Is OLD right for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Is OLD right for me?
8
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 8:05pm

I posted this over on the OLD board and thought I'd post it here too, to get your perspective/opinion.

I keep going back & forth in my mind about this.  I unhid my profile from POF after hiding it for several years.  Yes, you read that right.  I've only been on there for maybe a week and I've received a lot of hits.  Some guys seem nice to talk to.  But a huge part of me hates OLD.  No, I don't want to be single for the rest of my life.  But at the same time, having to log on POF every day to read my messages and reply and browse my matches is exhausting for me and sometimes, I find it dreadful.  And I'm not desperate to find a guy.  The other half of me enjoys being single.  I know there is no clear cut answer.  But how do you know if OLD is right for you?  Some of my friends have actually met their husbands through match or POF.  And that's great for them!  And they keep telling me to be patient with it.  I just don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 8:04am

Here is my two cents

If its not for you okay but I dont think OLD can hurt and so what? It is just another avenue or opportunity to maybe meet someone.. Not that it works for many but if its free who cares especially for the older crowd.. these days we almost have to be OLD because that is just the way it is.. I have had plenty of dates since 2008 from OLD and it def. got me out of a comfort zone and into the dating world and no I dont like it all that much but its an avenue .. A means to an end for something. I just stay on and who cares if I get a hit okay and if I dont okay also.. Its not hurting me or costing me any money.. I rarely look at them anymore but hey you never know maybe by some miracle a nice guy will pop up and send me a message.. I mean that date I had that didnt work out back in march was from OLD and atleast it was nice to have a date..

Its no skin off my nose to just stay OLD but that is me..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Wed, 06-26-2013 - 8:43pm

I'm so glad to hear everyones feedback on this. It does make me feel better.  I've been going back & forth with this in my head for the past week now.  I can't do it.  OLD is just NOT for me.  I have no tolerance for it.  I've gotten a lot of hits & messages, but I honestly don't feel like fooling with it.  One guy I was interested in has four kids & recently divorced.  All his kids were under 15 and the youngest is a four month old.  I'm not opposed to dating a guy who has kids, but that's too much for me.  And I don't mean that ugly.  Another guy I was chatting with seemed nice but too serious for my taste.  He'd write me a novel on how he spent his entire day & then got all worried when he made one grammatical error.  

And there are those who have had luck with it and that's great.  But OLD is not for me.  It annoys me.  I'd rather meet a guy while I'm out and about running errands, stopping at Starbucks, at the gym, or while I'm out hiking on one of the trails.  The way I see it, the ones you come across through OLD, you will run into those in RL, too.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 06-26-2013 - 4:49pm

  The question is What do you want and why?  For years I thought  about this and have come to the conclusion that I like being by myself.  I rather be by myself 95% of the time.  No one underfoot,no one playing music that I hate,no one eating the last piece of...........except me.  I sleep when I want to and love the quiet. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 06-26-2013 - 1:04pm

I also think a problem with OLD is that it's hard to stand out unless you are exceptionally attractive.  For ex, there is a guy I know IRL and I've seen him on POF--his profile is only a few sentences.  His picture is good but he's not like a model--just that he's not fat, not too old looking and he doesn't have stupid pictures w/ a motorcycle, holding a fish or shirtless.  But I wonder how he would attract women because there is nothing exciting about his profile either.  Actually in person, he's pretty shy with women, but since I've known him quite a while, I know he's a nice guy.  So I think that happens with a lot of people.  There are probably many men on OLD who are kind of average--their looks are ok, there's nothing really "wrong" with them, but they don't put much effort into writing a profile so nothing really makes them stand out enough so that I would want to contact them first--but maybe if I met those same men IRL, then I would get a lot more of their personality and might actually like them.  So I feel maybe the same thing happens to me too.  I put thought into my profile about describing myself, but I'm not particularly funny or a great writer and I'd say my looks are kind of average and I think a lot of men don't even read the profiles, just look at the pictures.

Well my last OLD experience with meeting someone was that I contacted a guy because he said he had started a meetup group nearby where I live, so I contacted him about that--ended up talking to him on the phone that day for 1/2 hour and his personality seemed funny & nice.  I joined the meetup group, which was having potluck dinners at his house--the minute I met him, I was instantly not attracted to him.  His photo was a little far away, so I got a general idea of what he looked like but up close, not so good.  Plus he made a comment at the dinner that I thought was very ignorant toward women.  And of course, he was interested in me--there's just too much disappointment involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Wed, 06-26-2013 - 7:08am

Hi Wishful,

I did it for a while...too long I think.  I really did get alot of responses but in the end none of them led to anything.  Part of it was my fault and the others were just a waste of time.  I finally decided that it wasn't right for me at all.  I'm not one to open up to  anyone right away to begin with and meeting these guys just seemed like it caused way too much work and anxiety.  I guess I'm just too old fashioned and want to meet someone naturally.  I also am very comfortable being single, maybe too comfortable that adding someone into my life requires changes that I'm not sure I want to do.  My circumstances are different though because I've been married, raised children so the only reason I need someone in my life is for companionship and of course all that comes with it.  Now that I am off OLD though I have a tendency to watch guys that I know are single, are definitely not something I would even consider to date and wonder if they are on OLD.  If they messaged me, how would they come across? 

When you do OLD you have to be patient and be ready to let someone in right away.  I possess neither of those traits and that's when I realized it just wasn't for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Wed, 06-26-2013 - 6:30am

I am on two OLD sites and the response is poor. No dates since I signed in a few years ago, few messages etc etc. Have no idea what is wrong, but I am not in there more than max once a week if even that. OLD is not me at all, it kinda makes me cringe. I have friends who have married guys they met via OLD, so in principal I know it works (for some, at least). But I wish I could just meet guys somewhere else, in real life, from the beginning! Why must it be so difficult....sigh...

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 11:08pm

I have a friend who is on PoF and likes getting the attention. I have another who calls it a site (insert different word). I personally can't stand old anymore!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 9:07pm

I think you're the only one who can answer this question.  At times I thought it was ok, although I didn't meet anyone who was so great, but when the time came that I was spending too much time on it and kind of obssessing over who would respond to me or why I was emailing so many guys & not getting responses, then I would have to take a break.  Finally I gave it up cause it just wasn't working for me and was making me feel bad about myself.  I think if you can do it for a limited time every day (or not even every day, just when you feel like it) and not get too caught up in it and kind of have a thick skin about whether things work out or not, then it would be good.  I do know a lot of people who have meet someone in a lasting relationship on OLD, but it just wasn't working for me.