Not sure where I belong anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Not sure where I belong anymore
11
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 10:35am

I moved. I moved when my fiance and I broke up. I needed a change I hated my job I needed to be somewhere where there was life. I moved to where there is indeed life. I can't afford to live here. I can afford the basics but yesterday my car insurance came in and because I live in a city now it doubled, yes doubled. And the bill I got yesterday was only for one month. I will get my quarterly bill next month, that I don't have the money to pay. This job I took is boring me to tears. I don't hate it because anything is better than the situation I was in but I don't do anything....and when I mention it all they give me are websites to read. this is turning out to be a disaster.

I called home yesterday and my brother and his girlfriend were there and they just got engaged. I am happy for them but soo sad for me. I feined my excitement and just quickly got off the phone and crumbled. I just don't know where I belonged. Everything is such a mess. I can't handle wedding talk. I can't sit and listen to the planning. I can't even watch an episode of bridezilla's without breaking down.

I was doing so good. but now I just feel terrible. I try to get out and do things but I can't afford to put extra gas in my car to get to someplace free, I am overdrawn in my account every month so even $2 for a bus ride is too much.

And you just never hear stories of people in their 30's who find new relationships. I know its not old but I just feel like I'm going to struggle like this every single day for the rest of my life, and I have about 50 years left! I just don't know what to do.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 11:27am

Can you switch insurance companies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 2:16pm

oh man. please don't say it will be that way forever. my jackass fiance and i are on the verge of breaking up (obviously because he refuses to grow up) and i have to believe that there are a few good years left in us!!

think about it...our metabolisms aren't completely gone yet, we should be reaching our sexual peaks, if we're alone then the house will always smell good...umm...OH! and while our friends are getting fat having kids we can borrow all of their jeans!

I know it sucks so bad and its hardest to let go of what you thought your life was going to be, but it is still YOUR life and you WILL make it good. Give yourself time to hate him, and them, and it and then move again. Somewhere a bit more sensible. Think of your time w/o any money as a chance to get to know yourself again, I'm sure you're excellent company.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 6:15pm
This is cliched but bears repeating. The only restrictions we have are the ones we place on ourselves. If you are fiercely determined, have well defined goals and willing to persevere, you can get ANYthing you want. This includes the job of your dreams, the man of your dreams, the home of your dreams -- well pretty much the all American Dream. The only problem most people face is in being able to motivate themselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 7:23pm

First of all, congrats on actually stepping out on your own and leaving behind a bad relationship. It doesn't matter who broke off the engagement, it sounds like you knew it wasn't going to be the kind of relationship you wanted to spend a lifetime in. I think that takes more strength than staying.

I don't know what options you have at this point as far as changing your situation. Is it possible to move or get a roommate to help with expenses? I know how stressful an financial strain like that can be. Is it also possible for you to find another job or even get a second job that you like? Even if you can't leave your current job, maybe you can find a retail job with people you like in the evenings to keep you from watching Bridezilla and get you socializing a bit. A second job would also help with some of the financial strain.

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. A break-up is hard enough, much less enduring such a large life change. Let yourself be sad, feel jealous, be angry, etc etc. Take it one day at a time and know that it will get better slowly. Of course everyone here is always willing to listen and I'm sure many women have been in similar situations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 9:29pm

Please don't feel that you are "used up" at this age. Remember, there are older people on his forum!

I am 40. I found two loves in my thirties. It happens all the time. My mom found her last lover/boyfriend of 32 years at age 50. Yes, 50.

If you take care of yourself, don't overeat or overindulge, get regular fresh and exercise and eat a lot of vegetables and fruit...it will take you far. You will find your life spark going on a lot longer than expected.

Having said that...try not to be too hard on yourself. You moved, you made a change and that's pretty ballsy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but you took a risk and that is great. I like the idea of getting a roommate, that may help.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 1:11pm
Thanks all for your responses. The only thing that worked out in all of this is my apartment so I'm holding onto that with a firm grip. No roommates.
I've been working out some financial situations to make things easier on me.
You know when it rains it pours. the car insurance thing certainly got worse. Where my agent told me the rate was going to double it actually quadrupled when I got the bill. Yeah definitely changing companies. Geico here I come.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 5:26pm

Sun,

I am going through the same thing and I know all too well how miserable it is. Unfortunately for me, my ex-fiance was my best friend for ten years before we got romantically involved - so now I am out not only my love, but my best friend as well. I feel completely alone, and I'm terrified that this is how it's going to be forever.

Hang in there and know that you're not alone in your situation. Anytime you want to talk, reach out - I'm on here everyday, although this is only the third time I've posted.:)

Kelly a.k.a. ScorpioGirl73

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:00pm

Girlfriend, good for you for flushing the fiance & moving on. Now... get a new insurance company (I recommend GEICO, 'cause it's who I have. Depending on your job, they will give you all manner of discounts.).


I agree with the other poster - get a second job in the evening (something at the mall which won't follow you home) to allow you to meet new people and earn some extra money. I wish I had done this when I was living on my own. Instead, I would stay home in the evening & eat & gain weight.


Now as for your brother & his upcoming nuptials. Cross them off for right now. You don't have to be involved in the planning. You have a good excuse - NO MONEY! My 2nd cousin is getting married in September and I skipped the engagment party, bridal shower, and don't plan on attending the wedding. I have no money, and I can't watch a perfectly nice girl get screwed over by my rat of a cousin.


I had a relationship end with my ex getting married behind my back. The whole thing was a Jerry Springer episode looking for a place to happen.


I spent 7 years getting over it, him, and learning to enjoy life on my terms. Then Mr. Pooh came along when I was 31. We celebrated our 4th dating anniversary on Tuesday. So yes, it IS possible to find love in your 30s.


$2 for bus fare? Where do you live, Philadelphia?


summer 2010 sig by Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 2:23pm
Yes I live in the city of Brotherly Love where everyone is shooting each other. There is just no stress worse than financial stress. I am working hard on making ends meet and I'm a really good money manager but I just can't do it. I don't overinduldge but my problem is I don't know many people and I dont' go out much, so whenI get asked, I go because, what did I move here for right? I can just manage without entertainment costs each month.
Yesterday I interrogated a women who works for Pfizer about the kind of work she does and how she got into it. I'm hoping to trip into something similar soon, I hope I laid the ground work so if something opens up she'll think of me. But it doesn't seem likely based on what she said about their hiring process. But at least its out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 4:39pm

I am a city boy, one of the 10 largest. Insurance, forget about it, if you came from a small town, just get used to it. You are not is OZ anymore. LOL

City's are heartless and unforgiving of the week. If you slow down it swallows you. But on the other side . . they are full of possibilities and opportunities. You asking that woman about how she got her job, etc . . .that is exactly how it is done. Talk to every one. If there is a company you think you would like to work for, start showing up, find out what they look for, where the job postings are at, what the qualifications are. Always be "moving", networking, meeting people . . .(-: I have no education, and I mange to earn more than most collage grads. Just keep your mind open, network, and never be afraid to exploit a great opportunity when it presents itself. I have not found a job in the classifieds in over 30 years, and I have had many. You find people who assist and refer . . .

Oh . .. be less trusting than you were at home. If a stranger in a large city is overly nice, the are scamming .. . lol . .. keep that radar up.

You'll be fine. (-:

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.

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