One Down, Two to Go

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
One Down, Two to Go
10
Sat, 11-30-2013 - 11:48am

I was busy with cleaning and putting up the Christmas decorations so I didn't have much time to think about my lack of a love life. And yesterday was MB's birthday so I even talked to him twice....first I called to wish him a Happy Birthday and then he called me later to thank me for the gift I got him (just a small gift, nothing costly) because he gave me a gift for my birthday.  So all in all I'd say I made it through Thanksgiving pretty good surprisingly. The other night MB mentioned something about us being together.  I was pretty straight forward and told him that he was just a tease and that if anything was to happen between us it would have by now.  He said "not necessarily". Felt like asking him if he thought he was going to grow a new set of balls soon but kept that thought to myself.  Then he proceeded to tell me about another girl at work who has been trying to get him in the sack for 2 years now....she sent him via text a nude pic of herself.  Like I wanted to hear that!  He has absolutely no interest in her but still. I asked him why he felt the need to tell me about it.  He said he had to tell someone and I was the only one he trusted not to blab. It was all I could do not to tell him about the one guy at work that was hitting on me the other day or how this one guy I went out with twice called me again the other day, but I don't want to play games.  So now that Thanksgiving is out of the way I am making plans to get through Christmas & New Years: my numerous house projects, our work Christmas Party next weekend that I am pretty much organizing, a holiday lights stroll, a girls night out, etc., etc. I hate it when people feel sorry for themselves without even trying to do anything about it.  I don't want to be like that so I will darn well at least try! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 11-30-2013 - 12:10pm

I just really don't get MB--he basically told you that you were too old, but then he says you might be together.  When?  Are you like the backup plan in case he can't find anyone else to go out with him?  I don't like the way he is treating you.  I think you should tell him that you certainly aren't going to wait around hoping that something will happen--he doesn't have to know that you are having bad luck with dating.  I think it's good that you are being pro-active and going out & doing things.  I always think of Thanksgiving & Christmas as being more family oriented holidays so I really don't mind being single, but NYE is different--I don't have any plans for that.  Last year my 2 friends & I decided really last minute (the day of) to go to a dance--we had a good time and it was certainly better than staying home, but not romantic at all.  It's kind of iffy to go to a dance w/o a partner on NYE--you never know if guys who never ever got a date before will decide that's the night to ask someone.  Well if I'm alone, maybe I'll invite some girls over to hang out.  I certainly have a lot of single friends.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 11-30-2013 - 4:56pm

 Why not ask for what your want directly?  No hints.

chaika

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 11-30-2013 - 5:30pm
You need to read Why Men Love B!tches! Seriously. It's not about treating men badly. It's about respecting yourself. You're not doing that by letting this guy play with you like you do. I'd bet money he flirts with the girl who sent the pic just like he leads you on. Girls don't just do that without some sort of encouragement. That's pretty risky. You need to get really ticked off. Really ticked off. You need to see the situation through our eyes. I know what it's like to be led on and to hold on to hope because I've been there. I'm not judging. But you really need to tell this guy where to go. Maybe his naked picture friend will comfort him.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-01-2013 - 10:46am

Glad you had a good Thanksgiving and that you are chossing to focus on things you have control over vs that which you don't .  .  . I know what it feels like to have nada going on in the romance department and having that one guy at the office who shows me some attention here and there but it never goes anywhere.  I have a feeling most of the women here have probably experienced this phenomenon .  .  . it's something fun to do while at work - something to break up the monotony.  When I think it becomes dangerous is when this guy starts consuming too much of your energy or you start to notice mood swings in yourself that directly correllate to the amount of attention you are receiving from him.       

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 2:02pm

Wow, texting a naked picture. So I guess her body is not hot enough either. j/k Laughing

I tell you though, even though I know myself better to not go for younger guys. I couldn't help but felt a bit flattered when approached by a good-looking 29 yo online the other day.  But the guy also seemed to have other things going on in his life.  I like successful men with things going on in their lives. It just tells me whatever it is I  value, the guy that has those things will be attractive to me, young or old.  So it's not necessarily his age. But still nice to have eye-candy.

I'm keeping quite busy myself, between working extra shifts (hours are long but not necessarily busy go go go - that's why I have time to post), organizing a party, family visiting from out of town later on. But it sure would be nice to have a little romance. It's a perpetual need of mine.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 4:50pm

Lol, believe me I never intended to "go" for a younger man. It just happened. But it's not like he is in his teens or even 20s.  He will be 40 next year and should be a man by now.  And he is not even drop dead gorgeous or anything. That is not why my feelings went from friendship to more.  It's just that he is sweet, considerate, and mostly we have so much in common that when we talk we literally talk for hours.  We talk about music, movies, antiques, work, God, nature, and life in general.  I've had a hard time finding anyone that I click with and can carry on a conversation with like that.  Does he tend to lead me on....yes and that is not a good thing I know.  But at the same time he is a good friend in other ways.  Like burning me cd's just because he thinks I'll like it. And after that OLD rapist scare he called and kept my mind pre-occupied when my son had to work late and he knew I was home alone. If he sees I've had a bad day he calls to check on me and chear me up.  As for the girl at work that sent him the naked pic......I laugh at the thought he would flirt with her, no one flirts with her.  They don't because she is (and I hate saying this) not attractive at all and is trashy,  but more than that she is very crude and almost has a manly way about her: walks like a man and she farts and belches in front of anyone and drops the F bomb constantly. But by telling MB that if something was going to happen between us it would have happened already I feel that I have told him in my way that I'm not "waiting" for him and have accepted that. And I'm not waiting for him.  I have been trying very hard to find someone to take my mind off of him, I just haven't had any luck.  The closest I came was with a guy that treated me very nice but......absolutely no conversation at all, totally struggled.  And the other bad thing about him was he is a mechanic and he DOES NOT clean the grease out from his fingernails.  I'm sorry but YUCK!  No way I could let him touch me intimately with those hands.  And at 54 years old he should already know to clean his hands and nails!!! I don't want to be too picky because I don't really want to spend the rest of my life alone but at the same time I don't want to spend it with the wrong person either.  I've found that being with the wrong person is worse than being alone. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 8:20pm

so I see why you feel attached to this guy. He behavior is just enough to keep him endearing to you. I don't understand that either. Wow, that's tough. I hope you meet someone soon with whom you can have a real R/S.

I tell you though, the wait sucks. You may get extremely lucky and meet someone today or you may have to wait for years. It's tough around the holidays, wanting someone special to take in the holiday spirit. I miss the little tradition I had with my ex bf, decorating the tree, opening presents in the morning with hot drinks.  It's good that we have things to keep us busy, better than sulking alone.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 8:52pm

It's kind of strange that a guy that old is so hung up on age.  My DD was kind of surprised that I have friends who are 10 yrs older or 10 yrs younger than me but I said that when you are older, age is not such a big deal.  But if he does want kids, that would make a difference.  IT's like my friend from salsa dancing--he's 48 yet he still has the illusion that he might have kids some day cause he has never been married or had kids and of course being that he's a man it's still possible if he's with a younger woman.  I don't think he's being that realistic about what it takes to raise a kid and how he'd be working until he's 70, but I think that's part of why he goes for younger women.  Other than that, I think he'd (your friend) would wise up that it's really hard to find someone who is very compatible and he also said he's attracted to you.  That should really be enough.,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 7:00pm

That's how I feel about our chemistry and common interests....it SHOULD be enough. When I first started having these feelings for him I felt sort of ashamed. But then I thought, he is almost 40 years old!  When you find someone you click with so well you should go for it.  But obviously he does not feel the same. So I just continue to try and stay as busy as I can so I don't dwell on it.  I'm going on a holiday stroll Friday night with my one and only single friend (the man hater, lol).  Just a walk through a village that is all lit up with Xmas lights and is full of little shops, bars, restaurants, etc. Doubtful, but who knows, maybe I'll meet someone there. Saturday I have my work Christmas party (that MB is not attending), and next Saturday I'm going with one of my married friends to do some shopping. So at least the next two weekends will be somewhat filled.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 10:45pm

Does this girl pass gas and belch in public?  I have to say, men pass gas and belch and we still find them attractive . . . just sayin' . . .

If she really did send him that nudie pic without any prompting, she may have more than a flatulence problem.