Odd, Pushy or Dangerous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Odd, Pushy or Dangerous?
10
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 8:47pm

I had a lovely date last night with a new man who is a professional photographer for major brands.  He owns his own company, is reasonably good looking (not heart-stopping!) and we have a LOT of common interests.  After 2 hours together, though, he seems to already be slightly obsessive.

He texted me at least 20 times today, I answered fewer than half of them.

He invited himself to my house and when that didn't work, offered to give me my "daily massage".  (I mean, we had one 30 second kiss in the parking lot, c'mon!)

When that didn't work, he invited me to his house first to watch the sunset, then for that massage, then to "relax", which seems a little alarming to me.

I think he's spent a little too much time in the dark room. I looked him up and he's won some serious awards for his images, and has quite a big reputation in his industry, which makes him appealing, of course.  I like him.  But I'm not playing hard to get - this kind of coming on too strong really does freak me out. 

Part of me thinks I should just disappear, another part thinks I should push back and give him a strong lecture on being too invasive. But the largest part of me figures he was also a nerd or a dork growing up, like I was, and that he just has no clue socially.  Very weird.  Slightly scary.  Definitely pushy.

What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 9:51pm

I tend to disagree, Honest.  I really do believe that most of western society would be better off if we followed our hearts instead of our heads.  I am trying to learn to use mine more.  That doesn't mean I'm going to roll over instantly and be any more vulnerable to SA than I already am, but it also means that I am going to be wise and listen to my heart. It craves him on a lot of levels - there's a lesson there for me.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 4:33pm

I know what you mean about the heart wanting what the heart wants...sad but true :smileysad:

BUT we still need to fight it becuase it's out brains that know better :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 11:12am

OK, this is silly, childish, immature and whollly thrilling to me: last night in a volley of text messages, SA called me "Sweetness" and was very endearing.  I guess the heart wants what it wants, and even though I tried really hard to make myself like Alan the Gallant, I failed.  I suspect until I get the SA out of my bloodstream, I'll have the same fate with this new one, too. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 10:29am

I'd like to get some of that honey.  But then again, I'd be very cautious about some stranger who just came up & introduced himself to me--definitely wouldn't go to his house to "relax."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 12:24am

Well, I don't really DO anything. And more weird, since I don't drink, don't party and don't really socialize much, I have a statistically very low chance of meeting any people, male or female, except through business...and I work from home.

Basically, men come talk to me in grocery stores, car washes, stuff like that.  I think I look friendly or not intimidating or something.  

Just got back in from about 2 hours strolling on the boardwalk with him.  For the first hour, he took hundreds of remarkable photos - he's a professional photog, right. Then he said, "Now it's about you and me."  And we had a pleasant enough conversation.  I'm not sure I ever want to see him naked though, and he's just a nice man, but not ringing any bells anywhere on any level...and he's never been married.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 10:29pm

Yeah,,I want to know that too!!How do you meet these guys so fast??!!! I mean I went out Sat night and didn't get anyone out of it....What is it about you that attracts these guys?!!

But to answer your question...TOO PUSHY! Just tell him that and see what his reaction will be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2011
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 9:51pm

"Gee--how do you find these guy so fast?"

"This one introduced himself in a public place."


They come.. like flies to honey.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2011
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 9:48pm

then to "relax"

Relax is malespeak for sex. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 9:27pm

This one introduced himself in a public place. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 9:13pm

Gee--how do you find these guy so fast?

I would tell him straight out that you want to get to know him better before there are going to be any massages or any kind of physical activity at all.