No foreplay!! AHH!
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No foreplay!! AHH!
| Sat, 04-28-2007 - 10:43am |
Hey everyone. I just posted on here last week about how I was debating having sex with this guy that I have been dating for about a month now. Well, last night I went ahead and took the plunge and had sex with him for the first time. I did it because I felt comfortable and not pressured...I know i wasn't sure if i wanted to...but i decided to and today i feel fine about my decision.
The only problem is-
when we decided to have sex, he had to go out to his car to get condoms, and when he got back inside, we started kissing a little bit more (which we were doing before we decided to have sex) and then, after about 5 minutes, he put the condom on and just started trying to enter. absolutely NO foreplay (except kissing really)...he didn't use his fingers or anything!! and i let him know that it hurt a bit when he entered, so he went slow...but I was completely TURNED OFF by the fact that he didn't do anything to me down there at all before he entered. He didn't even TOUCH me with his fingers once!!
It makes me want to cry...I mean, I feel like he didn't care about my needs...I don't know...I have only been with ONE other person sexually before, so maybe I am just inexperienced. Is it normal for a guy to just jump right into it like that the first time?
I am hoping that when we have sex again, he will be a little bit more passionate and wanting to do some foreplay..cause foreplay is VERY important to me! I don't feel like I was horny enough for him to enter just yet...
Well, when we had sex, I didn't have an orgasm (though it did feel good) and when he finished, he didn't ask how it was for me, if i was okay, or anything...kind of upsetting..i was hoping that he would want ME to be pleased. But maybe I am just expecting too much for first time sex with someone? or maybe I am just comparing him to my ex too much? (who was VERY sexually compatible with me..LOVED foreplay even more than i did, and always wanted to please me before himself)
I mean, i'm not saying that this guy and I aren't sexually compatible, because it was good sex, and he does turn me on...but i was just disappointed in the lack of foreplay. and it really didn't seem like he was THAT passionate about me either...then again, he isn't a very emotional guy overall. I just wanted him to show his WANT and lust for me more, I guess. I am a very passionate person.
After we had sex, we laid in the bed together and chatted a bit for a few minutes, then he had to leave. I told him he could sleep over, but he didn't want to. So, he left and said he'd call me later.
I know that i shouldn't expect too much from him...I mean, we've only been seeing eachother about once a week and talking only once every few days also. But then again, I feel that now that we've had sex, I would like to get a bit more serious with him. I hope he knows this....He knows that he is the second guy I've ever had sex with. He knows how seriously I took it. He told me that he was fine waiting more for me to be ready, that he completely understood if i didn't want to have sex last night, which in turn made me feel more comfortable having sex with him. No pressure!
After we had sex, he was really sweet for the most part and kissed me a lot and was pretty talkative..just didn't ask me how it was for me.
All in all, it was a pretty good experience and I don't really regret it, only regret that there was no foreplay involved really. Also glad that I don't really feel more attached to him! I was worried that I would feel more attached...but so far, I don't!
I just need some advise! I don't/didn't want to just come out and ASK him to do more foreplay before he entered, because I feel that he should WANT to...and if he doesn't WANT to, then that is not a turn on for me (I feel most turned on when the man WANTS me in every way)...I'm basically just wondering if his behavior is normal, and if its possible that he really IS into foreplay, just not that time??
Thanks for any responses!! I really appreciate it!!
The only problem is-
when we decided to have sex, he had to go out to his car to get condoms, and when he got back inside, we started kissing a little bit more (which we were doing before we decided to have sex) and then, after about 5 minutes, he put the condom on and just started trying to enter. absolutely NO foreplay (except kissing really)...he didn't use his fingers or anything!! and i let him know that it hurt a bit when he entered, so he went slow...but I was completely TURNED OFF by the fact that he didn't do anything to me down there at all before he entered. He didn't even TOUCH me with his fingers once!!
It makes me want to cry...I mean, I feel like he didn't care about my needs...I don't know...I have only been with ONE other person sexually before, so maybe I am just inexperienced. Is it normal for a guy to just jump right into it like that the first time?
I am hoping that when we have sex again, he will be a little bit more passionate and wanting to do some foreplay..cause foreplay is VERY important to me! I don't feel like I was horny enough for him to enter just yet...
Well, when we had sex, I didn't have an orgasm (though it did feel good) and when he finished, he didn't ask how it was for me, if i was okay, or anything...kind of upsetting..i was hoping that he would want ME to be pleased. But maybe I am just expecting too much for first time sex with someone? or maybe I am just comparing him to my ex too much? (who was VERY sexually compatible with me..LOVED foreplay even more than i did, and always wanted to please me before himself)
I mean, i'm not saying that this guy and I aren't sexually compatible, because it was good sex, and he does turn me on...but i was just disappointed in the lack of foreplay. and it really didn't seem like he was THAT passionate about me either...then again, he isn't a very emotional guy overall. I just wanted him to show his WANT and lust for me more, I guess. I am a very passionate person.
After we had sex, we laid in the bed together and chatted a bit for a few minutes, then he had to leave. I told him he could sleep over, but he didn't want to. So, he left and said he'd call me later.
I know that i shouldn't expect too much from him...I mean, we've only been seeing eachother about once a week and talking only once every few days also. But then again, I feel that now that we've had sex, I would like to get a bit more serious with him. I hope he knows this....He knows that he is the second guy I've ever had sex with. He knows how seriously I took it. He told me that he was fine waiting more for me to be ready, that he completely understood if i didn't want to have sex last night, which in turn made me feel more comfortable having sex with him. No pressure!
After we had sex, he was really sweet for the most part and kissed me a lot and was pretty talkative..just didn't ask me how it was for me.
All in all, it was a pretty good experience and I don't really regret it, only regret that there was no foreplay involved really. Also glad that I don't really feel more attached to him! I was worried that I would feel more attached...but so far, I don't!
I just need some advise! I don't/didn't want to just come out and ASK him to do more foreplay before he entered, because I feel that he should WANT to...and if he doesn't WANT to, then that is not a turn on for me (I feel most turned on when the man WANTS me in every way)...I'm basically just wondering if his behavior is normal, and if its possible that he really IS into foreplay, just not that time??
Thanks for any responses!! I really appreciate it!!

First, you have to learn to tell a man what you want.
I think it's quite common for guys to skimp on or even skip foreplay. It could be one of two things: either he's just really inexperienced and clueless, or he only cares about himself (or both).
Yep, yep, yep! That too!
I was going to update about what happened last night with him. I feel so rejected and dejected....this has never happened before, so I dont know WHAT to think of it!
Okay, so my friend and I decided to meet him up at this bar where him and his friends were. We get there and hang for awhile with them and have a few drinks. I get a little tipsy/drunk and after the place closes, he asks if I want him to come over to my place...I tell him that we should all go to his friends house because my friend wanted to get to know his friend better. He says okay, so we head over there. OH, and before we even met him at the bar, my friend was text messaging him explicit sexual things, such as "wanna f*ck?", etc.,pretending to be me. I tell him that it was my friend when we see him, and he is really disappointed. But I don't want to lie and say it was me, I am just not that forward sexually! I was pretty upset with my friend for this too! Anyway, so we go over to his friends place and we stay till around 3:30 AM. the whole time we were there, i sat in his lap in a chair and he was holding my hand and kissing my shoulder. I felt a lot of sexual tension, and I tell him "I wanna get out of here...I'm tired!" while I kiss him..
I thought he felt the same way! He was kissing my shoulder and kissing me back when I kissed him. So, his friend gets tired and wants to go to bed, so we all leave...and when we get down to our cars (he had his own and my friend and i had mine) he gives me a hug and says "bye" ....I say "you're going home?" and he says "yeah, where else would i go?" and i say "you suck" and he says "what, am i invited over to your place?" and i say "yes, if you want to come over" and he says "no, i'm too tired" and i say "okay" and feel so rejected. he then says "ill call you later" and i walk off to my car.
at first i thought he was joking when he said he was too tired, i thought for sure he would meet me at my place. i dont know WHY this happenened, and feel so ugly and unimportant. he was being sweet to me all night, like saying we should go on a double date w/ his brother and his g/f, etc., and then THIS happens at the end of the night?? maybe he was trying to play games with me? I can't figure it out and don't know what to say to him next time I talk to him...to bring it up or not...I do feel angry and confused. I mean, it WAS 3:30 AM...so it was late. Don't know whats up though! Any help or advice at all would be greatly appreciated!!
You said that you told him "I'm ready to get out of here, I'm tired." Maybe he misunderstood what you meant by that so by the time that you guys got down to your cars, he was already mentally prepared to go home and crash.
Guys take things pretty literal from my experience. You can't always hint. Once again, sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns.