older but not wiser
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older but not wiser
| Sun, 11-26-2006 - 3:17am |
Hello All,
everyone who remembers having a crush and then freezing or acting like a total nut, please raise your hand!
good! now everyone who is stuck in that phase, please raise your hand, or more appropriately, take your foot out of your mouth!
Its horrible having your Nikes all chewed up and realize that the set of teeth marks match your own!
I am one of the sorry ones who seem to have a permanent address on freak street.
I turned thirty a few months ago. And after listening to a million Hollywood actresses gushing about the wonders of thirty, i was very much looking forward to it.
Let me admit, most of it came true. I am thinner, smarter, make more money and get more compliments, even more dates.
Guys seem to like me, that is, until i come across one that i like back. Then, disaster strikes.
I cant look him in the eye, a weird buzzing starts in my ear so i cant even hear what he is saying, i grin like an idiot, mostly in response to things that he is saying because i never heard what he said in the first place.......... Even thinking about it is making me batty. Deep breath! Now, back to the problem.
At this stage, i bolt. I mean quiet literally. i run a mile. try to avoid him. give short curt answers and then go home and watch Bridget Jones!
Those of you who grew into confident, attractive flirts, please help!(Natural born talent need not apply!) How did you manage that? i dont lack confidence, ask anyone. i have too much of it. i do not lack a sense of humour (you should hear some of the stuff i say to these poor wretches) i can do anything. dive with sharks, jump from planes, run a project single handedly, lie to police officers about my reasons for speeding, anything! But i cant act normal with the guys i like!!!!
WHY??? What do i do? Help!! i dont want to turn forty without learning to be Normal!
everyone who remembers having a crush and then freezing or acting like a total nut, please raise your hand!
good! now everyone who is stuck in that phase, please raise your hand, or more appropriately, take your foot out of your mouth!
Its horrible having your Nikes all chewed up and realize that the set of teeth marks match your own!
I am one of the sorry ones who seem to have a permanent address on freak street.
I turned thirty a few months ago. And after listening to a million Hollywood actresses gushing about the wonders of thirty, i was very much looking forward to it.
Let me admit, most of it came true. I am thinner, smarter, make more money and get more compliments, even more dates.
Guys seem to like me, that is, until i come across one that i like back. Then, disaster strikes.
I cant look him in the eye, a weird buzzing starts in my ear so i cant even hear what he is saying, i grin like an idiot, mostly in response to things that he is saying because i never heard what he said in the first place.......... Even thinking about it is making me batty. Deep breath! Now, back to the problem.
At this stage, i bolt. I mean quiet literally. i run a mile. try to avoid him. give short curt answers and then go home and watch Bridget Jones!
Those of you who grew into confident, attractive flirts, please help!(Natural born talent need not apply!) How did you manage that? i dont lack confidence, ask anyone. i have too much of it. i do not lack a sense of humour (you should hear some of the stuff i say to these poor wretches) i can do anything. dive with sharks, jump from planes, run a project single handedly, lie to police officers about my reasons for speeding, anything! But i cant act normal with the guys i like!!!!
WHY??? What do i do? Help!! i dont want to turn forty without learning to be Normal!

Welcome to the thirties, it's going to be a hell of a ride......
As far as normal, that's relative!! What's normal for you is not for someone else, so don't even sweat it.......
I don't know if I have any real advice because I haven't really liked someone in a long time and when I did, I was always extremely afraid it would be over before I could enjoy it and "poof" it was.....
So, the only thing I could suggest and it may not work is that when you are in the moment, be aware of it and try hard to come out of it, although it may be almost impossible to do......
Or you could excuse yourself (if you are in a public place) go to the restroom and calm down....
Or maybe, if you are in a nightclub situation ask the guy to dance, that way you don't have to concentrate on talking......
How about feel all the things you are feeling but don't run away........
Stay in the moment, the fear might pass and you actually might get to really like the guy.......
Look, you JUST turned 30. You are going to have to be in it for awhile to get the sense of confidence that some of us have.....(not saying I have it, but I have more than I did at 20).......
Don't worry, you will be fine. Oh and I know some 40 year olds who are afraid to talk to men, so you are right, some of us get older, but not wiser.......
GT35
Do you talk to guys you aren't romantically interested in?
Hey GT!
We know each other from the woc board! Good to see ya!
I like your advice and I agree with you 100%
" I don't know if I have any real advice because I haven't really liked someone in a long time and when I did, I was always extremely afraid it would be over before I could enjoy it and "poof" it was....."
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Yip, you are so money there! Right now, I'm in a non crush state. Some days I'm glad I'm there in that state and some days I miss crushing on someone and the adrenaline it brings.
I don't really have problems with talking to my crushes but I've found the guys who have crushed on me had problems talking to me no matter how friendly and open I tried to appear, some of them could barely get a hello out or they wouldn't get it out, they'd just follow me all over the place and not say a word to me which was annoying because I'd say to myself, listen, I'm showing you I'm a nice person, why can't you just say something instead of staring at me with a goofy look on your face? I run across more guys like that and it makes it harder for me to say something to him because then I wonder if he's really interested and if he is, why is he making me do all of the work? So I give up and we go seperate ways. Sad but...
Why don't you try practicing on handsome strangers at the local mall, bookstore or coffee shop? Imagine them being just as nervous as you on the inside, even though they may not be showing it. Or, imagine that you are someone else. Someone you admire for her keen flirting skills. I've seen studies where they do this with people with extreme phobias. They keep placing them in the situations they fear over and over until the anxiety subsides. You know what they say, practice makes perfect and you never know, you could meet someone in the process. Good luck!
--P.S. I just love Bridget Jones ; )
Edited 11/26/2006 4:15 pm ET by bbw_26
Thanks guys,
bbw, I like your advice. Gives me an excuse to talk to handsome guys :) and if it doesnt go well, i'll chart it all to research.
cl_shywon, i never have problems talking to people, goodlooking or not, if i dont have a crush on them. My brain has a short circuit which only kicks in when the pheromones get started. The good side is, it provides lots of entertainment for my friends. The stories are legendery.
greatteacher, i'lll try that as well. living in the moment will be hard cause that is the time where my mind is in totall lockdown mode, but i'll try smiling intead of grinning, saying hello, how are you? instead of Hi,Hubberbubbergook.
You are lovely people,
cheers
psycho