OLD - same as it ever was

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
OLD - same as it ever was
9
Fri, 06-13-2014 - 8:55am

Yesterday I got an email from a 45 year old man (I'm 59) that just said, "wow u r so hott" Now I suppose he could actually be attracted, but why on earth do men do this? Do women respond to this? I feel like writing back and saying, "Your message is equivalent to a cat-call from a construction worker. It's a real turn-off."

And why do so many men my age look so...old? These guys probably looked old at 45, too. I know some people just don't age well (men and women). And I know we all have this idea in our heads that we look younger than we do. And of course, then there's the generic profile "I like to stay in or go out...I like all kinds of music...I love life...I like to live each day to it's fullest...I am passionate..."

Maybe there isn't a lid for every pot.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 06-13-2014 - 11:42am
It's the same for me. I was out last night. Different place lately, and the crowd is closer to your age. There was a younger looking guy sitting across the bar. We made eye contact- repeatedly. When I got up to sing, he immediately came over and sat with my married friend. When I got back, she introduced us. The first thing he said to me? "You're adorable." I was actually impressed that it wasn't "you're hot" like the last several guys. But it quickly diminished into that. I just told him I hear that often....as in he needs to be more original. He was cute, but didn't reveal too much (we talked for half an hour or so after my friend left) and didn't ask for my number. When I left, I really didn't feel like I was missing out. I did ask him three times to come back, so maybe next time he'll be more interesting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-13-2014 - 1:05pm

I wouldn't mind a compliment on my appearance by someone I actually knew but I think if that was the case, unless you are in a relationship with someone, men don't generally say you're "hot"--it's more like "you look pretty tonight" or something that doesn't sound like they are just trying to get in bed with you.  Saying it that way just doesn't make a good first impression and makes me think the guy is just looking for a hookup.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 06-13-2014 - 1:32pm

Just had to post a giggle.  Yell  Are you kidding me?  That is what my 14 year old says about teenage boys.  

Serenity
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 06-13-2014 - 7:54pm
I've heard "you're hot" a lot, so yes- they say it. Some are obviously trying to get in my pants. Some I've been around several times and I think they truly think that's what we want to hear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 06-14-2014 - 12:12pm

I never thought I'd say this, but I have found it is easier for me to resign myself to being alone the rest of my life than going back to OLD.  I got many responses like that from much younger guys who were clearly looking to have sex with an older woman.  And I got tired of responses from men who looked like they could be my grandfather.  Sure, we all think we don't look our age. I know I do not look 25 at age 53, but I also know that I obviously take care of myself by exercising, being well-groomed, and eating right.  I also color my hair. So, yeah, I do look better than most men my age or even younger.

Florida, my hat is off to you for persevering. I think in the final analysis, I just don't want to be with someone badly enough to go down that road again.  I know that I am much happier and less stressed when I am just living my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 06-14-2014 - 3:10pm

Gleann--I am now getting emails from EHarmoney--80% off!  I wouldn't do that one for free.  Occasionally I'll look on the free sites but I hardly ever contact anyone and it seems like no one is contacting me any more--they probably think the same thing that I do --wow, she has been on here for years.  lol  But I will log on maybe once every few weeks seeing if there is someone new.  On the rare occasion that I contact someone, they never seem to write back--and obviously at this point I only contact someone who seems like a very good match.  So I don't see much chance of success there.  I'm not dating the men I meet in real life either but at least I'm going out and having fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sun, 06-15-2014 - 1:40pm

I have had the same experiences with OLD.  The men my age (53) look so very old and unkept.  The good looking ones all one younger women.  So I get a lot of responses from men that are older (say 60+) or way younger (as young as 29!) I would not be alarmed by a 45 year old.  That is not THAT young and a man that age should know what/who he likes, even if you are 59. My search criteria is set at +/- 5 years. I just don't seem to attract the men that I am attracted to or think that we would make a good match.  Any time I do it's from men from out of state......ya, cuz I'm gonna pack up and move, or drive 100+ miles for a date, lol. Ughh.  That's why I'm just doing my own thing and trying to keep busy.  I don't even go on the sites anymore unless I get a notification saying I have a message or a like.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 06-16-2014 - 8:12pm

  Same.  I live in an outdoorsy  area.  I hate the outdoors!  Night time is different as i like the night but being in the hot sun and risking sunstroke is not  what I had in mind(had sun stroke before and my skin is very sun sensitive)  i really don't go out much any more.  Simce I m middle age so mny of the women are not interested nor I in them.   I have little interest in talking sports(yeech)  politics, somewhat.  but most of the meet-ups are on bad nights for me and some of my interests dealing with grown people who are bonkers or PC brats is not my cup of tea.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Mon, 06-16-2014 - 10:45pm

Yeah... the OLDSs are starting to get careless about keeping the lid on their failures, such as the $1.5 billion lawsuit against match.com... pretty tough to sweep it under the rug with a number like that involved. Easy for me to say---as a man, I'm used to being totally ignored by women---except that OLD is hemorrhaging suckers members to meetup groups.

Still, I think the OLD industry is going to keep putting lipstick on their pig until they go broke... I give them 5 more years at the most.