Opinions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Opinions?
7
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:36pm

I posted this to the OLD thread so you may have read it there, but thought I'd give you guys a shot too :)

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: rebainmi
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:51pm

I'm really starting to think that some men are just big babies who either a) won't risk rejection from a girl, even if he knows she'll say yes or b) just plain lazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
In reply to: rebainmi
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:55pm
Thanks Shy, I knew I could count on you :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: rebainmi
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 2:32pm
Yeah, I'm with Shy. He's the guy, if he likes you and wants a relationship, he should call you. I say stop contacting him, if he's that busy then do you want to just see him whenever? If I'm interested in someone and we've been out on three or four dates and I still like her, I'm calling, and trying to make an effort.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: rebainmi
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 5:06pm
I completely agree with the other posters. I think that when a guy seems to be busy all the time and just plain lazy he's either having doubts about you and maybe not that into you or he's just not wanting to put the effort into a relationship (maybe not ready for one) and is all about convenience and having the woman do all the work. If the woman's doing all the work then he doesn't have to lift a finger and it's just easy for him to sit back and go with the flow, especially if he's getting sex out of the deal. The man should pursue. We should reciprocate and show our interest but not be too available either. It's always been in a man's nature to hunt and to pursue since the beginning of time and it hasn't changed really except for the fact that we women put up with lazy behavior and we accept scraps which we shouldn't. We deserve more than that. If the man we are with is being lazy and not taking the lead and making us do all the work, then I say we just move on to the next one. We have to have faith that there will be one we will like back that is willing to put in the effort. If this man truley likes you back he will wonder what happened to you once you take a step back and he will start initiating becuase a man who really likes you doesn't forget about you (taken from the words of Greg in HJNIY book)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: rebainmi
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 11:39pm

Biochic2004,

I completely agree with you. I have met a lot of guys like this lately who expect women to chase them. It completely turns me off. I think it's a very unnattractive quality. In my experience, they either know how to treat a woman properly or they don't. As women, we need to take a step back, evaluate the relationship and have the mindset of not thinking of whether he is into us but whether we are into him.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: rebainmi
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 1:18am
Well said feisty. It's true if the man is not putting in enough effort then it eventually turns me off as well and gets old after awhile. You are right, we need to reevaluate if they are someone we want in OUR lives not wonder why they don't like us. It's better to focus our efforts in that sort of a direction and recognize that we are wonderful women with lots to offer and there will be other men out there who will appreciate that and not take that for granted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
In reply to: rebainmi
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 2:28pm

I'd say, yes, step back and don't initiate things with him, but don't step back and just hope that he'll come after you. Just pretend that he's already told you he's not interested, because that's essentially what he's done.

I totally agree with you that a guy should just say he's not interested, etc. if he's not, but I just really think that rarely happens. In fact, when I'm not interested in a guy, I can be downright ambiguous, lead him on and avoid the truth, even though part of me feels I should just say "I'm not interested." Sometimes I can't do it!! And I have a feeling he wouldn't even give you a straight answer if you straight-out asked him.

It's easy to get tangled up in a situation like this, but, in my experience, you're only tangling, not paving the path for something more. Imagine marrying this guy and then telling your friends, family, future kids about how you met daddy. Don't you want the story about your meeting and first few weeks/months of dating to involve your *both* being crazy about each other, not getting enough of each other - of him awkwardly asking you out, hands trembling because he thought you were so pretty? I don't think you have those stories with this guy, and isn't that kind of disappointing?

Looking back on the many times I have felt as you have, the thing I wish I could have done would be to pretend he called me and said, "I don't want a real relationship with you and never will," and then commit myself to moving on, ignoring any more bones he may throw my way in the future. Do you know why I wish this? Because not once has anything positive come from these yucky situations.