Not sure what's wrong with me...
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| Fri, 01-19-2007 - 12:26am |
Hi,
So I was just wondering if I could get some advice, or opinions.
I got out of a whirlwind relationship a while ago, I fell in love with him however he ended up moving and I couldn't go with. It took me almost full year to get over him completely, for the longest time I just couldn't move past it.
Now I am 100% over him though and have taken a good 4 months off dating because I'd had a few dates and just didn't feel into it.
lately though part of me wants to start dating, so I'll go on an online website, start talking to someone and then all of a sudden I just feel almost claustrophic and like it's not what I want.
At this point in my life I really enjoy the freedom from being single and not having to worry about what another person wants though. But there are nights when I feel lonely and would like to have someone to share my time with.
That and I guess part of me kind of thinks not many guys would be interested in me. I don't drink, I don't like to party till all hours in the morning and just prefer to go to bed at a decent hour (which isn't really that typical for my age - 23). I get a little self conscious of this.
I'm starting to worry though, so many people keep asking me if I'm seeing someone or offering to set me up. I've been told that I should 'hurry' because all the good ones will be gone and when I'm older, if I'm dating guys who are 30+ and are single, there is likely something wrong with them.
I just don't know what to do. Like do I try and push myself past my little shell and start dating and hopefully once I meet someone I'm interested in the desire to be in a relationship will come back? I'm just not sure if it's what I want and it seems like all the last dates I've went on after one or two dates I just wanted to end it (and I hate going through the process of trying to explain that to a guy)...
Anyway, sorry to ramble, I think a lot of it just me being frustrated with myself and not feeling like I want to date when all my friends seem to be getting married.

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Thanks again for the posts. Ugh. So frustrated again. This is what I do, I think I want to do something but then my mind changes, it seems like I back and forth a zillion times.
After doing more research into HR, this seems like it would be very hard to get into, from what I've read most people have masters or many years of work experience. I mean of course I don't expect to step into an advanced position but I also don't want to be a receptionist or an assistant with basic duties for 3-5 years.
So that brings me back to teaching. It seems like I always come back to it so maybe it is the best option (and thanks for the post pink...it's good to hear someone who does enjoy it). I think I would love the lesson planning and could probably handle marking and such, I mean if I can do extra work at home I don't really have a problem working 10-12 hours a day, so long as I'm not at the school the home time and am comfortable on my couch :), but I just picture getting stuck in a class with a bunch of 10 year old kids who do nothing but try and torment you... and this is maybe a wrong image?
Then also, if I went back to get a teaching degree and couldn't get a job for some reason, what else could I even do? I'm in a somewhat bad position right now as I don't have much work experience with anything (I've been working as a personal trainer and writer since graduating from phys ed).
Since you have a phys. ed. degree, I assume you'd be teaching PE.
Thanks for your post. Ideally I would like to teach phys ed and health. The problem though is that to get into the after ed program (high school route with a major in phys ed) in my city you need an extremely high GPA (95% I believe) which unfortunately I don't have.
This would mean I would take the elementary route since it's generalized and wouldn't require me doing another 10 full courses to complete a different major (since my under grad is in phys ed, obviously I don't have enough science, math, etc background to do that as a major).
Maybe with any luck though the school boards would still hire me for phys ed since I do have the specialized degree in itself?... It wouldn't be the end of the world to teach elementary though, just the really young ones I think I'd struggle with. Ideally I'd like grades 5-7 I think.
Anyway, it's good to know though that so long as proper measures are taken the 'crazy class' could be avoided. I suppose that's a given but sometimes my fears just run wild.
Thanks again for the advice.
I think that you are totally normal! I feel as though I am in a similar situation. Its like I enjoy being on my own but then there is pressure to be attached from friends and/or the fear of never finding someone if I dont hurry up! But then sometimes you meet guys that are just not what you want and it's like go away.
I am coming to grips with it myself because I really enjoy my alone time and I was in a relationship for 6 years until this past summer. I think that feeling the pressure is a normal part of being a single person and feeling lonely at times too.
To be honest its not easy to just find someone that you actually like so yes, I really think it you will feel it again when you meet the RIGHT guy--the right guy FOR YOU. I guess my advice is to definitely keep on moving forward, keep dating people when you want to, keeping hanging out with friends and enjoy life! Maybe you think 23 is old but its not and you have SO much time to enjoy your 20s. Just because someone takes you on a date doesn't mean you have to start a relationship with them. Everyone who dates should know there is a chance it won't work out so guys have to understand when you are not feeling that vibe.
As for you not partying, I think that is so respectable and most guys who date party girls are interested in only one thing anyways. The right guy will totally respect that about you.
If your friends are getting married at 23...i really really wish them luck. People change a lot in their 20-25 and then more in the 25-30 years. Sometimes when I think of how I am single now...i think it would be worse to be in my 30s and divorced due to getting married too young. I mean anything can happen and maybe they will all make it but that is just my perspective on things.
Best of luck to you and have fun!
~Diva
Oh my goodness, you sure are an extremely mature 23 y old... on one hand, I aplaud you; on the other, where is the hurry? Carriers? Relationships? you have a life time for all that. You will have a life time of early nights and non-alcoholic drinks and quiet time at home when you're older. But you won't be 23 forever. YOU ARE SO YOUNG!!! As someone said in their post, nowadays people tend to mature much later, and early 20s are the new teens.. Ever thought about just 'going along' with whatever fun life might bring? Be it a party or two, a (very occasional of course) drinking session with your mates or a spur of the moment trip abroad? Or even a casual 'no strings no committment' fling? I am 36 (going on 20 life-style wise); I would KILL to be 23 again and to have my whole life ahead of me. If a carrier is so important to you, so be it. A word of warning though: this is just my opinion, but at the end of the day, a job is a job is a job. It pays your bills and keeps you fed and clothed. It won't cuddle you when you're down and hold your hand when you're scared. Sure, go ahead and research your carrier options but I personally do not see anything at all wrong with just doing a job, for the rest of your life, as long as this is what you want. I have been a PA/Secretary all my adult life and believe me, I am not complaining in the slightest. I leave work at 5pm and forget all about it till next morning; at weekends, work dissapears all together and my real life with my amazing (39 going on 18)partner begins!! To sum it up, for some, work is a miniscule 'have to cause I need to pay the bills' part of their lives. To others, a carrier is important. At your age, I don't think you'd even know which is right for you. Although, having said that.. considering how mature you are, you may well know already. My advise to you would be this: ENJOY LIFE WHILST YOU CAN!! Young sure doesn't last forever. All the very best to you.
i dont think anything is wrong with you. i think you just know what you want and you are not going to settle and that is fabolous. you should not have to feel weird or sorry for knowing what you want out of life, some people search their whole lives to know what they want out of a relationship. and have so many failed ones because of it. and there is someone out there who does not drink and go out till all hours of the night, i know ive met them. and if someone doesnt want to be with u because of something like that then u wouldnt want that person anyway, its like ben harper said " take me as i am, or leave me where you found me." you will find someone who wants u just the way you are. and i dont think you should hurry, just because someone is single in their 20's, 30's, or 40's does not mean something is wrong with them, they are prolly going threw the same thing you are. your single and nothing is wrong with you im sure. i think the moment you stop looking it will all just fall in to place, untill then go out and date, have bad dates but its only going to show you more of what you want out of a relationship. the real question is whats wrong with all of the men haha?
bella
AnnaBella <3
"After doing more research into HR, this seems like it would be very hard to get into, from what I've read most people have masters or many years of work experience. I mean of course I don't expect to step into an advanced position but I also don't want to be a receptionist or an assistant with basic duties for 3-5 years."
You may find this in ANY profession - It does take 3-5 years in junior roles to get decent experience in a field and therefore build your credibility. I was in a reception/assistant role for 4 years before I took the next step up into a pure HR role (and I was only 30 at that point). The experience I gained in a junior role laid the foundation for the next step. Time in the 'trenches' so to speak is a very important career foundation stone.
Also, by being willing to take the junior roles, you may find it easier to break into the profession. You can also develop a strong network of both supporters and mentors. Work I did in junior roles gets my foot in the door for more senior roles now because a lot of people saw my standard of work with I was doing back then.
If you are in a position to move (for any profession) to gain experience, moving to a smaller/remote location for a year or two can do wonders for the career development. You develop solid experience because you often only have yourself to rely on.
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