Not sure I could be bothered with OLD anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Not sure I could be bothered with OLD anymore
11
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 4:43pm

I was bored the other night so I was looking on a free site--a guy contacted me.  He's not very close to where I live--probably an hour away but he said he does come to my city at times for business.  He started off asking me what I like to sing so I thought well at least that's different.  We exchanged a couple of emails, then I signed off & figured that was it.  He sent me another one today.  I asked him if he had a pic & he said no--but he said he'd describe himself, oh yeah, that works--NOT!  I am not all that interested in OLD anyway but now he is breaking a couple of my rules--too far away and no picture.  I do not want to get stuck wasting my time if the first glimpse I get of this guy is that I am totally turned off plus I always wonder then is this guy a scammer?  Now that everyone has a cell phone with a camera, how hard is it to take a picture & upload it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 7:00pm

well, it's hard to get a flattering pic with the cellphone. I always look so blah and old.

Most people will offer to send a pic by email that is if you don't mind giving him your email. I have a separate acct for OLD.

The other day I was online, a guy came on the chat. He's 29 tall and cute. Profile says he's has a masters degree and owns successful online business. His age range was from 26-32 but how he came across my profile I don't know. He was far as well, a good one hour away. He bantered back and forth, then he steered toward sex talk, nothing blatant but I could see it going that way. He mentioned his dog, I took that direction and he kinda got the the vibe it wasn't sexy so he went away.

Honestly I don't know why people would use OLD for sex talk. Aren't there hook-up sites for that kind of thing?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 7:16pm

I'd be leery of no picture too. Like you said everyone with a cell phone can take and download a selfie these days. I would probably say "Well I'd hate for you to drive an hour and then find out there's no attraction"  But then again my brother has been single forever and joined match.com years ago. He has met and dated A LOT of women from there. One day I was over at his house and he happened to be looking at it on his lap top.  Well he made some crack about how some of these womens pictures look good but then when he metts them in person he thinks to himself  "Ah... when was that picture taken? 10years and 40 pds ago" ? Couldn't help but get a bit of a chuckle out of his commment. So now he somehow in conversation before they meet subtely throws in a "nice picture, is it recent" ? lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 8:11pm

Oh I've had that experience too--or you just know the pic is old.  Like the man says he is 55 but the picture definitely looks like he's at least 65--so what is the point of that?  Then the woman just thinks that you look old for your age.  And I've had friends who could not recognize the guy in person because his pic was so old (and obviously women do this too).  So don't they realize that if the pic looks great but then they don't, that the other person is inevitably going to be disappointed?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 10:44pm

What I don't get about these no picture people is, they choose profiles WITH PICTURES.  They deserve to see our pictures, but they don't have to pony up.  Why not choose someone with a pictureless profile and even the playing field?  Call me immature but I always pulled the, you saw mine now show me yours and if you can't, sorry, but you can keep it movin', card.  It always worked, too.  They either sent the pic or I never heard from them again.  Well, maybe 99% of the time anyway. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 1:31pm

I'm thinking that I probably won't contact him again.  I didn't think of him at all today--when I first started doing OLD, I might have gone a little overboard, but at least I'd get excited about the thought of meeting someone new, now it's more like dread, so I guess I just need to stop OLD completely.  Of course I did email a couple of guys whose profiles I thought were very good--and of course I heard nothing from them.  When I do the search, I don't even look at people who don't have pictures.  Then it also puts you in an awkward spot--you ask for a picture, think the guy is horrendous and then don't want to have anything to do with him--I know from experience that is very hurtful and I'd rather not do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 1:47pm

I was going to ask if anyone had much luck emailing the guys. Maybe I'm too self-conscious but b/c of that haven't emailed many guys. So far no luck. Nowaday, I leave up to the guys.

Sadly with advancing age, the pool of guys that email me are shrinking and lacking in quality. You know people talk about being picky. Guys who take picture of them half naked wouldn't get a response. Well, I had a guy like that emailed me. Other than the one abberrant picture, the rest of the profile seems OK so I wrote back. The guy didn't even introduce himself. I had to gently tell him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 5:38pm

Well, you know my luck with OLD.  But I was discouraged even before the rapist scare.  Seems like there are a lot of players there.  BUT, at the same time I always felt like I didn't have anything to lose by trying.  Not like I've had luck in any other situations, but then again I don't go out all that much.  I don't think you should necessarily give up but definitely be careful and get a last name if you can so you check on them. They absolutely MUST have a picture.  In these times there is NO good reason not to at least send you one even if he doesn't want it plastered on the site. To me that is a flag.....married? green teeth with horns?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 8:14pm
I have to admit I was in that SAME situation...I don't talk to people who don't have a picture.In fact I even put in my ad that if you don't send a picture ,...I will NOT respond.I do this with a picture of myself and STILL some idiots will respond back with NO picture saying stuff like ..hi or you're cute want to chat?..UGH...and to be fair..yeah I have taken the chance in e-mailing someone who didn't have a picture and of course when I did ask him for one and he DID give me it...I was NOT attracted to him...so I didn't say anything and stopped responding.I felt bad about that so I choose to NOT respond to people who don't send a picture.They should know better by now..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 12-06-2013 - 8:01am

honestgirl31 wrote:
I don't talk to people who don't have a picture.In fact I even put in my ad that if you don't send a picture ,...I will NOT respond.I do this with a picture of myself and STILL some idiots will respond back with NO picture saying stuff like ..hi or you're cute want to chat?..UGH...They should know better by now..

Musiclover12-

My policy when I was single was also not to bother with women who didn't post pictures. I always posted a picture myself. As others said, it isn't that hard nowadays to get a photo to post online. If you don't have a cell phone or a digital camera, a friend or relative will!!! So, IMO,  a policy of only responding to guys with photos is perfectly reasonable. If there's no picture, you can presume he's ugly or married (and doesn't want to be discovered as a cheater). End of story.

You also mentioned the fact he is an hour away. This guy is clearly the wrong guy for you, but with the pool being slim, I'd look for ways to broaden it. If I were you, I'd consider guys some distance away. I'd be pickier if they live farther, but still I would keep myself open to the possibility.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 12-06-2013 - 1:22pm

He did say that he came to the city that I work in sometimes so that's why I thought it might be ok.  It's funny--I would go an hour south because that's where my mom & relatives & some friends live, so I am there a lot anyway, but an hour north is more difficult.  Right now with a son still at home it's hard to do anything long distance.  I know on weekends it would be ok, but I'd like someone close enough so that we could sometimes go out for dinner during the week--it's hard to do that when they are an hour away--and there is not going to be any staying overnight on week nights when my son is living at home.  Maybe after he goes to college next year, it would be more of a possibility.  The reason that on OLD sites I usually limit myself to within 25 miles is because I live near a big city, so just for men in that distance range in their 50's there are literally hundreds of profiles--that's enough! (or so you would think)

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