the number one reason why i'm single...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
the number one reason why i'm single...
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:24pm
...what it boils down to is simply:

i haven't made looking for a companion a very high priority.

i mean, we can go around in circles blaming all sorts of things for why we're single, but how many of us can really say that we're doing all we can?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 7:49pm
Well, I think I'd agree on that one, Thim. Maybe we need to go back to your updates you used to give us. What did you call them? Part 1, 2, etc?

I think that some of us maybe aren't doing all we can, but who's to say what that means? Sure, I could go out drinking to bars every weekend, but what would that accomplish? I don't like bars- I'd just find a guy who liked doing something I don't (and probably a loser anyway). I could put my profile back up online, but I'm sure you know how much success I had with that. Honestly, I just don't know what else to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:21am
Perhaps it's also b/c maybe it should be enough to be happy IN THE MOMENT, regardless of who's there--after all, WE'RE there and that should count for something.

My shrink told me once that we basically live in 1 of 2 states: "things would be great IF ONLY..." or "things WERE so great when..." By learning how to BE--how to live our life unto ourselves and no one else--I think that becomes A Great Life.

It's also a way of knowing we DO have that Great Life. I know it took my marriage to show me how great my single life actually was. I've finally come to see that it wasn't XH who was giving me a Great Life; I not only had it already, but I was the one who gave HIM his cachet, socially, professionally, and elsewhere. He may have been a published author, but I was the one w/the social contacts to shop his books around further. Now that he's gone, I still have my own cachet, and what does he have, except the sewer he preferred living in?

So the divorce was a loss, but not mine.