Online Meet (Meet Ups)...Etc.Etc....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Online Meet (Meet Ups)...Etc.Etc....
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 1:42pm

Hi guys

There is a guy who I am chatting with online dating site and he seems okay BUT his pictures are fuzzy.. and a host of other things.. He seems nice enough though..

Anyway; I thought instead of the scary meet for this or that or coffee I was thinking maybe just asking him to one of the meet up groups I go to.. This way there is no pressure and we dont have to be in that awkard meet thingy... You guys know what I mean..

So what do you guys think?? Maybe for future reverence just invite folks to a place where there are other people we know as to take the awkardness out of meeting someone.. It was just a thought

what do you guys think??

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 2:08pm

Well, considering I am neither doing OLD or Meetup, I guess I'm just as qualified as any to weigh in, right?  ;)  I say, why not?  Go for it.  I hope you have a nice time whether he turns out to be simply friend material, or more :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 3:33pm
  1. That is a great idea, that way you can gauge him in a setting with others doing an activity you (and hopefully he) enjoys.  Nothing wrong with that at all! 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 4:05pm

I was on OLD and was talking to a guy on the phone--he suggested going to a Parents without Partners orientation that he was helping to run and then after the meeting we could talk.  I figured why not since the group sounded interesting anyway.  that's the night I met my 2nd DH--who was NOT the guy from OLD!  We ended up never going out.  We became friendly but he was like a serial dater who could never make up his mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 6:46pm

I'd rather meet for coffee if you're afraid of a long date. I don't like meeting for the first time in a group meeting b/c a meetup meeting is longer than a coffee date. Your main concern is extreme ugliness so with a meetup it's as least just as awkward. What if he shows up and you're really repulsed? Then what? Are you going to ignore him the rest of the time? That seems kinda rude, especially when he makes the effort to go to an activity for you. And then how would you interact with him and the rest of the group. are you going to pretend not to know each other before hand? or what if there are others he or you like better there are you going to ignore each other. That's awkward too and not classy.

I've met men who don't do anything for me physically and the think the classy way to deal with it is to have a short but pleasant time nevertheless. No need for any display of interest.  It doesn't hurt to sit over a cup of coffee for an hour just talking with the other person. Then afterward not say anything. If he follows up then tell him you're not a match. Don't have to say why. Most sane adults would leave it at that. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 7:01pm

Interesting comments everyone.. thank You

White Satin.. Actually even at a meet up one can leave anytime they want and say goodbye to the person or everyone there. No obligation either way.

I do think that I am sick myself of coffee dates and awkardness that comes with them.. Not necessarily concernced about ugliness but just dont like that whole scene of online dating and meeting someone like that much anymore  and this and that and blah blah blah right now in this moment so I figure maybe ask someone to a meet up and have fun and hang out and go home.. If the guy is decent maybe exchange numbers and if not yes move on....

Besides if one goes to a meet up to meet a stranger and is interested in someone else just bow out and figure it out then.. Not going to preconceive or live in the future or think there might be a prospect there or not.. One day at a time and just have fun wherever you go...

Just my observations   Laughing

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 7:22pm
I'd much rather do the group thing. If I meet a guy I'd like to get to know better, I prefer to say, "I'm going to be at xyz if you wanna meet me out." Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. It totally takes the pressure off when there are other people to make conversation with, and sometimes they will bring a friend so you get an idea of who he hangs out with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 7:37pm

well, everyone else see things differently from me. It's OK whatever you think is easiest for you. For me, I have a good sense whether I get a long by talking to the person on the phone a couple times, so the meet is to see about physical attraction and learning more about the other person.  Even when I'm not interested, I can usually keep the conversation going except when the person is really rude. In my entire OLD experience, I've only met one guy like that. I later called him up, chewed him out and hung up on him.

The rest were at least pleasant. Then they disappeared or I disappeared afterward. There was one weirdo that kept asking why I wasn't interested. I think it was his appearance. I refused to tell him and he kept pestering me. Over a couple of emails he finally disappeared.  

I just got an email from a guy who wrote to me for the first time, just a short email. I wasn't interested. When it's just one email and I'm not interested I don't respond. So the guy wrote again "please let me know if you're interested". I think this is awkward.  It' should be assumed that the first short email is just to show someone you're interested. that way they can check out your profile and if they're interested too, they would write back. Otherwise there's no obligation to respond. People can get nasty when you say no to them so I don't see any reason to respond.