Ok for women to wear rings??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Ok for women to wear rings??
15
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 1:24pm
Within the past two weeks, on two separate occasions, two male co-workers

of mine hit me with the same question in hopes of gaining the

female perspective on the subject. The fact that they BOTH asked me the

same question was purely coincidental and they had not discussed the

subject with anyone else prior to asking me. But today at lunch when the

second person asked me, about 10 minutes into the resulting conversation,

the first person who had asked the question came over and the three of us

discussed it together.

What they BOTH asked me was:

"Donna, why do you wear a ring on the RING FINGER of your LEFT hand

when you are NOT married or attached to anyone?"

I was fairly stunned by the question; it seemed so obvious to me--I

SIMPLY ENJOY JEWELRY! I ALWAYS wear three rings whenever I go

anywhere--the same two on my right hand, and I alternate the one I wear

on the ring finger of my left hand. I think only one of those that I

wear on my left hand could possibly be misconstrued as an engagement

ring as it is a diamond cocktail ring.

My co-workers both said that if they see ANY type of ring on THAT finger

of a woman's left hand, that they INSTANTLY assume that the woman is

involved in a relationship and they will NOT approach her! I found this

reasoning to be totally ILLOGICAL! My co-workers were quite adamant

about their views and said that most members of the male species share

the same line of thought.

I told them that I didn't think that women felt that way, that most

would probably wear a ring on the ring finger of their left hand

REGARDLESS of their status of involvement. I said that most women

would not feel insulted if they were wearing a ring that was obviously

NOT an engagement or wedding ring and a gentleman approached them.

This line of reasoning really angered one of my co-workers. He went so

far as to say that it shows where the moral code of today's female is

if they WANT to be approached. He basically stated that only SLIME

would approach a woman who was wearing a ring.

Anyway, after our little discussion, I went and talked to several female

co-workers of mine. ALL that I talked to felt the same way that I do;

that unless it is blatantly obvious that the ring is a wedding or

engagement ring, that it shouldn't prevent a man from approaching a

woman.

Tonight, a male friend of mine called me. I posed the question to him.

He pretty much agreed with what my male co-workers said. Now this really

has me concerned!! Do most men REALLY feel that ANY ring on the third

finger of the left hand AUTOMATICALLY means that the woman is spoken

for? And do most women REALLY feel that unless it is specifically a

wedding or engagement ring, that it shouldn't matter to the men, and it

is OK to wear a ring on ANY finger; that it shouldn't be construed as a

signal that they are involved!

If this is the case, then there is MAJOR miscommunication between the

sexes!! I thought it might be interesting to pose the question here and

see what the men and women here feel and think on the subject.

What do YOU think? Should a ring (ANY ring) be worn on the third finger

of a woman's left hand be worn ONLY if the woman is attached? Is a woman

who is wearing one generally judged by the male population as ATTACHED?

Do women generally feel that it is OK to be single and wear a non-wedding

or engagement ring on that finger and that it SHOULDN'T be construed as a

signal to the male species that they are attached?


.....donna

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 1:28pm
Interesting question! I personally would not wear a ring on that finger unless I wanted to convey the message that I was involved with someone. If a guy approached me anyway, I'd wonder about him a bit, I think, unless he asked me if it meant anything.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 1:44pm
I would never wear a ring (any ring) on my left ring finger unless I were attached or wasn't interested in dating for some reason. It is the single best way to get guys to leave you alone. It does not matter what type of ring it is--do you really think that guys notice what type of ring you're wearing? They're lucky to notice the color of you shirt, let alone what type of ring you have on! Besides, these days, people wear all different types of rings for engagement rings. Furthermore, many women who are not yet engaged but are in serious relationships wear rings on that finger as a sort of symbol that they are taken. I agree with your guy friends...the type of man who would approach a woman wearing a ring on that finger is not the type of man I would be interested in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 2:01pm
Agree with the others. No one here wears a ring on that finger if they are single. Its a cultural symbol - we have so few - but the ones we do, we continue. I think its very unreasonable of you to assume men are going to be able to tell by the TYPE of ring you wear? Get real! Even I couldn't and I'm a woman.

I do think men who approach women with a ring are slime. My sister gets it ALL the time - they are just looking for a little sex w/o the commitment. She even takes off her wedding at events so she doesn't get that (she's an extremely beautiful woman so it still happens, LOL). I had a ring on my RIGHT middle finger and I was talking to this guy in a line up at the coffee shop. I overheard his friend saying "why are you talking to that woman, can't you see she has a ring!". And his friend hauled him away and left me standing there...

Sorry but a ring communicates a message. Either you are OK with approaching men or you don't wear something that implies you are taken. Plain and simple. We all have to makce those choies. I'd love an eyebrow piercing but as a public speaker that would connote something I don't want to connote...so I don't do it.

Good luck, Go.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 2:10pm
I'm going to have to disagree with you, Donna. I have never worn a ring on my left ring finger for that very reason. To me, it does mean I am attached. If I see a guy wearing a ring on his left ring finger, I assume he's married and will not approach. Actually, I remember having this conversation on this board about men. Maybe I'll look that post up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 4:10pm
I would not wear a ring on that finger because I don't want any mixed messages, misunderstandings about my status - I want to meet men and that could be a deterrent to some men. Having said that I don't think it's anyone's business where you choose to wear your jewelry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 5:55pm
I had never heard of the ring thing until an ex-boyfriend of mine told me, while we were dating, that he almost didn't approach me because I was wearing a ring on my left finger. He had to ask a friend of mine if I was single to be sure. I have to admit that it has made me more conscious now of where I wear my rings.

I think it's pretty ridiculous if men are going to judge a women's singleness by the fact that she is wearing ANY type of ring, other than an engagement or wedding ring, on her finger. Who made up this "rule" anyway? But I guess it's good to know what men are thinking to avoid any misunderstandings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 6:46pm
I'm a woman and I NEVER, EVER, NEVER wear any rings on my wedding finger. To me, that finger should only have an engagement and/or wedding ring on it. Just because a ring is not yellow gold with a diamond on it, that doesn't mean it's not an engagement ring! As far as I'm concerned "anything goes" with an engagement ring. I certainly wouldn't mind having a unique rather than a standard engagement ring. Iri
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 6:51pm
I don't quite understand your post. What "rule" are you talking about...the custom that wedding and engagement rings are worn on the 3rd finger of the left hand?

I also don't understand how a casual observer is supposed to know what constitues a wedding or engagement ring without asking, since people wear all sorts of different rings for those purposes.

Sheri


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 10:05pm
The "rule" I was referring to is that women choose not to wear any type of ring on that finger, unless it is to signify marriage/commitment. Personally, I think it's kind of dumb, but I would probably not wear a ring on my finger if I was trying to meet someone, seeing that the other person may get the wrong impression because of this.

You're right...today there are many variations on engagement/wedding rings. It can be hard to tell.

Maybe the point of this whole topic should be that guys should find other ways of finding out if a woman is single, instead of assuming her status by what is on her ring finger.

And...what about guys who are married but don't wear wedding rings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-30-2003 - 10:30am
If you want to wear a ring - fine! Why not approach the men you are interested in - instead of expecting them to bend to you. Its not a RULE, its a cultural tradition to make mating easier. Thats something I appreciate! Why should men be expected to come up with opening lines, ways of finding out if YOUR single, etc? You seem to like THAT cultural tradition...you can't have it all...

Go.

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