OMG....make it stop!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
OMG....make it stop!!!
23
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 8:20pm

Ok, this is an out and out rant: I have been plugging away for YEARS at this dating thing and I'm at my wit's end! Every time I go on match.com I feel like I'm desperately trolling around for new blood. I don't think anyone who knows me would think I'm desperate, but honestly, in my heart, that's how I feel. I'm nearing 40 and feel like this is getting SO old.

I correspond with a guy online and he keeps saying how "scary" it is that we have so much in common, yet seems to have no interest in meeting with me - he wants to email forever.

I meet another guy in the "real world" who finds out my email address and emails me, then he too seems like he wants an email pal.

i don't think I can do another match search or I'll sob uncontrollably..... any words of enouragement or hope?!?!

Thanks :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 8:21pm

Hi.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 5:08pm

God, I can SO relate to what you guys are saying. I have been so frustrated with dating for so many years I can't take it--I'm 33, been single for 7 years and feel like I'm a failure at life b/c I can't find anyone who wants me. IN fact, i realized that the last time I met an eligible single guy I was actually interested in was in 2002!!!!!!!!! 6 years ago damm*t! I have a particularly hard time with this b/c I am 33 and surrounded by 25 year old women at my grad school. I think, "why would any of my male co-students pick an over the hill, 33 year old who's biological clock is ticking, when they could have a young, fresh 25 year old?" Last week it had me in tears. And my non-grad school friends that ARE in my age group are all married it seems.

To top it off, my ONE other single friend left from our college gang finally met someone and after 6 months of dating is already talking marriage with him. BUT as depressed as it makes me to be the only one left, I guess I have to look at her story with hope--she did match.com for years, got dumped every single time she was in a relationship, but relentlessly kept trying. Then about 6 months ago, she was out at a bar with friends, met a guy who came up to her and asked her out and they've been unseparable ever since. Of course she hasn't gotten married yet, but it seems inevitable as this guy has already talked about it with her. SO i guess we have to look at those stories and believe it CAN happen...after all she kept trying (even after awful experiences) and it finally seems to have paid off. I have no idea why some people seem to have a much harder time finding someone, but we have to believe its not because anything is wrong with us. We have to tell ourselves it will work out!!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 6:57pm

I always thought my age was an issue until I started going out more and started getting hit on by younger guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 7:27pm

Listen honey, Internet dating sucks and you are wasting your time and money. It only took me a year of doing it to swear never to cross that dead end road again. Here are some of the reasons I think it doesn’t work:


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 8:12pm

OK, I'm that older woman, vibrant, likes to date etc. i am at a point that makes me laugh cause you guys are talking like I think some times and I could be your mother. I met my last man friend on line, we were a 2 year pair. I loved him, I was happy, but he couldn't commit and ran. Now he is dating a lady he works with. I met so many guys on line and all are not my caliber, I even tried older guys and they were worse. One guy who was 70, e-mailed me and asked me what I wear in bed with a man. My friends said i should have said, cowboy boots. A doctor said, " I may not be prince charming but I am better than nothing." really. I said, I have the glorious company of a great woman, myself. He said i was narcissistic. I have no desire to go to any more singles dances, go to bars, some men can be OK, but i used to meet the drinkers. I work hard and love to come home. My book group is mostly married people but we love getting together. I work out in a place for woman. Maybe I have had my allotment of men for life. I hope I have another guy in my life but I have become happy and know the other side is not all lined with silver or gold.
I had a marriage with a good man I had nothing in common with, 3 great sons, a marriage with a guy that was very difficult but we worked things out then he died. Have dated lots of men but now I know what I want and know myself better so, It is time to live one day at a time, love yourself, let life flow, what is meant to be will always happen. do what you love to do and kiss yourself in the mirror.

Have you noticed when you feel good and smile at people, people turn around to look at you and guys talk to you and smile? winter is ending for the snowed in people so we can be out with more life. Leila

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 1:59pm

Hi PK,


I can definitely commiserate (if that's the right word).

Accolade
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 2:51pm

Chris,


I am so sorry that happened to you.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 3:27pm

Hi Soleil,


I greatly appreciate your kind words.

Accolade
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 3:39pm

Hi Chris,

I was also a little confused by the picture of the woman on your email sign off, but regardless, I'm sorry you had such a demoralizing evening. We've all had nights like that, and they're the kind of experiences that make you want to stick your head in the sand forever.

But you sound like someone who's very comfortable with himself and refuses to conform - and I applaud that. I guess we have to keep plugging away and trying to meet people, until we find the person who loves us just as we are.

PK

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 7:24pm

Hi PK,


Thank you for the vote of confidence as well.

Accolade