Observation for the Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Observation for the Day
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 9:50am

I dont know if this happens to you guys but there are some days that I dont care if I am alone and single and then there are other days I hate it with a passion I want to die.

So now even if I want someone what is that telling the Universe? Its sort of confusing and mixed messages.. and that isnt good..

I am studying and learning and doing alot of metaphysical stuff and according to these gurus we have to be very specific in what we want and ask for it and find ways to get it..

Maybe I am just depressed and getting more cynical and tired of it all and the singles scene.. I mean for goodness sake being single at 58 and doing the scene is becoming more and more shall i use the word ridiculous.. I cant see myself even dating anymore because it doesnt even feel comfortable and there is something quite not right about it..and most people over 50 I am finding out do not really want to date nor are into it. They just want to meet and move in or take it fast because lets face it there isnt a whole lot of time left .

I just want to accept the fact that I am alone and might remain that way and feel good about it but I have that knawing feeling sometimes that it hurts to be alone too much.




Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 12:04pm
The majority of the time, I'm completely content with being single but I do have my days. I have a single best girlfriend and though she lives far away, we are very close. If I didn't have her in my life, I don't really know that I'd be so content. We kind of lean on each other for support which, I think is what most singletons do . . . they rely on friends and or family to supplement the lack of support one usually receives from a SO. I've always been this way, though. Even when in a relationship, I'd always stay in tune, in touch, and hang out with my girls. Guys come a go but if you are lucky enough to find a really good girlfriend, don't ever let her fall between the cracks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 11:39am

Free you are not alone in your mixed messages.  There are plenty of times when I'm so happy being single I can't waste a single thought on dating or men or relationships.  Then there are times when I'm so lonely and convinced I'll die alone that I hide in my house wallowing.  Neither of those feelings are bad because what really matters is what we do with them.  With the former I get out and try to take over the world in any way I see fit.  I experience life and enjoy every minute.  With the latter I allow myself to acknowledge that I'm merely human and it is ok to feel unhappy and to not have it together 100% of the time.  Then I aim to be somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, meaning I'm happily enjoying my life as a single but open to being happily coupled with the right person.

Like you I have done my fair share of metaphysical studies and I have found quite a bit of what I learned to be extremely helpful.  The main takeaway for me was realizing that there was nothing wrong with how I chose to live my life or for wanting what I decided to want.  I do agree that we have to be very clear with the universe (and ourselves!) about what it is we really want.  However I think the mistake that most of us make is then demanding how our request should be granted.  I'll use myself as an example:

My car had been steadily falling apart for years and I lacked the immediate funds to replace it.  I've also been actively repairing my credit so getting a loan wouldn't be likely.  Sure I work, but I'm hardly wealthy and often don't get to give my savings the boost I'd like.  However despite my financial challenges I figured out a way to finance a new car so I began asking the universe to help me put that plan in action.  Nothing happened.  I was busting my tail to make this happen and it was like walking uphill with a boulder strapped to my back.  My car continued to fall apart and I continued to sink money into repairing it.  So what was I doing wrong?

Essentially I was asking the universe for a gift and then dictating how I wanted to receive that gift.  Talk about poor manners lol.  I needed to let go of the belief that I had a right to control how my new car came to me and simply accept the fact that the universe would give me exactly what I needed, even if it wasn't exactly what I wanted.  This was not easy, but I continued to work at it in my meditations.

Then when I least expected it and needed it most my request was granted.  An elderly relative decided to give up driving for health and safety reasons and gave me his car.  It is older, has low mileage, well cared for, and he refused to take any sort of payment for it.  Here I was working my tail off to try to get my so called genius idea to get a new car plan off the ground and when I stopped insisting that was the only way to do it I got exactly what I needed.  Is it what I wanted?  No, but I'm darn grateful and give thanks every day.

My whole point here is that this can be done with every aspect of our lives.  Whether its acquiring a new asset, finding love, or anything else we desire.  It isn't easy, but I've been actively applying the lesson I learned with the car to other areas of my life and have been seeing some wonderful results.  So freeatlast if you want to stop dating for awhile and focusing on learning to enjoy being single then do so.  However don't think that you have to accept being single forever, because you don't.  If you want to be happily coupled then tell the universe that.  Just stop telling the universe how to make that happen for you.  Perhaps traditional dating or being on the singles scene isn't how it will happen for you and that is ok.  The universe is full of possibilities so there definitely is a way in which it will help you get what you want, even if it is a method you least expected. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 10:50am

I think most people in our age group have mixed feelings about it.  My friend, who is a widow, asked me if I wanted to get married again.  I think she does because she had a happy married so has a good viewpoint on it.  For me, 2 divorces have made me pretty wary.  I think most of the time I'm happy alone but I really would prefer to be in a relationship--I don't really see it as a contradiction.  I think if someone asked you "would you like to have a really good relationship with a man who would care about you, wouldn't cause you big problems and you'd be happy together" then I think you (and most people) would say sure, who wouldn't want that?  I think we accept being single and making the best of it because we don't want to go around moping all the time and right now we don't have a choice so we try to live our lives to be as happy as possible being single.  but yes, some days it really would be nice to have a guy.  Like my least favorite day of the year (New Year's Eve) is coming around--there are some kind of parties I could go to but going out w/o a date on NYE doesn't appeal to me (unless it was something like going to a friend's house where people don't necessarily have to be coupled up).