OT: Friendship Anguish.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
OT: Friendship Anguish.........
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 8:47am


I think with all this move stuff my mind is becoming jumbled up with all kinds of things!! lol. 

I know we've all struggled with the notion of *married* friends ditching us.........unfortunately I have basically lost all of my good friends in the last few years.  I can't blame them really - I've had a lot of family/personal issues that have made it difficult for me to move forward, and of course my lifestyle is much different than the people I knew - with homes, husbands, financial security (I'm assuming), kids, etc..........I find that generally, people in these situations like to socialize with *like* individuals and have difficulty relating to things like bad landlords/rental situations, unemployment, dating, etc.

I'm pretty much okay on my own........I'm planning on getting out to some meet up groups once I get settled.....but there are times when I dream/obsess about these old friends, wishing things were different.  I know I have to move forward, but, there are times........I had *several* close friends in university........wondering if I took that for granted.  I assumed we would always be friends, regardless of the circumstances.

Have you lost any friendships that you lament over? Do you feel that your *single* status has eliminated you from any social circles?

Mel :smileysad:

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 10:31am

I had 2 "best friends" in high school, D & E--I am still very close to E and we see each other as often as possible even though we live an hour away--maybe not a coincidence that she's divorced too.  Neither one of us are close w/ D any more--we aren't mad or anything.  In fact, D texted me to wish me a happy BD, but we just hardly see each other any more.  Maybe once a year we'll go out w/ a group of people from high school or a couple of years ago we went to brunch & brought our mothers, who all know each other since we've been friends for so long.  But it seems like she avoids being in a situation where it will be just the 3 of us.  We were invited to a surprise BD party that her DH threw for her--oh and we know her DH too.  He was in our high school but 2 yrs ahead.  E & I tried to figure it out--we don't think it's the divorce per se--her sister is divorced and I"m sure she must have other divorced friends.  We have kids the same age and now the kids are much older so it's not like our social lives are ruled by having to get babysitters & stuff like that.  I can't really figure it out--it's like she is still a friend but only on a superficial level.  We have no idea about what is going on below the surface, no sharing confidences or anything like that.  There's really no explanation except that we just grew apart, which is sad, but I think all you can do is try to make new friends who are in the same place in life that you are.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 11:45am
Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I have an entire group of ten who were once like family. I distanced myself from them for a short period, thinking I would be welcomed back when I was ready. There was an issue between myself and another girl in the group. It wasn't even serious. Anyway, after this self imposed break, I only heard from them once. So much time had passed by that point that my pride kicked in and I gave them the brush off.

Even though I called them every holiday thereafter, things have never been the same. We haven't spoken in over a year. I waffle between blaming myself, and thinking that the love and mutual respect we had for one another was one sided. It kind of stinks even thinking about it.

All of my other friends are married with kids or live 1000's of miles away so of course, those visits are few and far between.

However, I will say that even though I usually have to be the initiator, my married friends always seem happy to hear from me or get together. That may be once a year but it still feels good to keep that connection going . . . you should try contacting some of your college buddies.

Hugs - I've had kind of a weepy weekend myself. I'm hoping to end this post and read on to find that Shy, Ruby and Music all had fabulous weekends with some hot new piece ;]
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 5:02pm


Unfortunately my high school buddies were also my college buddies.........and they have moved on.  There was a riff over one of their marriages.......I tried contacting another girl but it was weird and contrived.

I know I need to move on..........just wondering if any of you also have "ex friends" that you think about.........boo :smileyhappy:


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 3:28am

I still have contact with my old friends, but they live far away and we do not meet more than maybe once or twice a year now... They all have families and somehow I feel left out. I wish I could see all my friends more often, not to mention those friends who do in fact live close to me. Some of them seem unable to part from their kids and/or husband, and I seldom get to talk to them alone. I do have some single friends as well, and I try to meet those as often as I can.