The Number 1 hated comment

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
The Number 1 hated comment
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Mon, 02-06-2012 - 11:34pm

There are these people that hassle the unmarried:

dragowoman

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2012
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 7:46pm
Related (long) article that is inspiring an upcoming TV series.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-1998
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 8:10pm

Its even worse when they stop asking you that. I hate that atttude, and I am not terribly thrilled about being single, either. Quite honestly, it stinks..I am a social person, and I hate not having friends to go out with or even a platonic male friend...Its not what I want or need for/in my life..I just wish I had or knew some answers..{PS.Yes,I used to go to a specific church, but the men there were not interested in dating, in case anyone is wondering.}

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 3:57pm

For me, Jezebel´s article is spot on. Thankfully, I am not often being asked why I am single - I have been spared for that. Except the occasional question, when I make a joke out of it and just laugh it away. But, she says it all here. One does in fact not have to lead a life in utter misery even though one happens to be single for (gasp!) many years. On the contrary, I have a very good and satisfying life with family, friends (although not seeing them as often as I wish), my choir, a job and colleagues I care about and hobbies like reading and listening to music. I´m rather single than ending up with the wrong guy for me, I want to find "my equal" (oh hello, Jane Eyre!) and will not settle. Having waited this long, I can for sure wait a bit longer if it means finding the One (as I like calling him) - even though I would prefer that it happened now.

I have a friend who for many years was just as single as I am, and we had many serious conversations about this. She is now happily married to a man she met online initially. However, she experienced the exact same thing as Jezebel. Friends always asked why she was single, and became really aggressive on the point that she had to hurry up etc. Then some of them had trouble conceiving and problems with people asking them if they should not have a child soon. When complaining about this to my friend, she said "Well, now you know what it feels like for me when you are always hampering on about me being single". That had not occurred to them before...

I´d actually like my married/attached girl friends to help me finding The One, but not by setting up blind dates with guys who really don´t fit me. The fact that we both are single is simply not enough, girls! (I´d rather see that as a tiny insult, hehe). After all, they have been lucky in love and might have some pointers for me in several ways. But alas! No advice ever given. Perhaps I have to ask for it?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 1:46pm
I usually feel sorry for people who as me that question. It's as if they think there's no other option in life. You might as well say: "Why aren't you doing what everyone else is doing?" Um, because I'm not everyone else...I don't have to fit into what society thinks is acceptable or "the norm" thankyouverymuch.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 11:19am

I would especially try to avoid asking married people when they are going to have a baby because you don't know if 1) they just don't want children or 2) they want kids but are having trouble conceiving in which case it's going to be especially painful to keep hearing that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 11:00am

then, once one has the child, it becomes:

"How's she doing in school?"

"What's her GPA?"

"Which college is she planning to attend?"

"What's her career plan?"

...and most of these questions occur while the poor kid is still in kindergarten....ha ha....just kidding!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:57am

To be fair, we get questioned on all our steps in life.

When are you getting engaged?

When are you getting married?

When are you having a child?

Do you know what sex it is?

When are you having another one?

Honestly, even if you do get married, the questions never stop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 10:35pm

Well I think that is one of the advantages of getting older & being divorce twice (I'm describing me)--when you're in your 20's and single, you constantly get asked by everyone--are you dating anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 9:03pm

With me it was always "God pity the wife you get!" :smileysad:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:27am

I couldn't care less who asks me why I haven't remarried...except for men who ask it on first coffee dates.

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