Okay different question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Okay different question...
23
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:57pm

Okay so if you read my OP, different question on the same subject...

What's the RIGHT thing to do?

I'm conflicted. He did want to go on this trip but because he's not so bright and didn't plan ahead he can't go. Fair enough.

As a good girlfriend, what's the right thing to do? I know what *I* want to do and to tell him "too bad, so sad." But is that the correct thing?

If this situation were reversed, how would I feel?

"Stand By Your Man" and being forgiving and being flexible keep going through my mind. But what about "Stand By Your Woman?" What about being responsible and acting like a grown up and taking other people's situations (like your girlfriend) into consideration?

He suggested my taking off a few days during this vacation time in August when we can go instead together on a drive somewhere closeby. Like one of the wineries. I don't WANT to go to a **** winery - we can do that over a weekend!

He has told me that I can be selfish at times. So what is the RIGHT thing to do? Men - please weigh in on this. I need help making a decision.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:15pm

I seem to remember that your boyfriend has asbergers, right?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:28pm

He wants you to pay the consequences of his actions? That doesn't seem right or fair to me! It's bad enough you would be going alone because of what he did, but to not go at ALL?? Ridiculous, IMO.

The "right" thing is for him to say, "honey, I am SO sorry my actions caused this problem. Go and have a great time, we'll do a vacation together soon!"

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:34pm

>>The "right" thing is for him to say, "honey, I am SO sorry my actions caused this problem. Go and have a great time, we'll do a vacation together soon!"

That's the right thing for HIM to SAY. The question is -- what is the right thing for HER to DO.

I have the answer but I will wait till I hear some responses first.




Edited 7/18/2007 1:50 pm ET by c2shiningc
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:58pm

Yes, I understand that, I actually read pretty well, thanks. My point is, I don't think that's the issue here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 2:04pm
Sorry, didn't mean to be rude if it came across that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 2:24pm

I agree with Shy and Sheri about this - go on the trip anyway.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 2:28pm

In response to my own question:

>If this situation were reversed, how would I feel?<

I have a hard time seeing this because I am a planner. My time is tight so I make sure to plan it out.

BUT - if something like this were to happen... *SIGH*... I guess I would hope he would cancel and we could just do something together like a stupid little drive.

I wouldn't expect it, I guess. I would pout if he went through with the Mexican trip, but I would get over it, especially if it were my fault in the first place. But I would hope that he would want to spend his time with me.

I guess I have my answer. :(

Am I happy? No. I would like to find a life partner who feels MY time is just as important as his own. What I got is a good guy with a good heart but who can't see past the end of his nose.

(And to answer Shy - yes, this is the one with Asperger's. I'm sure this plays a part in that.)

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 2:44pm
I think you were asking for male advice, but I would go. There's always the chance that this will get put on the back burner, and you may never get around to it. Another point of going, I think he would make **** sure that he make the necessary preparations next time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 2:46pm
Before I read the responses, my immediate reaction (now that I think about it) is that you should reschedule IF you can. It doesn't sound like he was necessarily being irresponsible or just didn't care....you know him better than I do, obviously, but I can be a little flighty at times and just assume that things haven't changed or completely forget something until it's too late...it's very rarely that I don't care, it's just how I am, I'm a very forgetful person. It's definitely a flaw, but if that IS the case with him and if it's at all possible to reschedule without paying a TON of extra money, I'd do it. If not, it depends on how much money you'd lose by cancelling, I suppose. If it's a lot, you're just wasting money without actually going anywhere, I'd still go alone and he should understand that.


Edited 7/18/2007 2:48 pm ET by cml7721
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 2:53pm
Honestly, I'd feel like crap (no offense) if my boyfriend went anyway, UNLESS (like I said) we would lose a lot of money or couldn't cancel (ok, that came out like I'm talking about a specific, actual boyfriend, which I don't have :)....just hypothetical). AND unless he pulls this sort of thing all the time. If it's a one-time slip, I wouldn't be so hard on him. Can he do ANYTHING that week? I mean maybe something a little bigger than the wineries (which also sounds like fun...to me anyway)? You could always make him look at his schedule for far in advance now and make him PROMISE to take this trip with you sometime in the future, even if it's next summer; at least you'd know you'll still have the experience eventually.

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