Opposites Attract in Middle Age???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Opposites Attract in Middle Age???
11
Fri, 02-14-2014 - 4:06pm

TO ALL-

Thanks to Facebook, I have gotten back in touch with a woman who was briefly my girlfriend in summer camp. I was 15 and she was 14 at the time. She is now a 49 year old divorcee. Her last serious boyfriend seemed like a good match--but he didn't want to advance to the next level. It has now been over 3 years since that last relationship ended.

Although her mother died in the terror attack on September 11, 2001, she is a committed pacifist, working for peace and understanding with Muslims. Pacifism is an active endeavor for her. She is otherwise a staunch liberal and supporter of gun control. She is serious, but not traditional, in her observance of Judaism.  She is from an upper middle class family and works in art and music therapy.

She is starting to be involved with a Catholic man who works as a prison guard, is a NRA member, and loves hunting and guns. He also loves to eat pork.

 I myself don't see how this relationship can work. Of course, I do realize how hard it is for women over 45 to find someone suitable. Anyway, what do others think? How could a relationship between two such different individuals succeed?

I am not currently in a position to say anything to her--but I am curious if others here agree with me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 02-17-2014 - 12:09pm

I think for a lasting relationship, you don't need to have someone exactly like you, but if you are with someone very different, it's a lot more difficult.  I remember visiting a marriage therapist w/ my ex and he said something like "those differences that first attracted you to someone can drive you crazy later on."  So maybe it's good if one person is better at managing the finances and the other person is better at some other task--that's helpful.  If one person is a little shy and the other one is more outgoing, the less shy person can maybe help the other one to come out of their shell.  But just one example--if you have one person who wants to go out every weekend and stay out late and have a lot of friends around and the other person would really rather stay home all the time, sure they can compromise but maybe both of them would be happier with someone who just liked to do the same things.  There are degrees of differences for everything and I just think if you are very different on the major things it causes a lot of unhappiness.

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