Online Dating????

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Online Dating????
17
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 12:39pm
Hey Everyone!!

I want everyones opinion on Online Dating. I used to shun it thinking it was a ridiculous way of meeting people...but my recent situation has kind have put me in the mind frame that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I know that there are probably a lot of scummy, no good people out there who do date on line...but you can meet those people anywhere. There are bound to be honest people..like myself..who just want to meet people. I have actually filled out a few profiles and have been talking via e mail to a few guys. Non of them are pushing to meet me. They have all put the idea in the air...but have left it to me to decide when the time is right. So, now I am not sure what I want to do. It is such an unknown world. It is kind of scary to agree to meet someone for a coffee and he turns out to be Frankenstein...or he thinks the same of me.

So!! What are your opinions here?? "Yah" or "Nay" to online dating.....

So!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 1:44pm
so far nay... which is odd since 2 of my closest friends met their girlfriends online.

i know its silly to think this, but... it just doesn't seem very romantic to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 1:51pm
I beg to differ. I think of online dating as a "necessary evil" b/c it's increasingly harder to meet people, especially as you age.

I never dated via computer, but while still single my "meet market" came from personal ads. I dated via the ads for over a decade, and my experience was that it was a way to meet men, probably similar to online. You'll meet a few trolls there as anywhere else, but that "goes w/the turf," I guess. BTW, that's how I met my now-XH, but I don't blame the ads for that, I blame the man, but that's a whole other post...

My strongest advice, if you go online or the ads, is to meet the person RIGHT AWAY; don't let too much time and conversations happens before you meet. Else you run the risk of building up this romantic fantasy about the person (and they you; it works both ways), and when you do meet, and it washes out, it's a bigger letdown than necessary.

Also, tell someone else who you're meeting and their phone # (if they don't share it w/you, that's a definite red flag), and where and when the date occurs. I always did so, in case, God forbid, I wound up inside a car trunk somewhere.

Good luck!

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:11pm
I've been back on line since about August 20 and have met in person 4 people so far and am supposed to meet two more this week and several next week - I have rejected quite a few based on emailing and phone calls. I think it takes a lot of time, effort, a thick skin and good social skills but since I am in this for marriage and family all of it is worth it - I would never (ever!) do this just to find new friends or someone to date. So far out of the four only one asked me out for a second date, but usually my "batting average" is a bit better. Out of the four I was enthusiastic about two of them. All were normal and nice. I have never dated an unpleasant or "scummy" person more than once or twice so even after 21 years of dating I am not cynical at all about what is out there or jaded.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:45pm
Don't forget, while on your dating adventures, to cultivate a sense of humor--you're gonna need it!

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 4:13pm
A definite Yay! It's not perfect, but it's a great way to get yourself out there and meet a lot of people who you wouldn't otherwise encounter in your everyday life. I hesitated before I started online dating for much the same reasons as you, but I finally figured I had nothing to lose by trying it so I gave it a shot last winter and I'm so glad I did! I am currently dating a guy I met online (1 1/2 months and things are going great!), and have had several other one or two-month mini-relationships with men I met online. Sure, there are some creeps online (as there are everywhere), but there are a lot of really nice, normal guys there too. And after a few dates, you will get better at screening out the frankensteins.

Just be safe if you decide to try meeting anyone - for the first meeting always meet him there and make it a public place. Good luck!

ginger

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 6:44pm
I don't like it. My biggest issue was with the lack of suitable men in my area. I would get 200+ "matches", but only about 30 of those would be 100%. Of the 30, I'd find maybe three who interested me. I had a profile up for a year, was contacted by about 10-15 men, and only two lead to a meeting. Most of them just ignored my reply completely. I contacted about ten men, and only ONE replied back. Of the men I met, one was a weirdo (I gave him a little bit more of a chance than I should have- I'm working on that!) and the other was a nice guy. I always hear about women who get tons of dates from dating sites, but it didn't happen to me, and I know many other women with the same experience.

My other thing is that I'm weary of a certain popular dating site's business practices. They ticked me off, so I took down my profile. I won't go back.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 10:37pm
I'm definitely a YAY! I've met some cool guys online (and some not so cool ones, but that's not due to the fact I met them online!), and know at least a half a dozen married or serious couples who met online.

I would just echo the advice to meet for coffee ASAP...nothing's real until you meet in person! DO NOT take online or phone "chemistry" seriously.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 11:42pm
I am pro online dating.

For more information check out the Cyberconnections message board. You can read about the experiences of others. Some of the posts include good tips for weeding out the scummy ones and for keeping the experience safe.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/main.asp?webtag=iv-rlcyber&nav=start

jhoover21

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 8:06am
That's not silly at all, just reveals your priorities in the beginning of a relationship. One of my most romantic dates of all time in the past 22 years was an online date in October 2001.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 8:08am
My perspective is that that board focuses more on online "relationships" where the couple is unlikely to meet in the near future or perhaps not ever. also, there have been some unsafe practices condoned on that board (i.e. allowing an online stranger into your apartment on the first date to pick you up, etc) so of course you should read that board but with an open mind/approach.

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