(newbie) Wanted: One Night Stands - ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
(newbie) Wanted: One Night Stands - ok?
4
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 4:37am
Hey all.... Just wanted to first say thanks for reading, since I'm new to these message boards (not new to iVillage). And a warning: this is a pretty blunt/revealing message. (in case that's frowned upon)

So, I've looked all over this website for something I can identify with, and I can't. My problem is, for the most part, to be blunt, all I want is to get laid (which, if I had more time to go out, wouldn't be a problem). I'm two months out of a year-and-a-half relationship, and even though I had been convinced I wanted to spend my life with that guy, I'm mostly over that relationship now. I'm not even bitter (that's new for me). But it's been seven months since I've had sex, and I'm getting awfully lonely for it. Another complication is that I have a conscience issue with the fact that I have two virtually harmless STDs (which are imperfectly, of course, non-transmittable w/condom).

Why can't I get what I want? I'm a student, finishing up a semester, and don't have much free time lately (but often dedicate what's available to the cause!), so I don't get out a lot. And, I want to be an upstanding person, but I can't always decide how much of a conscience I should have about the whole STD thing.

Why do I only want sex? Well, I'm mostly over that relationship, but my heart's not ready to try to love anyone yet, and probably wont be for a while. I don't care to let anyone else into my emotions these days. (And that would be what makes dating more than just sex, agree?) Also, after being in such a commited relationship for so long, I have a hard time setting standards for myself, as far as men go. I'm sure that there's a possibility that I'm craving sexual attention to validate myself as a woman, knowing that I am not completely healthy. But I can't see a problem with that; it sucks, but I don't see why I should rail against that.

Most of the advice I can find online relates commitment-phobics, broken hearts, or couples (none of which are me). So, I guess my questions are, does anyone have advice on how I should feel about the conscience/std issue? how about advice on the ultra-casual end of being single? Mostly, I'm just looking for someone to identify with on my situation!

Thanks so much for reading, and any reply!!

Kat (NYC)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 11:07am
Why not post on the let's talk about sex board? I think if you want sex (check out the front page of today's styles section in the Sunday New York Times - similar story) - be honest about your STD's no matter how harmless you think they are (also since I live in NYC I have a vested interest in you not spreading anything to the male population here, LOL). You sound like you are defensive about your choice - I would never ever have sex under the conditions you described but that's just me. My reccomendation - figure out why you're so defensive about it before going out there and getting some.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 1:13pm
I've gone thru phases like that.

But I can't do the one night stand thing. Good sex to me takes knowing the person and being comfortable with each other. Besides, the only woman I know who has a STD got it from a one night stand - while using condoms!!! He touched himself and then touched her...

So my preferred method of sex as a single is a friend I sleep with. A bed buddy. Someone I know, I like and who wants exactly the same thing as me. You call them up and they come over for a few hours and then leave. Most of mine go on for a couple of years - I've had three.

I also think that if you do get to a point where you want a r/ship - don't be tempted to jump into one with a guy you've slept with. Its been all fun and games, you don't know them as a serious bf. And you need to end things with your "friend" otherwise you aren't available for men.

Good luck and hope you stick around!

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 8:10pm
Thanks... that's good advice...

That friend thing would be ideal... I just have to find one. There's a long summer ahead of me... I'm sure it'll work out. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 8:40pm
OOPS!!!

Sorry all.... This is an old message, written in a moment of extreme weakness... I didn't mean to bring it to the top again! (I thought I'd 'practice' contributing to the board and replied to a response, not knowing it would put the whole discussion at the top of the list.)

So, sorry... my bad!

Kat