OT: I'm stuck.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
OT: I'm stuck.......
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 7:34pm


So this is a Part II to my earlier whining post :) Basically, I've taken a new job in another part of the city which is a *murderous* drive.......it's starting to kill me.......just the extra hour to hour and a half tacked onto my day.......I have been unemployed on and off and I feel that this job could work out, but.....

Basically, my new boss is a workaholic.  I do mean in terms of hours (she works long hours and brings work home) but also the workload is tremendous.  I can pretty much keep up with the various requests from sales (6 + individuals) and corporate collateral that must be created, but she also expects me to be her "admin" and handle parts of her role.  We talked today......I thought she wanted me to "help" with her projects, but it turns out that I must take ownership of some aspects as well (I came out and asked her what her expectations are).  Everything in her world has to be *perfect* and I find that she micromanages/tries to control me.......e.g. if there's a situation that I would handle one way, she tells me exactly what to do.........it's only been approximately 8 weeks, but they hired me for my previous sales and marketing experience.......

At home I am feeling a bit bothered by the "mr. ex" situation......his family is everywhere and often when I take my dog out I will run into them.  It's just not comfortable all round.....

I don't know if moving closer to the job will make me happier/have more time but something is missing.......part of me desperately wants to move closer to work (and out of this building) and part of me says "RED FLAGS!!" - with the new job........

Sorry.........just had to vent.......my dog is a good listener, but not too good with the feedback.......... :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 11:45am

Hi Mel,

Was just curious.. How is the job and the flat sitation? Commuting? Men-wise?

Let us know if you want...

Best regards from  cold and rainy London UK,


Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 09-29-2013 - 7:30pm

  Hi is this current job a "Ghetto" job or is is a career?  If it is a career then that is a plus.  I worked those Ghetto jobs to survive.  I would advise that under the current economic events it may be better to learn this position and to work toward a new job that is better.   When I got out of ghetto employment it was an adjustment.  I was used to getting off at 5 on the dot.  In a career job that was not possible. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 3:12pm

Mel..Since I am probably the oldest person here and Ms.Yoda I would suggest that yes you need to stay at this job for now and you know what.. :? You do have choices.. Either look for a job closer to your house or yes MOVE to this job....Dont worry about Winter yet because we only get one day at a time.... Focus on what is good for you right now in this moment.. Going to a job to pay bills and eat is pretty good right??

You are single with no kids and nothing holding you back.. Heck.. You can even move to another country or state if you wanted to so that could be a motivating factor for you.. The sky is the limit Mel..... ..

Just sit and think and what does your gut tell you what is the best course of action?? For you Mel and no one else????Another job? Moving ? Doing something entirely different?? Just sit with the feelings for a bit and the answer will come to you.........

We have all had our shares of ghetto jobs and being down and out .. I was a single parent and had to juggle three jobs at a time and drive a very run down car at times long distances.. So yes i know how all of that goes but that stupid cliche at times you got to do what you got to do...................but it doesnt mean you cant dream and look or choose another way of life or other things to make you feel better and m ake you happy.................................

Hope i made some sense..

Good Luck


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 9:01pm

Stephanie, you are so right! It took me until into my 40s to realize that there are malcontents and bullies in every workplace. For a long time, I was someone who always thought that the grass is greener on the other side. I have also come to realize that we do not need half the "stuff" we think we do.  Just having a a roof over our heads and food in our bellies makes us much more fortunate than the vast majority of the world. But it was hard for me to see this when I was younger.    But it is tough for many these days.  For me, living in the present has helped tremendously, though I still struggle with envy and insecurity.  It is the human condition.

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 5:22pm
Just realize the "grass is always greener" somewhere else until you get there. Then once you are there, you realize that it is the same garbage as before but maybe a little different. Point being, there will always be that boss, fellow co-worker or client that drives you nuts and to keep our sanity, we just need to learn how to make the best of it. Good luck :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 8:54am

Not an "argument" per se, and I certainly am not qualified to comment on how rosy or grim the situation is in Canada, but I can share some numbers:  Average rent for a one-bedroom in my neighborhood is US$1,400, and I don't even live on the coasts.  Train fare to downtown (where I work) is US$2.25 one way.  On the rare occasions that I choose to drive, parking ranges from US$9 to US$15 a day; monthly parking runs about US$75 to US$200. 

Minimum wage here is US$7.78 an hour.

Single or not, I think we have all taken jobs "below our level".  While living with my then BF 12 years ago, I took a retail job that required heavy lifting when I was in between "real" jobs.  I have two graduate degrees and professional registration and BF was willing to "support" me, but I always believe in being self-reliant. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 8:33am
I'm not saying it doesn't suck or you don't have valid concerns. I'm saying it sucks for 90% of the population right now. Most of us have bosses who are ridiculous and expectations beyond what they should be. You're probably not going to find any better at this point, so you might as well just try to make the best of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 7:20am


While I agree that the U.S. does have some disadvantages and our social safety network may be stronger, it is certainly not the rosy picture that people picture here. 

While I was unemployed, I researched extensively going back to school for a year to transition into a more stable occupation, however, it was basically impossible to meet the criteria that is required for any assistance to be provided.  I owed  $30k in student loans and just finished paying them off last year (after 17 years).  Being single, I have been forced to take many jobs that other people wouldn't consider (and job counsellors told me were not anywhere near my level).  Now I am working a *significant* distance from home and just trying to juggle things.......rents in metropolitan areas in Canada are also sky high - you are looking at $1k a month for a one bedroom apartment in Toronto.

I won't go into the ins and outs.......I think the economy in Canada has suffered tremendously as well and in the major centres the competition for jobs is *extremely* high. 

Ugghh......no winning any arguments here.  Wish I hadn't posted this.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 11:01pm

Mel, do not apologize.  But as some have posted here, some of us in the US may have a different perspective.  Here, there are many who are busting their butts just to pay the bills.  You have a number of advantages in Canada, particularly a much stronger social safety network.  Specifically, guaranteed access to health care.  This is not a political board and I will not get into the politics of it all, but there are many Americans who are forced to stay in jobs they literally detest because they or a loved one have a medical condition.  You are unfettered by this consideration.  You are pretty young.  Have you thought about training in a field with more secure employment?  I am sure you could get help for that.  What are you most interested in?  Also, we in the US get much less paid time off and many of us work 10-12 hour days, 5+ days per week.  Respectfully, I would say you are not in a bad position.  You DO have options.  Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 6:09pm

Hi Everyone,

I feel like I should apologize for this original post........I had a bunch of things going on in my my mind and just basically vented.  Many of you had already given your opinions about the work/move situation.......I almost deleted it this morning (and should have).

I know I have gone through several jobs in the last couple of years and I absolutely do want this one to work.......which is why I'm considering moving closer.  I feel that with the distance, I may miss some time in the winter and this won't be acceptable to them.  That being said, as Music has rightly pointed out (more than once) I haven't been there long enough yet......

The boss thing.......I guess that's just a new wrinkle in the situation.  She chewed me out again today about something minor - I think perhaps this is her first real go at "managing" someone and I am the test subject.  She was rather nice to me later on......

The situation will work itself out......hopefully for the better and me being fully employed there, whether it's where I currently live or somewhere else......

Have a good one everybody. :)