OT: Asexual Documentary

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
OT: Asexual Documentary
10
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 2:51pm

I hope nobody is offended that I post this, here.  This is actually the only board I use on Ivillage so to go to the Sex board would be kind of unfamiliar, I guess. 

The term (A-sexual) has been tossed around here on occassion.  I watched this documentary last night and thought it was pretty interesting.  There are a plethora of websites in existence if you identify.  The main one is called AVEN, but it's apparently being upgraded and is temporarily down.

Hope everyone's having a great week.  It's freezing in TN, but I shouldn't complain because the sun is shining for the first time in several days.  Yay!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 6:25pm

cfk

funny you post this now.. My guy friend who I hang out with thinks I am asexual because I never talk about casual sex and I wont have sex with him although he would do it with me.. I gave up trying to defend my honor on that but I can assure me and others I am def. not asexual.. I just dont go around in the last few years having random sex.. Not that anyone is asking; well one guy did about a year ago but he couldnt get an erection so there went that. I probably could have had sex with my exH but eeewwwwwwwwwwww who knows where he was in the last few years when we werent together.. He did tell me a wild story about a woman he met and they had sex all day and she was a nymphomanic of sorts.. we were already divorced and yes TMI....and who knows if it was true although he was a sex monger.

Then that dirt bag neighbor would have had sex with me but eeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkk not going there and so my guy friend thinks viola you are asexual..

I think Michael Jackson is asexual right??

what is the point to all of this. sorry as my thoughts are all over the place.

Its been warm here in NY and then cold and then rainy and then a bunch of weird weather.. Atleast there are no hurricanes so far (lol)

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 8:05pm

I am definitely not asexual, although I'm sure some people wonder because I don't go around talking about it all the time.  I tend to keep things to myself a lot because people either judge or share too much. 

I think that the things we have the hardest time accepting in others are the things we don't understand.  Even simple things.  I work with someone who doesn't eat.  She doesn't understand my need to eat.  I don't understand her desire to starve herself.  I don't think she accepts the fact that I'm not bone-thin, and I really have a hard time with her frail body.  Those who like sex (like me) don't understand people who don't like sex.  But, I think that's where acceptance comes in.  Just because we don't understand someone, that doesn't mean we can't accept them.

Just my tired, sleep-deprived ramblings.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 10:04pm

I guess it's hard to understand someone who has no interest in what you like.  IF it's something like sports or music, you could understand that not everyone has the same interests, but food & sex are kind of basic needs. It's like saying well, I don't really like breathing!  But people definitely have different levels of need for sex--look at the mismatched libidos board.  I think as long as people can find someone who is like them, everything will be fine, but it's when people are mismatched, as they say, the problem arises.  But it's too bad if the people are compatible in all other ways except sexually--but that's a huge thing to be incompatible with in a relationship.  They should just stick to being friends.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 6:52am

Wikipedia defines it as follows:

Asexuality (sometimes referred to as nonsexuality),[1][2][3] in its broadest sense, is the lack ofsexual attraction to others[4][5][6] or the lack of interest in sex.[6][7] It may also be considered a lack of a sexual orientation.[8] One commonly cited study published in 2004 placed the prevalence of asexuality at 1%.[8][9]

Asexuality is distinct from abstention from sexual activity and from celibacy, which are behavioral and generally motivated by factors such as an individual's personal or religious beliefs;[10] sexual orientation, unlike sexual behavior, is believed to be "enduring".[11] Some asexual people do engage in sexual activity despite lacking a desire for sex or sexual attraction, due to a variety of reasons, such as a desire to please romantic partners or a desire to have children.[6]

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I may have seen that same documentary. No offense to anyone, but the people struck me as very sad. Some of them had Aspberger's Syndrome. I think it's hard enough being gay in our culture (although improving) but at least they have sexual desire. I think asexuality is inborn, just as I think homosexuality is inborn. 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 11:52am
I'm glad you aren't experiencing any hurricanes, either. I've been accused of being a repressed lesbian before, but never asexual. One or two women interviewed in the documentary had had the same experience. According to this doc, 1% of the population is asexual. That's over 3 million people. They went on to do further studies expecting to find medical or mental explanations, but found none in the majority of case studies.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 11:56am
Shy - There was a scene in the film where the asexual group marched in a Sanfran gay pride parade with their sign, etc. A gay man walked by and told them that he pitied their sorry souls going on to call them freaks. I couldn't believe that someone who you know has suffered some social injustices due to his sexual preference, could be so intolerant and judgmental. (I wish ivillage would indicate who these replies are to as in the past .... ugh)
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 12:01pm
Music, that's a point that a sex columnist made - if you are asexual, date other asexuals. Which, was kind of the point behind the film. It centered around the "founder" of the movement, AVEN, David Jay, who created an online forum where similar individuals could discuss their experiences and support one another.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 12:03pm
We've seen a lot of the same docs, FG. We must have similar tastes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 12-15-2012 - 12:19pm

I do think there is a wide variety of sexual appetites.  In my case I would say that I never had a huge sex drive, but especially now it's pretty much diminished.  I believe it is partly due to menopause, and partly due to the fact that I just don't see any attractive men around.  There has been an overall decline in how people dress and carry themselves in the US these days.  I don't know about the rest of the world.  Everywhere in public, I see people who are slovenly, rude, and with poor hygiene and grooming.  Sad. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sun, 12-16-2012 - 8:23pm
  1. I think that guy is trying to get you to sleep with him by making you doubt your sexuality.  I've been confronted by this trick too many time. It's easy when you do'nt have feeling for him. Much harder if you did.

Before you cave in think about this: HIV/AIDS, Hepatis, Herpes. Any of the chronic uncurable and extremely miserable STD's. There are plenty of these stories to go around. Unpromiscuous women who have sex with a 'friend' they've (think they) known for a long time. Woman going back to ex-bf. Women who have a fling while broken up with bf/husband. One doesn't get STD every time one has sex but there are always the unfortunate few who only needs one time. It's unfair to the womankind but it's easier to get STD as a woman than as a man for anatomical reasons.  

It's not easy to broach the subject of safe sex but a woman (myself included) needs to love herself above all else.