OT: Therapy?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
OT: Therapy?
9
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 7:05am

Nevermind.  I had a heated discussion with my mother the other day and was feeling guilty.  My childhood memories did not align with hers.  We spoke this morning and she apologized. 

I had a fairly decent childhood and compared to hers, it was like growing up in Disney Land.  I wasn't complaining.  She brought up my siblings parenting styles and seemed to wonder where they stemmed from . . . when I suggested that they were rasing their children mostly in the same fashion as we were raised, she became incensed for some reason.  I never said my childhood was rotten, it wasn't but as most anyone elses, it wasn't a bowl of cherries, either.

From now on, I'm not discussing it with her.  It's not worth it.  If she brings it up, I'll allow her to remember it as she sees fit ;]

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 11:45pm

I agree with Florida.. and I always think you will post something fun Julia.. Of course I am playing Devils advocate and all.

why not tell us about some steaming exchanges between you and your boyfriend.. we never hear about him???what is he like??

well I guess I am hurricane delerious and have no clue what I just said.

Goodnight...

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 12:26pm

We were hoping you'd post something fun....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
In reply to: juliasuk
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 8:33am

Sorry CFK and everyone else, I'm not here to comment on mother issues. Pointless post, but I just could not help myself.

Some years back, around mid-90, there was a big heavy metal band around called Therapy? (name written with the question mark). I saw the name of CFK's post, and thought, wow, she's posting about Therapy? the band?? Why? What's happened to her? Tongue Out

Again, sorry everyone.

Question to everyone: when are we going to have some fun here again?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 6:04am

"I prefer to live in the here and now.  Today is all we have."  Good motto!   Sorry to learn about your brother, G.  I'm sure that must have been a very difficult time and I'm sure you all still miss him very much.

I guess life is complicated for us all.  Live and learn, that's all we can do . . . Maybe try to help a few others along the journey but, I think most have to learn from their own mistakes - I know that's been my experience.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.  Free, if you're reading this, Girlie, I hope you're still hangin' in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 4:49pm

I think after reading these posts, I am even more grateful for having a good mother!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 9:52am

I walk on eggshells around my mother.  She plays the "I should just end it all" guilt trip when she gets really upset (hmm...wonder where my baby sister gets it??) and she has tried to commit suicide before.  I think it was before I was born, but I remember one horrible night when I was about 5 where she locked herself in the bathroom and I knew something bad was going on because everyone was crying and trying to get her out.  I'll be honest- up until about 12, my childhood was pretty crappy.  There are things in my family that we just don't discuss.  My mother could have gone to jail if the right people had found out.  Life is different now, and my baby sister doesn't know anything about any of it, and I'd rather her not.  The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure my mom's childhood was even worse.  Looking at us all now, you'd never know things were like they were, though.  Once she married my stepdad, there was a change (even though he's an alcoholic), and things were more stable.

Sometimes you've just gotta keep your mouth shut for the sake of keeping the peace.  It's tough, but I'm the kind of person who'd rather just keep things happy and calm.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 9:09am

I have similar discussions with my mother, and often they end up going awry. I also had a better childhood than my mother did, but we had our problems, too, particularly after one of my brothers died in an acccident at age 17.  It changed our family dynamic forever.  But for some reason, most of my older siblings, who are in their 50s and early 60s, want to reminisce constantly as though we were the Brady Bunch.  I prefer to live in the here and now.  Today is all we have.

Glad you and your mom patched things up.  As my mom is 81, I feel tremendous guilt every time we have a disagreement, so I do everything in my power to avoid it...... even if my tongue bleeds from biting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 9:09am

I have similar discussions with my mother, and often they end up going awry. I also had a better childhood than my mother did, but we had our problems, too, particularly after one of my brothers died in an acccident at age 17.  It changed our family dynamic forever.  But for some reason, most of my older siblings, who are in their 50s and early 60s, want to reminisce constantly as though we were the Brady Bunch.  I prefer to live in the here and now.  Today is all we have.

Glad you and your mom patched things up.  As my mom is 81, I feel tremendous guilt every time we have a disagreement, so I do everything in my power to avoid it...... even if my tongue bleeds from biting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 9:04am

Whoa cfk.......I feel your pain!! It sounds like you and your mom see things differently.

My relationship with my mom is *hugely* complicated........I can often end up disagreeing with her over these kinds of things.  I've learned that there are some things that are best just to NOT discuss or bring up.........

Single adulthood!! lol.........

Mel