not sure about this one

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
not sure about this one
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 11:42pm

Im not sure about this one...but im having fun in the process anyway. There is this guy i see every time i go to this bar to shoot pool. For about a year we would just say hello and that is it. Well about 7 months ago,,,we started shooting pool...and kinda hanging out when I saw him. He used to hug me as soon as he saw me, and give me a kiss on the cheek. It was always a kiss on the when he says goodnite,,he gives me a kiss on the lips. He also asks me to be his partner when shooting pool and im not the greatest player. Im friends with his roomate as well..and because hes more outgoing we end up talking more. Since i have the roomates cell phone number we end up chatting atleast once a week. Tonite i was out at a happy hour and decided to leave earlier then usual....he looked a lil upset i was leaving. I enjoy hanging out with him...and wouldnt mind at the least having the friendship i have with his roomate....we are both very shy,,,so im not sure how to reach that point. Thanks for listening
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 1:17pm
Well, he seems to be moving forward, but very, very slowly. Like a kid learning to talk. I'd think that if he were truly interested, he'd have made a real move by now- meaning asked you out. His roommate gave you his number, right? Why aren't you interested in him?

If you really do want to make a move, just ask him to do something the next time you see him. I don't know what the outcome would be since I think he should be the one to ask you, but at least you can know if you do. If he says no, I'd go for the roommate!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:46pm
Honey....what are you dancing towards at this slow rate.

Because what you're doing is hanging out - albeit in public, and he's moving closer and closer in his "shy" way to having access to your body and your heart without disclosing what his desires and intentions are in any regard.

I mean, you're over here projecting and assuming into his behavior, his intentions - needs - goals and desires. None of which you know for a fact.

What if you found out this "shy guy" was just shy when it comes to asking you out. As in, he doesn't want to date and he's quite content to play pool, kiss on the lips, look upset tha tyou're leaving early, which'll have you changing your schedule and allowinghim acccess to you as if there is some communicated arrangement and if there are shared values, priorities and goals...only to find out what he was avoiding was obligationa nd responsibilty and he was hanging out because that was fun, and he'd love to hook up because that'd be great - as long as it doesn't involve obligation and responsiblity to have to deal honestly with you.

Taht's where you're headed with this approach.

If he's so shy that he can't ask you out...then he's not man enough to be out with.

Because if you ask him, you'll do all the planning, pursuing, scheduling, and altering of your life and your time with him...and he'll be too shy and just willing to do whatever you want, that's fine with him - while every second you spend invests you in him as a person and in being what you want and need - while he's just sitting there with no need or requirement to invest in you by meeting your needs and standards because he's just there, doing whatever you want.