Online daters are social misfits

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Online daters are social misfits
51
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:31am
Almost every single person who has had to go online to find a date at some point has issues. I used to think this was the exception, but now I am becoming more and more convinced this is actually the rule. The vast majority of (normal) people are not online. If they were, a search on any popular dating site for a given metropolitan area for a given age range would turn up tens of thousands, maybe hundreds. Instead, only a couple of hundred at most show up. Normal people don't go online. They have for centuries, or at least for many decades preceding the internet age, been meeting, dating and marrying people within a circle of friends or acquaintances and been perfectly content with it. Those who did not, grew old, died alone and got eaten by their cats. But now all of a sudden another pool of potential dates opens up and these social misfits are as discontent as ever.

'Misfit' may be a slight exaggeration, but despite their outwardly appearance of normalcy, most aren't 'normal'.



Which begs the question - what is wrong with these people ?




Edited 10/29/2007 1:07 am ET by capegirardeau

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 9:19am

I've met more weirdos and true "misfits" in real life than

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 9:53am

Not surprisingly, I disagree.


OLD is just another tool to meet people. It works with varying degrees of success, just like any other tool. I've met some perfectly nice men on line, and have quite a few friends who have found their husbands/wives/life partners on line.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 1:24pm
I tend to agree with you Cape.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 5:55pm

Well we can all form our own opinions but your feels a

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 6:24pm
>> Are you online Cape?



Was.



And if you are, you must be a misfit then, according to your philosophy. Are you a social misfit?



I said almost all. There are exceptions like me but they are hard to find.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 6:28pm

OF COURSE YOU are the EXCEPTION!

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 6:49pm
I agree with the others that being anonymous can lead to dishonesty. Everyone I have met from online dating turned out to be the exact opposite of who they said they were which was really unfortunate. I'm not perfect, but I'm honest. I wouldn't go so far as to say that everyone OLD is a social misfit, but I do think there are more people (note I didn't say all) on there lacking in social skills than in real life situations. It requires social skills to leave your house and talk to people, whereas online you just need basic computer skills. Overall Cape, if you're dissatisfied with OLD try something else, thats exactly what I'm doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 7:36pm
>> Everyone I have met from online dating turned out to be the exact opposite of who they said they were which was really unfortunate.



True. Sometimes I didn't even have to meet them. Some will show their obnoxious sides within a few emails. And I am left wondering, this from someone who claims in her profile to be a 'sweet, good natured, kind, caring...etc'. If you see a litany of adjectives you can be pretty sure the person is none of those.



I have two other issues with OLD. First, online 'chemistry' (I hate that word) doesn't necessarily translate to real interpersonal chemistry when you meet them in person. Often you have to start all over. If that is the case why not just skip the first step and go directly to meeting them in person ? Oh that's right. You have to establish first contact first. Secondly, when people meet for the first time under a "date" circumstance, both are automatically in screening mode. The implied purpose of the first date may be to get to know each other, but that's not what really happens. Both have their guards up, both are tense, both maneuvering through small talk while continually evaluating the other trying to see if the other fits the mold he/she had in mind -- "is he/she hot enough, am I attracted to him/her, how does he/she talk, walk..oh no he/she eats with his/her mouth open..is there chemistry..am I 'feeling' it ..is there mutual attraction..will he/she call..will there be a second date..etc etc"



This is BS ! No wonder dates like these rarely make it into relationships. When people meet with the intent to screen for a potential mate, it's already lost! You will never get to know the real person beyond their physical make up. My 'new rule' now is to meet women under non date circumstances. They wont know they are being screened, nor will they see me as someone to 'check' or 'uncheck'. Everything remains casual. If there is mutual interest there will be some 'hangouts'. If the hangouts lead to more interest, then may be a real date. A date where I can actually enjoy the food and wine instead of worrying about how the evaluation is going. This is the old fashioned, tried and tested way of getting to know people. It's worked for ages, still does and always will.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 8:10am

I absolutely agree. I did OLD for about

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 8:20am
Yeah because their aren't a bunch of social misfits at clubs and bars either. Give me a break. LOL

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