OLD update - what do you think?
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| Sun, 11-11-2007 - 2:02pm |
So, I've been back on match.com for about a week. I've gotten several winks, a couple of lines from a couple of guys that were just not for me (one of them 65). And then I got two from two different guys who just wrote very little. One said he loved my hair (but he mispelled love) but wrote little else, the other one said he thought sure I would enjoy his company (his had no photo) but gave no indication as to what he liked about my profile.
First of all, I never contact men first. Second of all, I never respond to a wink. The last two actually wrote something, but I really feel I deserve more than two sentences (one of the few qualitites I list as something I'm looking for in a man is "articulate."). Did he read my profile? If so, what interests him about me? (By the way, when I read his profile, I wasn't sure what we had in common). I know that so much of OLD is based on a photo (which I have posted). I don't expect or want a man to write a novel the first time he contacts me, but it makes it hard to reply to these guys who write so little. Do I write back and say, "Hey, glad you like my hair"?
I'm inclined to not respond. It's only been a week, I'm hoping some other men will respond. In the past I've had men write rather charming first emails.
What do you all think?

I wouldn't bother writing back to this guy.
Is there a particular reason you don't initiate contact with men whose profiles interest you?
You say you don't contact men first, so you have no idea how hard it is to compose that first email.
I knew I would be questioned about the winking and not contacting.
My stand on this: I have spent most of my life pursuing men (afraid they wouldn't notice me) and I won't do it anymore. Could be my loss. Let me just say that I have done TONS of personal ads (back in the day when you wrote letters), and have been on match for two different time periods (this is my third). It has been my experience that it's better when they contact me. After a lifetime of failed relationships and tortuous dating, I believe that men pursue and women attract. And believe me, I know how hard it is to compose an email to a man. I've done it many times (or wrote letters). It just doesn't work for me. Yeah, I know--it doesn't really matter how you meet. But I just can't contact first. Now, if I'm at a cocktail party, I have no problem with going up to man and talking to him. But he has to ask for my phone number, and I don't ask men out, not even for coffee. I might HINT at it, throw him a little rope, but I stop short of asking to see him again. Again, could be my loss, but I want a man to pursue me.
As to what he could have said. Well, let's say I said I loved French films, and he likes them too. He could write something like, "Wow, I really like French films too...did you happen to see "My Best Friend"? Know what I mean? Again, I'm not expecting a novel or for us to have everything in common, but I do want a man to indicate that he read my profile and what specifically we might have in common. If he's a sports nut auto mechanic and I'm an opera loving attorney*, what are we really going to have in common?
Thanks all for the input.
*I'm not an attorney and I don't like most opera.
I think there's a big difference between winking at a guy online and pursuing him.
I understand not wanting to pursue.
I agree with what NWW said and what Shywon said.
"Winking" is very flirtatious and feminine, it is not pursuing.
If none of the guys who have contacted you really interest you, then it seems like you should wait.