meet - that way you will be less nervous and flirting will flow more naturally. I have never met a woman (shy as can be even) who couldn't flirt. We all do - some of us way more subtely. The flick of the hair, wetting your lips, smiling and making eye contact. Its isn't all about whay you say - its how you say it.

Good luck and welcome to the board.