Online daters please beware...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Online daters please beware...
4
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 12:43pm

I am sure every city must have them - I call them online sharks. They prey on lonely, vulnerable woman. If you believe its possible to find love over the internet you could become a victim. Now, I like to say that no matter how you meet someone you can find good and bad apples...but the last year I have seen half a dozen cases of victimization that stem from 2 con men meeting woman thru the internet. I've seen these two men on personals sites, in chatrooms, in community groups and on message boards. I met Brent while he was living in a town 9 hours north of here. He chatted with me online for 2 months...claimed to have a "connection", etc. He mentioned moving here and really wanted to be with me. A one woman guy, in his early 30s...Brent didn't see any reason we shouldn't try to make a "real" go of it...ie, he wanted to move in with me when he got to town. I told him that I have no intention of letting any man move into place, under BC law after 6 months, Brent would have a claim on my home. I am not romantic enough to take any chances. Brent moved here & I met him once. VERY handsome & charming...saying all the right things...I started to let down my guard. Meanwhile, I was in a group with a woman who I was becoming fast friends with as she was planning a move to my city as well - with her bf. But two weeks before the move, her bf stole $ & alot of valueable stuff

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 1:09pm
I agree with you - my safeguards include meeting right away if the phone convo is ok - and I don't email more than once or twice or IM before meeting, I am very supsicious of quick statements of love or flattery or romance, I check out that they work where they say they do and live where they say they do, and I take things slow. If very early on I don't have a work and home number, I am suspicious - also very frequently we know people in common so that's another safeguard. Out of 45-50 men I have met in person only one was a pathological liar - I met him only once and wasn't attracted and learned of this through another friend who dated him four times. True, others might have been liars too - this is the only one I knew about. In general, if the man doesn't want to meet me within at most two conversations (and usually one is my limit) I am suspicious that he is not ready to date - at minimum - and lying - at maximum, and I move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 1:33pm
hmmm...

it almost sounds like he's playing a power game. i mean, it seems like an aweful lot of work for very little gain. he probably gets a high out of messin' with womens' heads. in a way, its very similar to rape...

someone should do an article...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 4:25pm
Wow, what a story. I'm not surprised that these guys are out there - I am surprised, though, that they would spend as long as 8 months - 2 years building a woman's trust. I'm glad you didn't get taken by either of them - and I assume that guy is no longer your friend?

ginger

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 1:21pm
For me, I require all my romantic relationships be in-person. I use to chat and phone for a long time before meeting the other person but now I have shifted to meeting them as soon as possible once I initally establish we have some rapport.

Obviously this won't prevent someone from being somebody-other-than-themselves but I do not put much credence in online and even phone communication as the way to really get to know the person.

Also I don't believe in living together before marriage. I lived with a woman for three years and then married her for nineteen years. I found that living together did not really add value in enhancing the relationship or creating more of a commitment.

Mark