Open Relationship and Rich Older guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Open Relationship and Rich Older guy
Sun, 08-17-2014 - 11:51pm

I was approached by an older guy (around 50s, I'm 38) who wants to have a "relationship" with me as his girlfriend.  I first met him in a drink lounge and then we met again for dinner.  He is actually married, but rarely meet his wife.  He said he is in an open marriage and his wife also has 2 boyfriends in France (his wife is in France now).  I did not know this condition before.   In this relationship he proposed to me that  he will never get jealous, I can have another boyfriend but I have to be honest and tell him about it, I can go whenever I want if I found the right one. 

I think I'm an open-minded person, but somehow I can never understand this open relationship thing.  Some of my "materialistic" girlfriends said  to just take him for the money (he is a rich guy).  Honestly, I like money and will not turn down any offer to have money and better lifestyle, but I can't imagine going further with this guy, I feel gross already.  

In other way, many women around me can just easily throw themselves for money to a much older guy.  I don't mean to say that older guys are gross, some of them are actually handsome and attractive.    But, I'm just not that type of girl, I guess.  

Tell me what you guys think about this kind of situation :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Mon, 08-18-2014 - 2:13am

What he is proposing to you sounds like being his mistress or affair partner. You've only gone on one date so its not like he knows you and wants to be your bf because you have so much in common etc. He wants to have one or more women lined up for when he wants sex or needs an attractive younger woman on his arm.

Since he's married the "open relationship" would be with his wife. Anybody else is an affair partner. And I wouldn't completely believe that his wife doesn't care and she has 2 men on the side. What about when his wife is not in France?

Personally, I wouldn't get involved with a married man at all regardless of how rich he is. Too many potential problems and if you fall in love with him there's no chance of a future.

It sounds like you know your values and you follow them, good for you. Your friends who say to date him for his money even if you're not into him, do they say how that is different than being a prostitute?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-18-2014 - 11:15am

This sounds a lot like what was common in some places in Europe--have the wife and the mistress.  Personally I wouldn't go for it even if the wife knew about it--I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone who is married and I could never be with totally.  Maybe for a short fling but if you are in an extended relationship with someone like this it would be very possible that you would fall in love with him--and you know he will never divorce his wife.  And if you had BFs as well--somehow I doubt that very many guys would be accepting of this.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 08-18-2014 - 11:17am

I agree with the other poster - you'd just be paid to have sex with him, not necessarily in cash but in restaurant meals, presents, trips away etc etc etc which is the same thing. The whole 'proposition' thing is just totally bleugh, gross, ugh.. - still would be to me even if he was single. There's nothing wrong with 50+ or older  men as long as they are attractive to you and wanted by you. I've always been revolted by this assumption that visually unappealing rich men (young or old) make -  that they can have any woman they want if they pay her enough. It's certainly not true for all women.

Bottom line is, I'd tell him to -  for want of a better word -   go  **** himself!! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2010
Mon, 08-18-2014 - 11:25am

No mention of caring or loving this man. You just met him and he has offered you money for sex. Don't you think that sounds a lot like prostitution?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 08-18-2014 - 11:29am

Now this 50 y old can proposition me any time, day or night, I'd pay HIM to do so!! Kiss

Sorry to hijack OP, and please ignore me people, am slightly bored at work!!

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 08-18-2014 - 4:12pm

You are smart enough to have figured out what this is really about. So the question is, does it sound appealing to you? Kind of sounds like you are not. That doesn't mean it doesn't suit some women. As was already said, if a woman wants a short flingy thing and is attracted to the guy then I guess it would work for her. The thing about his wife and open relationship, that may or may not be true. Maybe the old saying trust but verify would be in order. Maybe trust would be too strong a word to use. I do think though that women who go down this path for too long and too often end up somewhere they do not want to be later in life.

Avatar for ananemus
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2013
Mon, 08-18-2014 - 5:03pm

Lmdwinkle, since you are already feeling gross about it, there is nothing more to it. Yes, people do have open relationships and yes, women in Europe think nothing about having a boyfriend (or two) without any emotional baggage (I epxerienced a woman from Europe to know exactly what it is).  My xAP's single Bulgarian friend used to sleep with plenty of married guys. She eventually got emotionally attached to an American businessman living in Brussels and that was her downfall. I got emotionally attached to my European xAP and that was my downfall.

Juliasuk, I hear you. Attaching my photo and hope that I'll get some money from you. I really do need the money. 

The past is done, the future has yet to come. Live in the present moment honestly with few chances of regret.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 08-18-2014 - 6:00pm

You already know what to do.  You said you already feel gross.  

There's your sign.....


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 08-19-2014 - 8:27am

LOL - gorgeous! Money's on the way, lots of it! Wink

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2014
Wed, 08-20-2014 - 10:31am
Thanks for share