not-so-nice email from ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
not-so-nice email from ex
3
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 7:03pm

It's my birthday today and i'm having a very happy one. Except- my ex emailed me. I could see his intentions- he wanted to wish me a happy birthday. I haven't heard from him since i ended things and he made it clear that he was still in love with me and therefore couldn't bear just being friends, so that was fine, we haven't spoken. I respected his wishes.

So in the email he first wishes me a happy birthday, then tells me he was going to send me a single white rose, anonymously, but didn't because "it wouldn't be fair to you. and it wouldn't be fair to me either."

He then said I shouldn't take this email as a sign he's ready to be friends.

He then asked how I was and said he was okay- "not great, not bad, just okay." And then stated that he hoped i was doing well but "I don't want to hear about any new loves in your life. i'd rather be left in the dark."

So, what a nice birthday greeting. Way to remind me that i broke his heart and in some manipulative tone say how he's "barely surviving without me."

ANyway, just had to vent. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise to get that email. I was down because this was my first birthday in a long time that i've been single and i missed having him there and how he used to spoil me. But being reminded of how manipulative and self-centred he can be, well, that just reminded me that that is not the kind of man i want in my life.

In fact, just a side note, i woke up this morning feeling quite happy about being 25 and realizing i'm really starting to enjoy single life and having this feeling that i will meet someone right for me when the time is right, and he'll be worth the wait :)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 9:58pm

Happy Birthday!


All I can say is that ex emails really suck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2005
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 10:51pm

Happy 25th! Hope you had a good day despite your ex's crappy email. He should've just left you alone. Even if there were issues he wanted to hash out, there were other days to do it. Men. Geez....

Veena :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 9:08am
I don't know this man like you do (obviously) but, from what you wrote, it does not seem to me like he is just being manipulative. I have been in his shoes. When my heart was broken by a man years ago, I found myself contacting him on important dates. I never asked him not to tell me about his love life and I never explicitly said that I was not ready to be friends, but those things went without saying. He knew them to be true. I think that I would contact him because it was just so hard for me to let go. Part of me knew that I probably shouldn't contact him but I couldn't help myself. I finally got to the stage where I did not want to do that anymore which is good. I had no contact with him for several years (until just last month, in fact). Now he lives in another state and we have an email friendship which is great. But none of my contact with him was manipulative - frankly, there was some desperation to it and it was ultimately a part of my healing process.