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| Tue, 05-02-2006 - 5:20pm |
I went to my nephew's 4th birthday party this weekend. It was 20 adults (all married couples), 14 kids, and me -- the lone single gal.
I mentioned to a coworker that I was looking around at this party and feeling twinges of envy that the women in the room had all found mates and had moved onto to having kids. I don't know any of these people (other than my sister and her family) - so I am sure they are not all in HAPPY marriages, and I definitely want a happy marriage with the right person.
What bothers me is how my coworker responded -- she said, "that's when you should feel good that you have cute shoes or something" and "married people aren't happy - they're just married." Hmm, happy marriage vs. cute shoes?? Yeah - those are on the same plane.
I know her point was that I should be happy with where I am -- something we discuss on this board a lot. I agree with that. What is getting to me lately is that I get the vibe from people that I am not allowed to say out loud what I want. I wasn't crying in my coffee over it, it was just a "wouldn't that be nice" feeling. Why is it so wrong for me to say to someone that I'd like to be married and have a family?
In a similar vein, I also feel like I'm not able to talk to anyone about my love life. I can't share with people that I had a great date, or a bad date, or I met a new man. I suppose it's just because it's because my friends are in different places than me.
I guess that's why I found you all. :) SIGH. Just feeling a little alone in my singleness today.

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Well even though I'm attached I can still relate. I have a married friend that does not validate my relationship at all. When discussing her work issues and issue related to her husband, she's always saying "you just wait" or "just wait, your husband will be like this too"
What she doesnt seem to get is that all of that is right here in front of me now. I am dealing with work issues (and have been for 10 years thank you very much) and man issues in the same way she is. A relationship doesnt get better or more real once you're married. It really makes me upset sometimes that just because I'm not doing things the way she did, its not the right way. Sorry that I didnt marry the first guy I dated in college, but ya know...I'm doing things for me and thats what matters more.
Just be nice to have the support of friends too.
Ruby
I realize I'm a little late here but I had to chime in. I, too, know exactly what you mean. In fact, just yesterday I was telling someone how it would be so nice to come home after a twelve hour work day and think about someone else. Just forget about my work, my problems and my life and focus on them.
The person I was talking to couldn't understand this at all. "You just always want what you don't have" was her explanation. Ummm, no, that's not it at all. If I did have the relationship that I'm holding out for, I can't imagine wanting to go back to this. It wouldn't make sense. I can see how unhappy people would want to be single but that's not really the relationship I'm looking for so, in my case, it's not me wanting what I don't have. It's me wanting what I think I deserve.
Exactly. I'm tired of people telling me that I shouldn't want what I know that I want and need. I've had it before, so I know it's possible and I know it's important to me.
That's not to say I can't enjoy my singlehood. I definitely do, but it's not my preferred state of being. :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
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