not sure what chick means/

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
not sure what chick means/
6
Sat, 06-28-2014 - 8:56am

Hi,

I need help figuring out female psychology so I figured I would go here for help. Here is the story. I met “Barbara” at college because she was having computer issues. I used to be a computer technician so I helped her with those issues. We were studying similar college majors. We eventually became friends and we speak on a regular basis now. She is an admitted “drama queen” in terms of her personality. She has also admitted she is attracted to me physically and she admires my intelligence and such. I told her I am focusing on getting my stuff in order in terms of financially, professionally and medically before I focus on romance with any woman. She has an overbearing personality and she admits this. She says that we both agree that we are good friends but any a romantic relationship is not a good idea. I totally agree with these assertions. I went to her graduation party for her master’s degree and met her pastor who is allegedly trying to get down her pants. He is 61. She is 36. She also tells me stories about her medical doctor asking her out on a date. But at the graduation party, she says that when I  am driving again we should go out. And she has also told me that if I were ever to marry another woman she “would be jealous.” And I always come up in all of her fortuneteller readings because I guess she talks to fortunetellers occasionally. It sounds like she takes that silly stuff sort of seriously. So here is the question: is she trying to make me jealous? What is the motive or thought process of a female when she does this to/with a guy? Because when she tells me about other guys that are interested in her, I don’t put on a jealous persona. I don't get jealous. I actually act calm and encourage her to go for it if she wants to date the doctors or other guys. But what is she expecting me to say? Sorry this post was so long. But I just want to get an idea of the female thought process and wanted you to know as much as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 06-28-2014 - 10:27am

Oh please don't think that she is representative of all women!  What I do think happens a lot is that a person likes someone else (this is probably true for men as well), the other person doesn't return the affection but says "we can still be friends," the admirer goes along with that thinking well it's better to be friends than not have that person in my life at all, but secretly hopes that by hanging around together a lot it will change the other person's mind and eventually a romance will develop.  I know I've done that, but eventually I usually figure out that this is going nowhere so if I like the person as a friend, I continue with the friendship but don't expect anything more.

I do think she's telling you about other guys to make you jealous and telling you about the fortune tellers to put it in your mind that you should be together.  It's ridiculous to say that she will be jealous if you marry someone else when you aren't even dating.  I think you should be careful with her because she sounds a litte nutty, so you can't give her even a little sign that you are more than friends if that's the way you want to keep things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
Sat, 06-28-2014 - 11:11am

well, a few days ago, she also told me that she was conversing with the medical doctor. she allegedly tells everyperson she knows about me. she mentions me in and aadmirable sense. (this is her version of events, I should emphasize). so the medal doc is alleged to have said to "Barbara," "you know your frined you mentioned before?" (meaning me of course). and then the medical doc is alleged to have told her that if he pops the qeustion then "Barbara" and I would have to stop communicating. I just calmly said "well, I guess we will get to that bridge when we cross it and see where it goes." I didn't sound traumatized or sad and wasn't.

But when I am driving again and find work and make money, I think I will just lie to her and tell her I am still living with my parents.   

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 06-28-2014 - 3:51pm
This is what I think. I think she definitely wants to be with you, and at 36 she's thinking her time is getting short. She's either gotta make her move or move on. She's letting you know other guys are interested in her, hoping you'll realize you can't wait forever if you want to date her. She's telling you she'd be jealous so you'll know she doesn't want you to be with anyone else. Either you take a leap regardless of your situation or you tell her it's never gonna happen so she can move on. Making excuses is just leading her to believe that someday it'll happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Sat, 06-28-2014 - 10:18pm
Don't lie to her.You already told her that you're not in that place right now to be dating anyone. You shouldn't be forced into something that you don't want to be in at the moment.Always be strong and upfront and never lie.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 06-29-2014 - 11:18am

I agree with both Shy and Music.  She does sound a little nutty and I do think she's wanting you to make a move of some sort.  If you like her, ask her out and if you don't. then maybe it's time to let the friendship kind of fizzle out.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Sun, 06-29-2014 - 7:47pm

You said that you don't want a romance right now because you are focusing on other parts of your life, but you didn't say whether you would want to be in a relationship with her if the timing was right. She probably thinks that eventually you two will get together. I think she's telling you that she likes you as more than a friend and trying to make you jealous so you'll realize that you do want romance and start treating her as more than a friend now.

If she's not your type or for some other reason you think you'll never want her for your gf then you need to tell her that in clear (but kind) terms. If you leave it vague then she has hope for "someday" and IMO its leading her on and giving her false hopes.

Its usually hard to be "just friends" when one of the parties likes the other as more than friends.