from nice guy to user of women?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
from nice guy to user of women?
15
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 1:47am
Hi everybody, I am mid 30,s guy who wants a female opinion. do all men and women cheat?
I have only been in one intimate relationship before, and a half dozen non sexual
so called relationships. Here is what I would like to know, do I change my ways to
something I feel that I am not, or do I try to still hold out hope that there is
someone out there who is meant for me? As of today I have only been intimate with
my sons mother and no one else. which we have been split up for a year. I feel if
have casual sex with someone with no strings attached my whole attitude will change
about wanting a lifelong relationship,and I could turn out being a dog to all you beutiful and intelligent women who really deserve a nice guy I have been called attractive, slightly above avg.
height, caucasion, brown hair,hazel eyes, slim build, gainfully employed my entire adult life, homeowner,has hobbies and enjoys family activities, not sheltered, my only thing I would like to change is to not be on the shy side intially, I can talk up a storm once I know you. Before my relationship, I have passed on numerous times to be with different girls/women for which some may think I should get my head examined for doing so. I am not
a religious fanatic or athiest either, just someone with morals and ethics who is honest
and like my spouse/girlfriend to be the same.
P.S. I am not on drugs or
an alcholic or gambler

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 9:44pm
I believe all guys have this inherent flaw in us to want to be with many women,some are
just more strongwilled to put what they believe is right over their urges.
If a guy has only tried one type of fruit and enjoys it, he would not miss something
that he has never had. to all the females out there, if you were to find your soulmate
would you rather him to of had only meaningful relationships before, or to have had numerous flings with different females he did not care for. Or is it just a natural learning experience for all genders to experience?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 10:51pm

I don't so much care about his past, as long as he doesn't have a disease.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 12:11pm

Ditto to what Shy said.

I'm 32, so most guys I will date at this point in my life WILL have a past of some sort. As do I. I respect that, and I don't need to know all the details. I also don't think it will prevent us from developing a healthy relationship.

I believe each relationship is a fresh start - your past doesn't necessarily dictate how your future relationships will go. Sure, it's part of you -- but the relationship you have with that new person is unique and has the potential to be so much better than what you have ever experienced before. Eventually, hopefully, someone will make you stop and realize that you want to be with him/her and nobody else.

Sure, the biological drive to be with multiple partners might still be there to some extent - but I firmly believe that human beings are driven by more than simply their biological urges. It's a cop out to reduce the discussion to one of instinct and nothing else. You actually can make the decision to be faithful, to stay with one person, to experience real love, to share your life with someone. Just because the flicker of some biological urge to "roam" pops up from time to time, does not mean you need to act on it.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 12:13pm

>>Tallgirl, I admire your strength in not taking your boyfriend back when he came back even if you loved him. <<

Thanks, biochic. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but by far the best decision I could have made for myself.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 9:59pm
yes you are right most people do have a past of some sort, I have told myself that
any relationship my ex had before we met was in the past so it should not be held
against her. i have not acted on any impulses that I may of thought about, I was just
thinking about whoever I may be with in the future and that any unhealthy relationships
or flings in the past would be undesireable to her, but you just can't sit around and think that any one I may sleep with and have no intentions of going further with, will
affect a future relationship with someone you are interested in.I think I am over
analyzing this and I just need to sit back and rethink my priorities. I am 36
and am still willing to possibly have a child with that someone special, my son
just turned 5 so the age of a child would not be that far apart. but possible in
a few years this attitude may change, because you don't want you son/ daughter
to be running circles around you when may slowing down when you are fiftyish or
something

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