Okay, what Now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Okay, what Now?
8
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 1:32am

Last week at co-ed volleyball I met a girl. I was so nervous that I could not think of anything to talk about, but there was, I think, mutual interest. Many times we turned simultaneously and looked at each other and smiled. Anyway, I thought that so far so good and that I need to do something before she loses interest.

Yesterday, for some reason, there were many people playing volleyball and I got bumped to a different gym. Many times I walked by her court, hoping that she would notice me. Unfortunately, she did not, and I did not have the nerve to approach her with all her friends there or call out to her from far away. Only at the end of the night then I realized, "damn, shoulda stay at her court, pretending to watch the game, and then approach her when she sees me."

Now, the more I thin of her, I am afraid that I blew my chance. For example, last week several times when she tried to look at me, I could not return the look because I was either caught off-guard or too nervous. Then, last night I could not think of a way to get close to her.... what is your opinion of the situation? If you are the girl, would you be giving up on me? I do not know when I will see her again. Hopefully, I gave an impression that I am shy and not that I am not interested. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: akt226
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 2:59am

Akt226,

From a woman's point of view, it is very hard to tell if a man is shy or not interested and at the moment, you are giving her mixed messages by smiling at her one day and then not returning her gaze the next. However, I don't think you have blown your chances with her. I think shyness is a very endearing quality and I would take a shy man over someone who was cocky and arrogant. It's great that you share a mutual interest and you can become friends with her and assertain if she does have a mutual interest before you ask her out. Good luck!

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: akt226
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 12:58pm
I agree with Feisty.
Yes, shyness is an endearing quality and one in which I love in a man and prefer, too over arrogance.
HOWEVER, you are giving her mixed signals by smiling at her one minute and not looking at her the next. But I do not think you've blown your chances. She may be interested in you, aware of your shyness but yet wants you to step up a bit so that she knows for sure of your interest.
I don't think she'll lose interest in you that quickly. If a man returns my smiles and hellos, he's in my mind and heart for a while. ;-). Good luck to you and please go up and talk to her. She'll be so happy that you did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 8:48pm

Actually we started recognizing each other a month ago. Then she did not come to play for two weeks. Last week, we formally introduced each other. Like you said, she may still think of me. However, since it has been a month, I am afraid that she will lose interest soon enough, and I am going insane because I do not know when I will see her again.

I thought of the same thing too, that perhaps she was waiting for me to do something. But if she looks like she has lost interest when I do see her again, is there something I can do? I am sorry if I sound like obsessed. For me, it is just difficult to meet someone with mutual interest....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
In reply to: akt226
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 10:03pm

I think the next time you see her, you need to talk to her and not just exchange glances. I don't think you've blown your chances, but if you don't seize the opportunity soon, she might lose interest, meet someone else, or any number of other possibilities. Women can be shy too, and I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. Unless you approached me, I would start to assume you were losing interest. Since this is clearly not the case, you must put your fears aside and talk to her. Since you've already had the formal introduction, it should be less awkward. Be friendly and confident and ask her if she'd like to hang out outside the gym sometime. If you don't act soon, you'll always wonder what if and you don't want to end up in that situation do you?

Good luck.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 12:58am

The next time you see her, say something like "I'm really craving some chocolate ice cream.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 2:46am
It seems women think shyness is endearing and confidence is attractive. You have endeared yourself to her so now you need the confidence to win her over. You must break the ice and talk to her. I personally wouldn't try asking her out with the first line because you are more likely to become tongue-tied under the pressure. IMO, there is no such thing as the right thing to say just as long as you avoid saying the few wrong things. You both like volleyball so I think you should talk about this to begin with. Ask her about her playing and if she has any tips to improve your performance, or, tell her you think she is a good player and ask for some tips.The next time you see her you can thank her for the tips and say you “owe" her one and would like to buy her a coffee or take her out to dinner. See, this dating stuff is easy!


Edited 7/10/2006 2:50 am ET by hal_9000
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 4:20am

I agree with hal, find something to talk to her about....volleyball is an obvious mutual interest. And then go from there.

Dont waste too much time just making conversation or you will just be "some nice guy" she met. When you approach her to talk casually you have to also flirt with her in somewhat subtle ways. For instance while your talking to her slip in some compliments...say she looks cute doing something and then give her a little grin....something along those lines thats kind of flirty but not sleazy...flirty, cute and playful is what you're looking for.

So basically just approach talk, flirt playfully and ask to do something sometime....then see what happens...keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 11:07am

First of all, I do the same thing -- I have a hard time returning a man's gaze if I'm interested in him. I get nervous as well. So, know that she might also be nervous.

Also, most women do like for the man to make the move. So, I would find some way to at least say hello. You have a common interest in volleyball, so here are some potential conversation starters:

"Hey. Your team looks pretty good. How are you doing this season?"

"How did you get involved in the volleyball league?"

"Do you belong to any other leagues that play somewhere else? I've been looking for a new place to play."

Another option is to approach the whole group and just start talking to all of them. Then, you can eventually feel more comfortable in just talking to her alone.

Just do it. Once you've made that first step, it will be so much easier from that point on. GOOD LUCK. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.